[indikiddie]

Hi April, I really need some advice….
So I’m a 24 year old art school student and I’ve been dating my boyfriend long distance for a little over 4 years now and overall we have a great relationship. We call each other just about every night, text each other just about every day and dedicate two days out of the week to see one another (he comes to see me one week and I go to see him the next). We’re good friends and we also are great lovers too. We’ve already expressed to one another that we see a future together and would like to eventually get married.

Lately, though, I’ve been having my doubts about our future because we are truly opposites:
I had depression in high school so part of my therapy was to look on the bright side of things, which I continue to do today. He sees things in a pessimistic light and sometimes sucks the excitement out of events. I like to go out, where as he likes to stay in. I’ve got my life planned out for the next 3 years, whereas he doesn’t even have next month planned out. Our dream places to live are each other’s nightmares. When I’ve mentioned places to move to, he’s expressed that he doesn’t want to leave the area that he lives in now (which is where he grew up). He smokes cigarettes and weed, I don’t smoke either. He loves rap and hates EDM, and I hate rap and love EDM.

I’m just afraid that in the future he won’t be happy for or supportive of me if I ever find success in my field. When I got into art school in San Francisco he initially got really upset, saying that I should’ve talked to him first before deciding to go to school so far away. But he calmed down after I assured him that I was planning on attending the school online for 2 years and then go on campus for the remainder of my schooling. Recently have decided that I’m going to go to San Francisco this coming fall, which is a year earlier than I had planned. He said that he would come join me in San Francisco after he secures a higher paying position at his job, which should be in a year’s time, so until then I’m going to dorm on campus. But I just don’t know if I should work with the relationship that I have now or if I should try and find someone that is more suited to me and my personality. This whole situation has been so emotionally confusing for me. I know he loves me very much and I love him too and when we’re together we’re great and he isn’t always a moper like this, but I don’t know if I’m going to want to be with someone who isn’t going to be happy or supportive of my future endeavors. It’s almost like the potential unhappiness is just as high as the potential happiness. What do you think I should do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s often difficult for women to put themselves first. They don’t understand that unless they do, they can’t be in a healthy relationship. Men do, easily. But women make the mistake of acquiescing — and then getting unhappy because they have. Your goals have changed, and that’s very normal — especially at your age. However, there’s now so much incompatibility between you and your boyfriend, you’re wondering about your future with him.

The reality is that compatibility is crucial for a future in any relationship, and many people, like yourself, don’t give it enough weight. Instead, they look for something wrong with their boyfriend — and when he’s basically a good guy, which your boyfriend is — they have trouble understanding that incompatibility, itself, is reason for a break up and for them to move on.

Right now, you have to put your energy into your education, your career path, and your personal happiness in order to meet Mr. Right — who will not only have compatible life goals, but he’ll want your success as much as his own. He’ll want you to be happy and he’ll realize what’s important to your happiness, as well as his. And while your boyfriend is a great guy — he’s not right for you now. You need to be able to go San Francisco looking forward, not backward.

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[indikiddie]

Thanks so much April. I’ll be putting a lot of weight in your advice during the next steps I take in this point in my life.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome, and good luck! 😀

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
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