[lostlove39]

Although the advice that was given was extremely helpful in making me feel a little better, I still feel uneasy about the whole situation. I’ve told my boyfriend the things which I believed might affect his way of seeing me. What I forgot to mention was certain details to his questions. For example, when he asked when the last time I had sex was, I first said a year ago, when that was actually not the case. I left it at that and when his follow up question, months later, was what month was it I had to say june to add up to what I had said before. I dont want to lie to him but iI havent told him the whole truth and i’ve sugar coated things. We’re on the verge of breaking up because he dosnt know everything about my past and he has yet to find out that I wasnt completely honest, even after he told me a bunch of times to tell him everything and after a bunch of times I also said it was everything, when it wasnt. I dont want this relationship to end… I dont know how to fix things…please help.

[Ask April Masini]

Please include this post with the chain of advice you’ve already posted. It’s much easier for me to respond when I see your recent history of posts and my advice. 🙂

[lostlove39]

What is considered a lie?
by lostlove39 on Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:21 pm

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now. There were issues about my past in the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend. I had a very hard time telling him about my past(sexual partners and certain situations) I was able to tell him all of what I considered the most important things, leaving out insignificant details and things which seemed meaningless. At any random time, small details about my past come up, new things to my boyfriend. Is it really considered a lie if when asked I do tell the truth about the small things, even though he asked me to tell him everything months ago?

Re: What is considered a lie?
by April Masini on Tue Feb 23, 2010 11:13 am

Your question isn’t really what you want to know. I think you’re looking for morality advice not the definition of what is or isn’t a lie.

It sounds like you are disclosing your past the best that you can and that means little by little over the course of time. When these disclosures occur, I’d suggest reminding him that you want to be close with him, and you appreciate his patience with your remembering and telling him small bits from you past month by month, rather than in one fell swoop.

As long as you keep the communication channels open with him, I don’t see why he would have a problem with your way of telling him about your past. Just because he wants one comprehensive news report, doesn’t mean you’re able to deliver — but you’re not telling him no and shutting him out. Instead, you’re clueing him in bit by bit.

I hope that helps!

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you’re not being honest with me, either! 😕

What is it, exactly, that you’re not disclosing, and why?

As for your question — if your boyfriend has now told you that he wants the truth or he’s going to break up with you, and it’s gotten to this point, then tell him the truth. I mean, how simple is that?

I can understand from your posts why he’s frustrated with you. 😳

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