[Pops66]

I’m confused & don’t know what to do. My crush is my female coworker (I’m female too). She is older than me, was married to a man -they still live together with their 2 kids. I thought she gave off signs of liking me, like we equally initiated conversation. When I walk past her desk it was obvious she had been watching me as she will turn to talk to me all the time. When we talked she touched my hand and arms and would give me prolonged eye contact. Once she asked me to protect her in my arms. If I touched her or stood close she didn’t move away. I tried to not go pass her desk for the day to see what she would do and she came into my office and nearly pushed me off my chair to get my attention. When i got a hole in my jeans she jokingly asked if she could put a finger in it. Once we were talking & she said when she was younger she had a lesbian best friend who liked her but she wasn’t into that.But then she said she thinks it’s not about what gender someone is, it’s about the person. However for the last 2 weeks she has virtually ignored me and hasn’t wanted to talk, ignoring me when I walk past her desk, doesn’t touch me when we talk and if we do talk she tends to end the convo quickly. I thought that we were good again as there was a moment this week where she was whispering something to me and she put her body up against me but then it went back to the ignoring thing again. I don’t know of she ever liked me and if she did, why is she now being like this? She does keep mentioning how old she is and comments about my age. Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to decide what you want! Do you want to date her? Do you want a relationship that’s sex only? Do you want to be office buddies? Figure out what you want because that’s going to be the guide as to how you should behave! 😉

She does like you, but it sounds like you haven’t really asked her out on a date, so she probably decided you’re not interested in dating her. You haven’t made a move, so she figures you’re not interested in having sex with her, and she’s probably lukewarm on just an office-mate situation. The ball is in your court, but you have to make a decision on what you want, and then move towards that.

That’s the first step!

If you want more advice, tell me how old you both are, because that will help. 😉 Also, understand that she’s living with her ex-husband and children, so she’s probably not ready for a relationship that is going to lead to a marriage — at least not right now. But that’s just something to keep in mind when you’re deciding what it is that YOU want. 🙂

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Pops66]

Hey April thanks for the advice 🙂

I’m 30 and she’s 49, I’m not bothered by the age gap that but she has said things like, when I have been stood with another colleague that we both look gorgeous unlike mum (meaning herself).

I really like her more than just to have sex with her, I think that’s why I’m so hurt with her behaviour right now. I’m just scared she may not actually like me like that and she thinks I’m being weird or something and that’s why she is ignoring me.

So yeah I wanna date her. So I don’t know how to get her to stop ignoring me. I had been trying to bump into her more to get her to chat but that hasn’t been working well. Then I thought maybe I need to be less available?

I’m unless I know 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to date her, then you have to ask her out. 😉 Pick up the phone and call her, or go over to her with some flowers or even without them, and invite her to dinner on a weekend. If you want to date her, then you have to make the move to do so. It’s not going to happen unless you do. 😉 But — understand that she’s living with her ex-husband and children, so she may not be as available as you are, or as ready for a traditional relationship as you are. 😉

As for your fear that she may not like you — I think you have to first, look at it from her point of view. I’m not sure how long the two of you have been flirting, but you basically haven’t asked her out, and she may have decided that you’re not interested because you didn’t! 😮 She may also think that the reason you haven’t is because you think she’s too old — so she’s stopped expending energy on you. 😉 If you ask her out, you’ll probably lose that fear, or at the very least, alleviate it if she says yes. Second, fear is not sexy, so if you’re putting out fear, she may be repelled. 😕 I’ve written about fear in the book for men, Date Out of Your League, and you can get some tips and advice for getting over that fear, there. Here’s the link to buy the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It will help you, so buy it and read it! 🙂

So, ask her out. And read the book.

Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Pops66]

Hi April. I hope it’s not too cheeky to ask you something else but you know the back story. Things have been going great, or so I thought until today and now I feel gutted. So my crush went for a job interview today. We have msn at work and later today I saw her login. I asked her how the interview went and she replied that it went well and that she was drained and then sent another message saying she would be in the office on Monday. I felt like she didn’t want to speak to me and that I was just a colleague to her and that she was basically saying end of convo. So I said sorry I thought you were working from home and see you next week. She then said it’s ok, chatting is not working my friend. Then we said a couple more things about the interview and then she said she had to go and bye my friend. I feel like she is firmly telling me I’m in the friend zone? She has once before called me her friend before, when I walked into her room at work she said here comes my friend. From the things that I have told you in my previous posts, is it just friendship that she sees between us do you think?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You aren’t dating her. So, you are just a friend. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Ethan Morales]

You need to get real about what you want. You can’t sit in limbo, hoping signals and subtle touches will magically turn into a relationship. She’s giving you hints, yes, but hints alone aren’t enough especially in a situation with office boundaries, an ex-husband, and children involved. The signals only matter if you decide what you actually want: friendship, casual, or dating.

