[April Masini, your AskApril]

I see…. well, then, can you give them that assurance? If you can, then do so. If you can’t, then be honest.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like the issues you touched on, about your watching porn and paying attention to other women, are the catalyst for her new behavior this year, where she’s accusing you of cheating. This didn’t come out of the blue, and it’s important to understand that if you want to address it with her. She needs to know that you know you made mistakes and that you are doing things differently. She also needs to know that you really want her back, and not just because you want her, but because you want to be the man she wants. That’s a big difference. 😉

Decide what you’re willing to do to get her back, and what you’re willing to sacrifice. Then make a grand gesture — you’ve got kids and a marriage at stake here, so go big to go home. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It means he’s thinking of you and he likes you…. but he isn’t making any moves to date you. 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Nope. Sounds like trouble to me. 😕

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Wait — you, your boyfriend and a friend drank 30 beers [i][b]and[/b][/i] a few shots of liquor, and you’re asking me about whether a guy you made out with, drunk, likes you? 😯 I think you’re missing the real problem here. That’s way too much alcohol for three people to be having in one night! That you made out with another guy during that evening is not the real problem here! This is terrible for your health, let alone your judgment.

Go get a physical, talk to your physician about your drinking, and then know that anyone who drinks that much with you and then makes out with you is just behaving under the influence. If he really liked you, he’d call you when he’s sober — not cut you off on social media and texts. He’s not interested. Sorry. 😕

I hope that helps and that you can get healthy! 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Their not supporting you is not the worst thing in the world. You’re an adult, and there’s nothing wrong with your having to support yourself. 😉 If you choose to take their support, then you have to play by their rules. If you act independently, then you write your own rules. Since you’re over 21, it’s time for you to make some grown up decisions. 😉 It sounds like you’re trying to have it both ways, and you can’t. Decide which is more important to you: their money or your relationship. When you accept that those things are mutually exclusive, you won’t be in so much pain. Right now you’re trying to make them both work out and it sounds like the reality is it’s one or the other.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain and if you’ve only had one date, and can’t have another one until the summer, keeping interest going is definitely a challenge. In addition, when you meet online, there’s a great chance that he’s talking to other women, as well, so you’ve got competition! My advice is to see how things go, and don’t put too much emphasis on having a relationship as much as on getting to know each other and seeing if you want to have a relationship. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The good news is that you have clarity on your situation. The bad news is that your husband is unhappy in your marriage and is looking for attention outside of it. Instead of issuing ultimatums, consider your part in this. Clearly the relationship is not what it should be…. can you find places in your own life where you’re not the wife he is looking for? Is he feeling neglected? Is your sex life waning? I’m not trying to blame you or let him off the hook, but infidelity isn’t a one way street. There are reasons men cheat and it’s rarely because they’re just chronic cheaters. Usually, they’re not happy in their primary romantic relationships.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know what a PG is, but I do know…. You’re 22 years old, and it’s time for you to be honest with your parents even if you may disappoint them. Life isn’t always comfortable. 😉 That’s what growing up is about. And, if you can’t be honest, you’re probably not ready for a serious relationship. You don’t have easy conversations ahead of you, but it’s important that you have them. I’m sure you don’t want to live a life of lies and sneaking around, so this is an opportunity for you to clarify who you are. Someone is going to be disappointed no matter what, so the best thing you can do is to be honest and as clear as you can. And if you’re confused, that’s okay — but admit that you’re confused. Maybe there is a chance that your parents won’t be upset and they’ll be supportive… ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not a physician, so I’m just guessing…. but it is worth bringing up. And try not to blame him. Men are very concerned about their sexuality and their sexual performances, so as annoyed as you may be that he wasn’t truthful (if he wasn’t truthful), try and empathize before you get mad. You’ll just push him away if you lash out, so create a conversation that is nurturing and supportive so if he has lied or if he does have some issues he hasn’t told you about before because he was ashamed, he can now.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good question — it’s all about the execution. You can lay it right out there and tell him that the last thing you want is to be putting pressure on him, but you really feel you haven’t been honest and you’re not being true to yourself by taking this trip as much as you love him. Tell him you completely understand his timetable, and you respect it, but you’ve jumped the gun on your own and you’ve got to reel yourself back in because as much as you love him, it’s more important to your own sense of integrity to make this type of commitment, married. You had really hoped that since you were making the move, he’d walk the aisle before hand, but since it hasn’t worked out that way, you’d like to hang back and make any move that’s this big, only after you’re married. You can put that in your own words or riff on it so it’s yours. But I do think you have to take care of this now (yesterday) so you don’t keep giving him a false sense of your being okay with this move by going along with it. It isn’t so much an ultimatum as it is a boundary for you that you should have used a while ago, but life happens and we’re all on our own learning curves, so you’re imposing it now.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you should see him and lower your expectations. Just be together. There doesn’t have to be any kind of resolution. You both need to grieve and you both reacted in different ways. You don’t have to think about getting back together or not getting back together. You don’t have to think about having another baby or getting married. Just go for a walk together. Have coffee. And don’t talk about the future. Even if you just sit quietly together you’ll have some healing time.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please start a fresh string of posts, instead of replying with new questions to someone else’s post here. 🙂 I’ll look out for your new post and I’ll answer your questions there.

[Member]

Posts