[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you already know what I’m going to say. Now that you’ve figured out who she is and who she’s seeing, and that she’s not upfront or honest about this, it’s time for you to move on. You’re looking for monogamy and she’s not. Since you’ve been dating for five months now, this is about the time when you decide if you want this relationship to be monogamous or not. It seems like she’s not ready and the dishonesty or the lack of disclosure, isn’t working for you. Time to move on, and be glad you didn’t invest more time in this one. Next! 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you’ve got to keep your eye on the ball. If you’re looking for this to turn into marriage, then have a timeline for yourself. If you’re looking for it to turn into a monogamous, live in relationship, then have a timeline, as well! The challenge of long distance relationships is that timeline. Since you’re both in your 30s and you’re in different countries, what’s the plan, in your mind? His? Is it compatible?

That said, with long distance relationships, you absolutely have to give people a lot more leeway than if you were in town. His having a friend with benefits or a one night stand may be a don’t ask, don’t tell situation. I don’t know how often you see each other, but that frequency, coupled with your time line will help you decide what you’re willing to let go and not let go. Frankly, I think he’s got the right idea to make these relationships work. But… that doesn’t mean your feelings of jealousy aren’t valid. It’s good that he’s honest with you, and that you’re processing this information. But I think that unless there’s marriage or a serious commitment on the horizon, that you’re both invested in, these indiscretions have to be overlooked while you’re in two different countries.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Bottom line is that you need to be patient when you’re meeting people on dating apps. There’s competition! He’s meeting other women on the app where the two of you met, and he’s talking to them and even dating them. That doesn’t mean they’re going to be his final choice, or that he’s not interested in you, but you have to give people you meet online, time. A two week deadline in which to produce a real life date, from an online prospect, isn’t always realistic. My advice is to give it three months when you meet online or on an app, and if there’s no date by then, definitely move on. In the meantime, play the field! If you’d had other opportunities with other prospects, I don’t think you’d have lashed out the way you did. Take your time, and really get to know people and use those dating apps efficiently! They can be wonderful tools.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for the update. Let me know if you have any questions. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I would love to respond, but since you’ve already started a string of posts on this site, I’d appreciate if you would please re-post this new post as a “reply” to the string you’ve already started here: . I’ll look out for it and answer it when you repost. It’s much easier to give better advice when a person’s history is in one place. Thank you! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you’re focusing on his lies about the gifts, but the lies are a symptom of his not wanting a conflict with you. In other words, you haven’t said that this guy is a chronic liar. I think you’re saying that he is not being truthful to you about getting rid of gifts from his ex-girlfriend, only. Understand that people lie to avoid the truth coming out, and in this case, he doesn’t want to tell you that he has feelings for his ex. I’m sure you understand that he’s still got an emotional connection to her, even though the relationship is over. The question you have to ask yourself is, do you feel that his relationship with this ex is a threat to your relationship with him? And if so, how? Or… are you just jealous that he still has feelings about a love that’s over?

The reality is that we all have baggage and just because he loved someone with whom things didn’t work out, doesn’t mean he can’t give his heart and his life to you. People re-marry after divorce and being widowed, and they maintain feelings for their exes in many cases — but it doest mean they can or even want to be with them again. The bottom line is that it seems that after dating for 10 months and talking about marriage, he wants you. The question is, do you want him, even if he has feelings for an ex that he is not acting on? If you can simply not like it, but accept it, you may have a much easier time in the relationship, knowing that he wants to keep these gifts from an ex, until he’s ready to get rid of them — not because he’s being given an order to get rid of them.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sometimes relationships that start up super quickly end just as quickly! It sounds like he’s in a relationship with someone — possibly married — and he doesn’t want any trouble from his significant other finding out about you. He also may have other flings like the two of you had, and he’s having trouble juggling them, so he’s clearing the slate and starting fresh. My guess is as good as yours, but as you said, he’s made his intentions clear. He doesn’t want any more contact. Time to move on and learn what you will from this. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both? And how long have you been dating? Living together?

