[Canilla]

Hey, I am 22 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend has always bin a jealous guy and suddenly he is not anymore (I know I should feel happy about that) But Last night he went out drinking and he should be home 1:00 am but he did not show up. So I called him about 5:00 am and then he said really drunken “I just fell asleep”? Then another hour went by and I called again and it was ringing long before he picked up and then he said angry “I’m coming now” And then another 15 min. went by (Btw it only takes 5 minutes to get home from the city) And then he come home and was angry at me and he suddenly started saying I accused him for being with someone else and I did not! And he got so mad he smashed the closed! So why would he bring that up? And in the morning he said sorry and I think I found some red stuff all over his shirt their smells like lipstick? And two girls have called him now? And he didn’t pick up while I’m there? One of them he met in the city that night and he said she just was an ols friend? And the other girl was also just an old friend? But why should The girl call him the day after the met in the city? Please help I am going crazy! Am I so wrong by thinking this about him? I know everyother girlfriend he had was cheating on him so whould he do the same to me? Thanks for your time.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little bit, first. 😉

How old are you and your boyfriend?

How long have you been dating? Living together?

Does he know about the pregnancy? Was it planned or an accident?

I’ll write back with my best advice, after you answer those questions. 😀

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[Canilla]

Hey I am 19 and we have bin dating for almost a year. The pregnancy was not planned at this time, but we wanted to get kids together so we decided to do it now. My boyfriend is 23. And yes he knows about the pregnancy and he knows it’s a healthy little boy and he says he cant wait for the baby to be here. We have bin living together for 4 month now (so still new) But we have not bin apart “one day” since we. 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you for filling me in — it helps. 😀

It sounds like your 23 year old boyfriend is having a reaction to the unplanned pregnancy. I know that he may say he can’t wait for the baby to be here, but this is a very big deal, and his behavior is telling you what his words aren’t. He may feel trapped, and that’s why he’s behaving ways that rebel against entrapment. Either way, he’s not acting like someone who wants a responsible commitment to you. 😕

Try to look at things from his point of view. Even though he’s four years older than you, 23 is still young, and because the pregnancy is unplanned, and the two of you have only been dating for a year and living together four months, these major life changes are not just unexpected, but they are quick in the relationship. He may have told you he’s okay with everything, but he isn’t.

My advice is that you try to empathize with him and be realistic about the situation. That may mean accepting disappointment because things aren’t the way you want them to be. I know you want to have a committed relationship with him, but he’s not acting like he wants the same thing with you. Living together at this point may not work out. Because you are going to have the baby, it’s important that you create a living environment that is safe, supportive and as stress-free as possible. I know you’re upset with his behavior, but he’s acting out, and that isn’t great for you. Reprimanding him, and creating ultimatums, aren’t going to work, and may make things worse. He can still be a good father to your son, without being in a committed, romantic relationship with you. And while that’s disappointing, I’m sure, if he keeps sneaking around with other women because he doesn’t want to be tied down to you, it’s just going to create more stress and strife for you during your pregnancy, and possibly beyond that.

I hope that helps.

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[Canilla]

It did thank you, and I am gonna talk calm to him about all this and how I feel (so I am gonna have this in mind thanks) 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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