She’s clearly comfortable with you there’s attraction there, otherwise she wouldn’t be giving prolonged eye contact, physical touch, or playful gestures. But comfort and attraction are different from commitment. Right now, you’re stuck in a cycle of guessing her intentions and waiting for her to act first. That’s not sustainable if you want clarity.

The reality is this: she probably assumed you’re not interested in dating her because you haven’t asked her out directly. Humans respond to clear signals. She may be giving mixed signals or pulling back because she thinks you’re uninterested or intimidated. Fear on your part communicates hesitation, and people often respond to that by disengaging.

Her living situation with her ex and kids complicates things, and you have to account for it in your expectations. She may not be ready for a traditional relationship or a serious commitment. That doesn’t mean she can’t date you, but it does mean patience, understanding, and realistic boundaries are essential. Don’t assume she’s avoiding you for reasons tied to your worth. she’s balancing a complicated life.

If you want to move forward, you have to make a concrete move. Ask her out a real, intentional invitation, not a “bump into her by chance” moment. Call her, bring coffee, or invite her to dinner on the weekend. That action communicates interest clearly and removes the guesswork. You’ll either get clarity or rejection, but either outcome beats being stuck in uncertainty.

Fear is your enemy here. Being scared she doesn’t like you or worrying that she sees you as “just a friend” is only creating distance. Confidence, even imperfect confidence, is attractive. Make a decision, take action, and communicate directly. Attraction is clear now it’s time to see if connection and commitment can follow. Sitting and analyzing signals forever will only leave you frustrated.

[Tara]

She was flirting because it was fun, safe, and ego-boosting — not because she was actually available or intending to act on anything. You were her workplace entertainment, her little emotional indulgence, something she could play with when she was bored, stressed, or needing attention. And now that she’s remembered she has a husband, kids, a shared house, and a life she’s not planning to blow up for you, she’s pulling back. This isn’t deep, it’s not complicated, and it’s not some romantic psychological puzzle it’s a married woman who enjoyed the thrill until the thrill got too real.

Everything she did — the touching, the staring, the flirting, the innuendo that was her testing boundaries she never intended to cross. And now she’s acting weird because she realized she crossed them too far. She’s not ignoring you because she suddenly stopped liking you. She’s ignoring you because she suddenly remembered consequences. You didn’t misread the signals. She sent them. She just never planned on following through.

And that moment where she pressed her body against you? That wasn’t her “coming back around.” That was another impulse she immediately regretted. Notice the pattern: she gives you just enough attention to keep you hooked, then retracts the second she feels guilty, exposed, or unsure. You’re chasing crumbs while she’s managing her conscience.

[Sally]

That kind of mixed energy can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. She was warm, playful, kind of flirty… and then suddenly cold. I’ve had people do that when they got scared of their own feelings or realized things were getting too close.

She’s married, she has kids, she’s older, and she probably feels the weight of all that. Sometimes people pull back because something woke them up to the reality of what they’re doing. It doesn’t mean you imagined the connection it just means she doesn’t know what to do with it.

Right now, the best thing you can do is keep things calm at work. Be friendly, but don’t chase her. Let her settle into whatever she’s wrestling with.
If she wants a real connection, she’ll meet you halfway. If not, you’ll feel the peace of stepping back.

[Natalie Noah]

There’s a lot of ambiguity and mixed signals, which is understandably frustrating. From the behaviors you described earlier touching your hand, holding you, giving prolonged eye contact, playful comments it’s clear that at some point, she was expressing interest in you, at least in a flirtatious, playful way. But her recent withdrawal and labeling you as “my friend” indicate she may be trying to redefine boundaries, perhaps due to her life circumstances or uncertainties about how a romantic relationship could work with her living situation and age considerations. This isn’t necessarily a reflection on you personally; it’s more about her processing her own feelings and limits.

April’s advice highlights the key point: if you want to know what her true intentions are, you have to make your intentions clear first. Without a direct invitation to go on a date or express your interest concretely, she may assume that you are content with a friendship, or that you might not be serious about dating her. The repeated “friend” comments, while painful, may be her way of protecting herself from potential rejection or complications, especially since she’s still entangled with her ex-husband and children. You’ve been sending signals, but without a clear action from your side, the dynamic stays ambiguous.

It also seems like fear is playing a big role for both of you. You’re afraid of being rejected or misread, and she may be afraid of taking a step that could complicate her life or work environment. This is why April emphasizes the need to ask her out regardless of the outcome, it clarifies the situation. It gives her the choice to respond honestly, and it allows you to take control of your own feelings rather than being at the mercy of mixed signals. At this point, subtle gestures aren’t enough to cut through the uncertainty.

Finally, it’s important to recognize your own needs and boundaries. If what you want is a romantic relationship, remaining passive and hoping she changes her behavior may only prolong your frustration. By taking a clear, decisive step asking her out or expressing your interest openly you are respecting both her autonomy and your own desires. If she responds positively, it opens the door to dating. If she doesn’t, it gives you the clarity to move forward without lingering in a state of emotional limbo. Either way, action provides clarity, while inaction only fuels doubt and heartache.

[Member]

Posts