[April Masini, your AskApril]

Have you written before, on this forum, on this subject? It sounds familiar….

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like the person who is telling you this is still not over their ex. 😉 Pretty simple. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So you’re 24 and he’s 18 or 19. The age gap isn’t a big deal, but he may not have the experience and confidence to approach you. Usually, if a guy likes you, you’ll know it because he’ll want you to like him and he’ll try to win you over. He’ll smile, flirt, make conversation — and ask you out on a date!

If he isn’t interested, he won’t. You can try talking to him and asking him questions, to see if he takes the opportunity to flirt with you. But I wouldn’t spend a lot of energy on him since he doesn’t seem to be acting all that interested. 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’ve made the choice to move on, then you should look to date other women. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If she won’t date you, after a year together, it sounds like she’s lost interest. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to stay in the marriage, you have to commit to changing your own behavior. If you don’t like sex with your husband, you have to figure out why and then address those issues. Is it because you’re mad at him? Mad at yourself? Feeling stressed, tired? Maybe there’s not enough foreplay or the romance has left the marriage? Fill me in a little more if you want to work on this. If you want to work on the part of the marriage where you’d like to study and have a career, and he doesn’t want you to, then talk to him about it, and figure out compromises. And if you he’s nagging you and blaming you for things, let me know, more specifically, what the problems are if you want to work on them.

If, however, you really just want to get divorced, then you should see an attorney. But since you have a one year old child, remember that this is no longer just about your feelings. Your child will be affected and you owe it to that child to make sure that before you do divorce, you’ve tried to make the family work. 😉

Let me know if you have any other questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re hurt. I understand. The reality is that life changes all the time — divorces, job issues, college, illness, accidents, promotions — in different cities — and relationships either go the distance or end based on what each person wants for him or herself and for the partnership. At age 19, it’s very normal for him not to want to marry now or in the near future, and it’s also normal for him (or you) to want to test the waters and play the field at college. Because he knows how much you care and want the relationship to go the distance he may feel it’s best for both of you to end things so you’re not disappointed over the long run. I know this doesn’t make you feel very good, but if you understand that the two of you are just not in the same place at the same time, you may be able to accept the strain and possible relationship winding down.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The timeline matters here. How long ago did they divorce? How long were they married?

If this is a fresh divorce, it makes a lot of sense that he’s still processing things. But if it’s 10 years since the divorce, and he’s still holding out hope she’ll come back to him, you have a bigger issue at hand. I’m guessing you’ve never been married or divorced (fill me in, with your age, too). The reality is that most people, especially those with children, have complicated relationships with their exes. Most people marry expecting it to last, and when it doesn’t, they’re traumatized. That said, divorced men can make excellent husbands because they’re very appreciative of a good relationship the second time around, and they want it to work so they may work harder and have knowledge from mistakes made first time around. However, if it’s difficult for you to accept that he loved and lost in his first marriage, you should reconsider dating divorced men. They come with baggage — as well do — but theirs includes an ex who will be in your life as the mother of your future stepchildren if you continue dating him. Bottom line, if you can allow for the fact that he will always have special feelings for his first wife — but he’s with you and he loves you and you he may even love you more and for different reasons, then you should give this all a try and be patient with yourself. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating is not for the faint of heart! 😉 If you’re feeling hurt over this little rejection, maybe I can help you get a perspective. You’re divorced, and I’m not sure how long you’ve been newly single, but dating is extremely competitive, thanks to the online dating pool, which is huge. When you meet someone online, assume he’s meeting lots of other women — and he should assume the same of you with men. If you have one nice date, and he makes another and then cancels, take note — but don’t fret or freak out. You’ve only invested a single date in this guy — and you’ve learned something about him. He’s still invested in co-parenting with his ex (which can be a good thing even if it’s different from the way you and your ex co-parent), and if he’s telling the truth about why he’s cancelling his relationship with the ex is important to him. Again, this isn’t necessarily bad — but it’s different for you. Bottom line, this is good information, early in a relationship. The truth is that he may also have gotten a better date, and lied to you, and that’s why he cancelled. You just don’t know. But remember: the point is, this is very early in the relationship, and if your instincts tell you not to believe him, then trust them, move on and be happy that you only invested one date! Dating is a process. Let it happen. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you’re talking about your having a crush on the Bishop at your church — is that correct? Also, how old are you?

I think you’re asking me if he’s interested in you, since your’e interested in him. The best way to know if a guy wants to date you is if he asks you out on a date. If he smiles at you, flirts with you and starts conversations with you, these are also signs he’s interested. I don’t get the feeling from what you’ve written that this man is interested, but maybe you can fill me in a little more. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I agree with you. He’s just into the sex… but the bigger question is that if you’re engaged and pregnant, why are you dating?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re bitter because you haven’t accepted that it was your responsibility to move on — so accept it, and then forgive[i] yourself[/i]. And vow to do better next time. Shift focus towards you and away from her. It’s the best way to move on.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sometimes, you have to move on to get someone back. If you truly have done everything — big, small and in between — to show her your true colors and apologies and behavioral changes for the past — it may be time to tell her you love her, but you need to move on because wanting her back and not getting her back is too painful. And then, of course, you have to actually do it.

Sometimes there’s too much water under the bridge, and sometimes people want what they think they can’t have. Given all you’ve written, I think it’s time to move on, and see if she wants you more when she can’t have you. 😎

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re still angry about things that happened in the relationship that caused the break up. 🙁 You want her to acknowledge what she did wrong and to apologize, but the break up has happened and you’re having trouble moving on. We don’t always get the closure we want in a break up — but the fact that you did break up is important. Frankly, it sounds like you’re more angry at yourself for staying as long as you did with someone who didn’t take care of your needs or apologize for not doing so. Now, beyond the break up, you want an apology, but that’s not how things usually work. If she was the type of person to apologize, you probably would still be with her! It’s a little harder to accept that you were responsible for choosing and then staying with someone who wasn’t right for you, but when you do, you’ll be able to realize that it’s not really an apology from her that you want — you want a better girlfriend. 😉 Don’t bury your feelings, but do process them. And now that you’re single, you have the opportunity to change your own behavior, hone what you’re looking for in a relationship and meet someone new and better for you. 😉

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