[JZen]

I’m a guy I asked out a coworker about a month ago, because we dont talk that much at work I would not say we’re close friends.

We got in two dates in two weeks then the next 3 weeks we could not get a date lined up because of her schedule. because of this and finals I was getting frustrated, and she was obviously getting stressed out about me asking about her schedule with her starting a night job.
So I had a talk with her that we should take a break from dating until January.

Since the first date to this talk she has been giving me mixed signals about whether she really wants to date or not. I’m afraid through this I have being to needy and I apologized to her for hounding her schedule. Now with a new semester Im going to be super busy and want some clarity as to where things are going.

Now when we talk again I want to start by telling her…
[i]“I take my personal relationships seriously.
I don’t have the time or the patients to give myself to new relationships.
when I do they get my full attention.
So it’s only fair to tell you that I don’t like messing around playing head games,
I prefer things blunt and to the point.
You’re one of those few I’ve wanted to put that effort into
So My wants….
I want us to hang out, I want Take you out to special dates now and then, And I want us to be more than mere friends.
I’m not trying to put you on the the spot.
but your honest answer as to whether you are down to giving this a shot is worth more to me than hurt feelings”[/i].

The right approach? What should I do and avoid at this point?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The approach you want to take is not going to win her over. 😕 For starters, it’s all about you — and not about her. If you want to win someone over you should make them feel special and valued. If she’s stressed, send her flowers. Invite her to dinner. Do something nice for her. Make dating you something she wants to do — not something that’s stressful to think about! 😉 Try to be more positive, easy going, fun and alluring so you can win her over, not push her away. She’s giving you mixed signals because she’s not sure she wants to date you. Take this seriously and dial up your game! Loosen up on your “requirements” and make all your contact with her about making her feel good and winning her over.

Dating shouldn’t be this stressful — especially this early in the game. 🙂

[Sally]

I get that you want clarity mixed signals will drive anyone a little crazy but the speech you wrote feels way heavier than what you two actually are right now. You’ve been on two dates. You’re coworkers. You’re not close yet. She’s juggling school, a new job, and who knows what else.

If you come at her with something that intense, it’s going to feel like pressure, even if you don’t mean it that way. It reads more like a relationship talk than a “getting to know you” talk.

Try something lighter, something human. Just say you like spending time with her and you want to know if she’s interested in trying again when life calms down. Keep it simple. Give her room to want you without feeling cornered.

If she’s into it, she’ll meet you halfway. If she’s not, you’ll know without the big monologue.

[Tara]

She’s just not that interested. If a woman wants to date you, she finds time, even in chaos. Finals, new jobs, night shifts… none of that stops someone who actually wants to see you. You’re apologizing, over-explaining, and drafting heartfelt monologues while she’s giving you the bare minimum because she doesn’t want to commit, but also doesn’t want to shut the door completely. You’re not in a budding romance; you’re in her maybe-later pile.

And your little speech? It’s awful. It reads like a performance review mixed with a declaration of neediness. It screams, “Please pick me, I promise I’m serious!” when she hasn’t shown you anything worth seriousness. You’re framing yourself as a man with standards while simultaneously begging for clarity from someone who hasn’t earned your attention for more than two dates.

[Member]

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