From your pre-posting questionnaire, it looks like you’re both teenagers and you say that it’s been a year since the break up. Wow. That’s a long time to be going back and forth and back and forth. The whiplash alone must be really difficult! The problem is that until one of you breaks this pattern, it will continue. Since you can’t control your ex, and you can control yourself, the ball’s in your court! 😉 If you want things to be different, then you have to behave differently. Saying you don’t want to see him again clearly doesn’t work. So here are a few more boundaries you can use to try and make this break up stick for you. Stop taking his calls. Change your number if you have to, but first, start by blocking his number. Most phone services can help you do this easily if you don’t know how to do so online already. Next, break up on social media. Unfriend, unfollow, and disconnect from all social network connections you share with your ex. If he comes to your door, don’t answer it. You have to uphold these no contact barriers — and you can count on him not to and to try to break them down. That’s his pattern.
In addition, if you share friends or the same gym or coffee shop, switch them. I know this is a drag and you probably feel that you’re being victimized by having to make the changes, but keep your eye on the ball. If you want to stop this year long back and forth post-break up, you have to make it clear that you’re not going to be part of the same old pattern any more. If you have things that are his, mail them back to him. If he has things of yours, make arrangements to have them picked up by a third party. Basically, make this a super clean break.
Next…. you have to get busy! If you’re distracted, depressed, feeling lazy about dating or just missing him, you’re going to be more vulnerable to his back and forth relationship whiplash techniques. So hedge against that dynamic by throwing yourself into school, work, sports, your social life, family — whatever you do that keeps you busy, engaged and happy, do it! Plan a trip, make new friends, look for new guys to date, and move on in such a positive and forceful way that his attempts don’t affect you as much as they have been over the last year.
I hope that works!