Also, who is this other woman and why do you have a problem with her?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m really sorry you’re having so much anxiety. I completely understand that you want more, and he doesn’t, but you’re not ready to give up on him or the relationship, even though doing that means that you’re losing your dreams at the same time — and losing sleep as well. This is a tough one because you can’t have it all at the same time. Since you’re 38 and he’s 39, and you’ve been together for two years now, I think it’s time for you to get serious about your goals in life. If after two years, of dating a single mother, he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you, or even live together, and that’s what you want, then it’s time to move on. Focus your dating on trying to meet someone with the same goals you have – in this case, you’re looking for a guy who wants a commitment to both you and your teenage son. Don’t waste time, and try to find out if you’re compatible early on. I hope that helps! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. No apologies necessary — I just want you to be able to get your questions answered sooner rather than later. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you have your answer. If he wanted to contact you, he would have. For future…. please avoid using texting for emotional and important conversations. It’s much better to wait and have them in person. This is the second post I’ve answered today where a text exchange ended a relationship. Texting is too easy to get sloppy with. It’s fast. It’s facile. And it’s the perfect vehicle for reactive behavior that creates emotional divides.

Next piece of advice is to not bring up “the talk” that guys hate to have. By “the talk”, I’m referring to any conversations about the relationship status. You’ll know whether you’re where you want to be by his behavior. When you initiate the talk it’s because you don’t like where you are — and guys hate this. It backs them into a corner. Maybe you needed confirmation that he wasn’t ready for the type of commitment you were, and if the talk served that purpose then so be it. But I’m not sure you really wanted the relationship to end, and that’s a common result of initiating the talk.

And lastly, when a guy is just out of a relationship and starts up with you, beware the rebound effect! 😕 Chances are you’re the relationship that he’s using to get over the last one. 😳

I hope that helps. I know it’s not good news if you were wanting a reunion, but maybe you’ll see it as an opportunity to move on and find the guy you’re looking for. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well….. using the L word can be precious — or it can be cheap if it’s used carelessly. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you rebounded with this new boyfriend. When you break up from a six year relationship — starting a new one the very next day doesn’t give you time to process the break up. 😕 That said, it sounds like you’re happy with this new boyfriend, and you feel guilty about hurting your ex by breaking up with him. The reality is that break ups hurt — and because you were his first relationship, his pain may be even stronger. 🙁 But if you get back in touch with him, you may either give him false hope, or, if you tell him you’re dating someone new, you may hurt him even more, but give him the opportunity to realize it’s truly over because you’ve moved on and so should he. But if you’re having second thoughts about continuing in this relationship, chances are, it’s because it was a rebound relationship that helped you get over the break up. It may not be the last relationship you’ll have, but it is serving a purpose for you. If, however, you find that you’re uncomfortable in this new relationship because you just didn’t really have the chance to grieve the end of the six year relationship, then my advice would be to try and be single for a while. Six years with one person, that ends in a break up is a big deal. I think you haven’t let yourself really feel that, yet.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’ve already started a string of posts on this site, please repost this question as a “reply” on that string you’ve already begun. It’s much easier to give good advice when we can all see your history in one place. Here’s the link: . 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem is that you used a swingers site where you and your partner meet others to have sex with, to create an emotional bond with someone. If you had had that two and a half out conversation with a stranger at a hair salon, a coffee shop. or a park, you wouldn’t be in this mess. It’s the choice to talk to someone on the swingers site about an intimacy and to create a bond with that person, that upset your partner.

Swinging is tricky because whenever you introduce someone into your bedroom, there’s a chance that one of you will form a stronger bond with that third or fourth person, and jealousy will occur. That’s kind of what’s happened. Your partner is jealous of the relationship you’ve formed with another swinger in your group.

If you write back, let me know how old you all are, and how long you and your partner have been together, and if you live together or not.

[Member]

Posts