[drforever]

What To do? What to do?
So my bf and I always get into arguments about everything and we have been together for 3 yrs. I love him more than anything in the world. He is the only thing that has given me the happiness I have ever felt in my life. The only problem is that I don’t feel like the feelings are reciprocated. I am confused I really don’t know what to think. He acts like I am the most amazing person ever sometimes and then other times he complains or finds everything wrong with me. Like for example, I told him earlier this week that I couldn’t see him this weekend because of school, but then today I called him and talked to him and told him that I miss him and was wishfully hoping he would come out and surprise me like he did before. He responded by saying that I am silly and should think that since it was my idea not to see him. I agree, but it hurts when I say something sweet and he just brushes it off and essentially ridicules me for how I feel/felt or what I was thinking. Other examples included times i try and kiss him in public and he moves away from me. Or when we get into heated arguments he walks away (and its scary since I don’t have a car and we are in a public place). He also uses really mean curse words towards me when we are arguing and makes me feel like he doesn’t care at all about me.

On the other side of the spectrum:
– He is loyal
-Our first date was the best day of my life.
-He pays for diner and is very generous
-He always does nice really things on my Bday, valentines day, christmas,etc
– he has helped me and my mom by driving me to my university without asking for pay from my mom from dropping me off to my university when my mom didn’t feel like driving me back ( although lately he doesn’t like to do it as much since he thinks my mom and i are taking advantage of him being there and doesn’t want my mom or I to be dependent. P.S- my mom always pays for the gas money)

Each time I don’t see him, i miss him. He is the love of my life, but sometimes the love of your life isn’t necessarily the one for you. When I think of him, I think of all the good times we had and how amazing he has treated me before. I never think about the bad things. I just wish he would be more like me and not focus on things he doesn’t like about me. He tells me he loves me and I believe him. I am his first everything (gf, love, etc). It makes me cry sometimes, thinking about us, but I try not to tell him. I want to make him happy, but when he always says how I don’t do anything for him and how this relationship is always about me it makes me less willing to do things for him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]…I just wish he would be more like me….[/quote]

It’s time for you to be a little more realistic and see him — and yourself — for who you both are. He is not you. He is not like you, and you are not like him. In fact, men and women are different, and the sooner you understand the differences, and how to navigate them, the easier your life and your relationships are going to be. 😀

The problems you mentioned aren’t necessarily deal breakers, but they do require some work. So let’s address each one:

[quote]The only problem is that I don’t feel like the feelings are reciprocated. I am confused I really don’t know what to think. He acts like I am the most amazing person ever sometimes and then other times he complains or finds everything wrong with me. Like for example, I told him earlier this week that I couldn’t see him this weekend because of school, but then today I called him and talked to him and told him that I miss him and was wishfully hoping he would come out and surprise me like he did before. He responded by saying that I am silly and should think that since it was my idea not to see him. I agree, but it hurts when I say something sweet and he just brushes it off and essentially ridicules me for how I feel/felt or what I was thinking.[/quote]

Okay, so on one hand, you’re making a blanket statement that your feelings towards him aren’t being reciprocated. But then you go on to say that sometimes he acts like you’re the most amazing person ever…. So…. which is it? Is he always not reciprocal in his feelings or just sometimes? Because if he NEVER reciprocates your feelings then after three years you’re with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you that you feel about him — in which case you have to decide if there’s enough there to stay or to go. BUT…. if he sometimes acts like you’re the most amazing person ever — that’s a big deal. Any guy who thinks you’re the most amazing person ever DOES care about you, and is letting you know by telling you this. 🙂

Next, you told him you can’t see him this weekend because you’re busy with school. Naturally, he may be hurt, so when you call looking for emotional support, he’s basically telling you you can’t have it both ways. His needs weren’t met because he didn’t get to see you — but you want your needs met by having space from him AND getting his affection on the telephone. 😕 From his point of view, you rejected him for the weekend. Guys who feel rejected aren’t going to be generous. 😕

[quote]Other examples included times i try and kiss him in public and he moves away from me. [/quote]

This one’s easy. Don’t kiss him in public! Then, you won’t feel rejected. Not everyone is a public display of affection person, and if everything else is going well, then let this one slide. Relationships are about giving and taking, and if you can give in on this one, you’ll be a lot happier (and so will he!).

[quote]Or when we get into heated arguments he walks away (and its scary since I don’t have a car and we are in a public place). He also uses really mean curse words towards me when we are arguing and makes me feel like he doesn’t care at all about me.[/quote]

Figure out why you’re getting into heated arguments in public places, and work on your communication skills so that the arguments don’t get heated regularly. If you feel an argument in a public place coming, then stop engaging and take it up when you’re both calmer and in a safer place. As for his curse words, simply ask him, when you’re NOT fighting, if he’d refrain from using those words because they hurt your feelings.

See if those things help!

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