[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think this has more to do with her realizing that she’s compromising her own values in this relationship than anything else. She’s always wanted more, and you keep making it clear where your boundary is. I think she’s hoping you’ll change and this last incident where a pregnancy scare brought out your true feelings that you really don’t want kids, made her realize that at her age of 35 (thanks for the information on your pre-posting questionnaire) your not wanting kids may be very important to her. She may want kids. She may think she can change you and your feelings. Or she may not have realized your feelings until this pregnancy scare happened. And when you were clear with her, she decided to retreat. I think that because you’re in your 20s and she’s in her mid-thirties, she may want more of a commitment than you’re interested in, and the silence that she’s giving you has more to do with her figuring out that this isn’t right for her than anything else. This is really about incompatibility and her being slow to figure out that she isn’t going to get what she really wants with you. I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you need some help with boundaries. 😉 If you want to break up with him, then you should sit down with him and do so, calmly and peacefully. I think you’re upset about a lot of things that happened in the two year relationship and you’re disappointed at the way things have turned out. I’m very sorry for all of that. But…. the best way to break up with him is firmly and kindly. Don’t get angry, just be sad that it didn’t work out and try to work out an exit plan. The best way to do so is to either ask him to leave, or you leave. Kicking him out should be a last resort.

The logistics on who lives where should probably be determined by your lease. If you’re both on the lease, then you both have a financial obligation. If just one of you is on it, then just one of you has the obligation. If you’re the lease holder then the housing obligation is your responsibility. Read the agreement that you signed with your landlord and you should be able to figure out your options that way. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It could mean that your friend is confused. Why not ask him?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like something’s going on in her life — she’s changed colleges and instead of going to school far away from home, she’s now going to a new school nearby. I think she’s feeling conflicted and maybe overwhelmed by some things you haven’t mentioned — maybe because she hasn’t mentioned them to you! Why not hang back, but balance that with flowers, little gifts, invitations to have coffee, and emails or texts letting her know you’re thinking of her. Give that a set amount of time so you don’t fall into the friend zone, and after that set amount of time, if you don’t have a good reaction from her, then move on. But give it this one last shot. Can’t hurt, and it might help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If she’s not interested in dating, and you are, then I think you’ll be a lot happier if you find someone who is interested in dating. Since you mentioned in your pre-posting questionnaire that the two of you are 19 years old, you have to understand that some teenagers are ready to date, while others aren’t. This is normal. Find someone who is ready to date and pursue that person. This woman isn’t interested in the same things you are. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. It sounds like it’s not her you have the problem with — it’s him. 😕 He’s interested in having relationships with other women, and you don’t like it. So, he keeps social media accounts where he communicates with these women, secret from you in order to avoid your disappointment and upset, and when you find out about them, you feel angry because he knows you don’t like this situation and he’s hiding it from you. He gets depressed because he’s upset you, and locks himself in his room to avoid your feelings and any conflict. That doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it explains it. If you want to stay with him, then you have to break this cycle. Try to look at the problem so that neither one of you is wrong — and see if you can find some new relief. For instance…. figure out what it is he’s getting from these other relationships he has with the woman at work, or the porn stars on the internet. Maybe he needs to feel attractive or think that he’s sexy — and maybe he’s not getting that in the relationship he has with you. If there’s a way you can work on the relationship you have with him, so that he doesn’t want to go outside the relationship, then he won’t. I know this is a new way to think about this, but it might work. Don’t back him into a corner, and instead, see if the two of you can make things work within the relationship so he doesn’t want to leave it. Let me know if that helps! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Confidence is very important to dating. In fact, most women are attracted to confident men more than they are to handsome, rich or funny men. That’s why it’s worth spending some time cultivating confidence. The best way to gain confidence is to create some success for yourself. Find things you’re good at and do them so that you’re successful. This can be a job, a relationship, a sport — whatever you have in your life that works, nourish it! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So, from your intake questionnaire, I can tell that you’re both 25 and you’ve been together for three months. Given that, I don’t think you’re controlling, but you are trying to establish compatibility, and that’s very normal and healthy! 🙂 I always suggest that when you’re dating someone, use the first three months of a relationship to get to know each other and decide if you want to continue dating each other based on what you’ve learned. You should assume that she’s playing the field during this time, as she should, you. It’s too early in the game for commitment because you don’t know each other well enough. If, after three months, which is where you are now, you do want to continue dating, use the next three months to decide if you want monogamy or not.

I know you wish that she was only seeing you, but she’s still testing the waters and she’s seeing other guys. You have competition! 😉 And that’s not a bad thing. You’re going to have to win her over if you want monogamy from her. If, however, you don’t like dating someone who keeps contact with ex lovers and ex boyfriends, and you don’t want to compete with them, then instead of trying to get her to change, you should opt out. This is really about your getting to know her and deciding if you want to stay in the game or not.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sex is important — and it can, and usually does get better — but not without effort. In other words, you have to work at your sex life if you want it to improve, you can’t just wait for change to happen. 😉 For starters, I think you should buy the e-book I wrote for couples who want better sex, Romantic Date Ideas. You can get it here: [url]https://payhip.com/b/IT3S[/url]. It’s got lots of dates that you can create in your home or your area, that will naturally get your sex life going. Bottom line is that you have to put in some effort — whether it’s keeping your lingerie drawer stocked with sexy things to wear, or mixing it up and having sex in different places, or just being able to communicate to your partner what does and doesn’t work, as well as what you both enjoy and would like to try.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Break ups have a life of their own! And remaining friends with an ex, as you can now see, is shaky ground on which to walk. My first thought is why not leave things as they are, but just don’t initiate conversation with her on social media, or respond if she happens to initiate. It’s less dramatic than blocking her — especially since you’re concerned with consequences of doing so. If that doesn’t work for you, then I think you have to block her and disassociate on social media and understand that her talking trash about you is one of the possible ways that relationships that end fall out. If these people to whom she’s trash talking you, know you, or know about the break up, then you should trust that they’ll understand what’s going on. And if they don’t, then you’re not losing a true friend anyway. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you sleep with a guy on the first date, and he doesn’t call again, chances are that he was either just in it for the sex, or he wants someone who’s not quite so easy. 😕 It sounds like you wanted more than just sex, and if that’s the case, you should always wait to have sex with a date — it’s very confusing for most people who don’t get a good response after that first date where they slept together, to figure out if the date was just about sex or if it was just not a good match. 😕 Bottom line is that if he doesn’t call you, he’s not interested in more. 😳 I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I am in a relationship with a a guy that is pretty much a dick. [/quote]

Why would you stay with anyone like this? 😯 My vote is to move on whether or not there is another guy you’re thinking about. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If it’s too painful to have contact with your ex, then don’t. Just don’t respond and if it helps you, you can block her from your social media so you’re not upset by her comments or presence. It doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong, but it does seem that whenever she contacts you, you get your hopes up and when nothing materializes, you get angry. The best way to deal with that is zero contact and move on.

I hope that helps. 😉

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