[healbutnothate]

My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. He was my first and he claimed I was his first love. The relationship was great the first year. But then years 2-3 were shitty. He started putting his hands on me for stupid reasons and blaming me. (ex. he choked me and spit in my face just because I accused him of liking his sister’s friend). I was pregnant by him before (almost 2 yrs ago) but got an abortion because neither one of us had a penny to our name at the time and I wanted to finish college.

Also, my ex is disrespectful a lot. He will call me out my name, put his hands on me, and even spit in my face twice. Also, once we fought and he gave me a black eye.

These last past 6 months I have been finding out about female after female that have told me they were either in a relationship with him, talking to him, or had sex with him. First it was t who he said was just his friend and argued with me to go over her house every other day until whenever he felt like it. When she got mad she told me that she had sex with him and that he told her he would never get back with me. Then I found out that he was talking to some female from South Carolina (we live in jersey) and she said that they planned on meeting each other. Then I found out that he was going over another girl house (N). Then I found out he was in a relationship with another girl (J) who also said that he went down on her. Then he told me he was talking to a girl for 4 months and she told me that they have deep feelings for each other. He said he never told her that but that she might have felt that way because they were talking for 4 months. Please help me! My self esteem has went down because of this and I feel like crap!

I was mad because he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me still and he said that he wanted to get me pregnant on purpose. However, he got mad because I showed the girl he was talking to for 4 month s his jail record. He said that because of that he didnt want anything to do with me ever again. A week later he became homeless and asked to live with me. I said he could IF he let me look in his cell phone. He absolutely refused nd so I told him he couldnt stay with me and then he said I would get bad karma for not letting him live with me. But I got mad and told him not to talk to him and he said “no problem” as if he doesnt care at all which hurts.

How can I move on? What should I do? I feel dumb because then I know he’s going to get another girlfriend really fast and I was scared that he would replace me so soon. What should I do and how do I do in in a healthy way without talking to him?

[Anonymous]

One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to LET GO…In your situation this would probably be the best time to let go (while he’s already gone!)…ANY relationship that becomes physical is not healthy and definitely life-threatening! I’m sorry to say this but he doesn’t RESPECT who you are. It appears he NEED you more than he WANTS you. Needing you to take care of him and always have your door OPEN when he’s upset at another female. He’s not ready for a commitment so in my opinion dont waste your time, energy, and emotional being into someone whom will hurt you more than help you 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

You need some serious help to understand that you are an abused woman who doesn’t know how to get out of the cycle of abuse. Your self-esteem, as you know, is very, very low. Unless you take this problem seriously, you will wind up physically hurt or dead.

Your boyfriend has already given you a black eye, tried to choke you, spit at you, and has a jail record. Not only has he beaten you and broken the law, but he’s cheating on you with numerous different women. He’s been recently homeless, and you considered taking him into your home in exchange for a look at his cell phone call history, even after he’s beaten you. 😯

You have to find a way to get him out of your life, and start working on yourself. Go to a battered women’s shelter and ask them for help. You need to tell the police about the assaults you suffered, and if you ever suffer another assault, contact the police, immediately.

I don’t think you understand what real love looks like. Nobody who loves you will hurt you. And if someone does hurt you, they need more help than you can give them. This man is seriously troubled, and you can’t help him. Stay away from him, and don’t date anyone for a while. Only hang around with people who are good to you and allow you to be good to them. Start with those two things (1. Get this guy out of your life completely, and 2. Only hang out with people who treat you nicely.), and you’ll be on your way to healing yourself.

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