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Hi Everyone,

My ex had ended things with me about 2 months ago because she “wasnt at the same point I was” I was totally in love and ready to give everything to this girl. So we went through the normal stages of a breakup. No communication for a while, slowly starting to creep back into each others lives. We have a lot of the same friends/work together so its tough sometimes.

I recently discovered she had started seeing someone else. Not officially dating but hanging out a lot, sleeping together etc. I think its a good thing that we both see what else is out there. But at the same time we have been getting closer and closer into each others lives again. I havent initiated a thing, talking, hanging out etc.

So last night for the first time in two months she invites me over at around 10pm. We chatted, had some food and of course some wine. I wanted to kiss her the entire time but I didnt. I didnt want to undermine her current relationship (which she knows i know about through mutual friends but we’ve never discussed) and I dont want to move too fast when this is the first time weve hung out in months.

I put my arm around her for a bit and cuddled up when we were watching TV. Laid down with her in bed, rubbed her back, she was falling asleep. I kissed her on the cheek before she passed out and left.

Did I do the right thing? I still want her back.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both? How long did you date? When she said that she broke up with you because you weren’t at the same point in each other’s’ lives, what did that mean, specifically? In other words, did you want marriage and kids and she didn’t?

Fill me in and I’ll give you my best advice. 😉

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Hi April,

We are in our mid twenties. We dated for about 9 months but I was always ready to take that next step into being truly serious and entirely exclusive. She was always concerned that she wasn’t ready to do that and in her own words was worried that if she truly committed to me “that would be it” and wasn’t ready for that.

Our relationship got to the point that I was constantly trying “to be enough”. Eventually everything fell apart and I’ve spent the last 2 months or so giving her space and really focusing on getting my head straight which I believe it is now. I obviously still care for her and at some point would want her back. But at the same time I dont want someone (even her) that hasn’t gotten all of whatever this is out of her system.

What do you think is going on in her head?

Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

From what you’ve written, this isn’t just about what’s in her head — it’s what in your head, too! 😉 If you want a serious relationship that leads to monogamy and even marriage and kids, and she doesn’t, then you’re not compatible. It sounds like that’s why you broke up in the first place. It’s pretty simple and I’m not sure why you had to “get your head straight” because it sounds like it was, as was hers. You were just incompatible in what you both wanted from a relationship.

The first thing you have to do in dating is to know what you want in a relationship and then go for that, so start there.

I hope that helps.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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