[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’re not going to see him for the summer, I think you should practice “out of sight, out of mind” and have fun and meet guys who are local to you. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re right. It’s not fair to move your child across country to follow a boyfriend who knows you want a commitment and won’t make one. I think you should stay put and focus on giving your child stability. If your boyfriend understands how important this commitment is to you because you’re showing him with your actions, then he gets to make a choice. But if you say one thing and do another — tell him you want a commitment and then don’t act like you do — you’re not being clear. It’s important that you’re true to yourself and your child and that you keep your priorities straight — not just in your head, but in your life. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he really does like this other woman, and since the two of you have only been on one date, there’s not really a relationship to break up. My advice is that although you like him, you should probably not refer to him as your boyfriend unless and until you’ve had a dozen or more dates together. This will help you gain some clarity on the relationship. He’s not really being a bad boyfriend. He’s just not interested in dating you. 😳 I know this is disappointing, but you’ll feel a lot better if you can think of him as someone you just had one date with, rather than a boyfriend who’s not treating you well. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m going to take a wild guess here, that your boyfriend is taking some form of Viagra, which is may be why things are taking so long. You might want to have a conversation with him about this because one thing the two of you can do is to play around with his dosage — with his physician’s approval, of course. Since he’s got a younger girlfriend in you, and you’ve got a high sex drive, he’s probably dosing up so he doesn’t have to feel old. But it sounds like what he’s doing isn’t working for you so if the two of you can discuss his pharmaceutical life, you may find some room to make things better there.

Let me know if that works.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Next time you talk to him, tell him that you actually live in Germany, but that you’re in London twice a month. See how he reacts and this may be a non-issue or it may be a deal breaker. But you won’t know unless you’re truthful. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re definitely jumping the gun — and if you follow a few dating rules, you’ll have better results.

First of all, use the first three months of dating anyone to decide if you want to continue dating them. During those three months of dating, you should get to know him and figure out if you’re compatible. You should play the field during this time so that you don’t pressure him or yourself into making something work. Instead of trying to force it to be something, get to know him and the relationship and see if it is one you want to pursue. Since you’ve been seeing this guy for four months and have only had one date, I’d suggest he’s not that into you. A guy who really wants to get to know you, will. He hasn’t. 😕 I don’t think there is any reason to block his number or be dramatic. Instead, just let go and move on. You may find that doing this piques his interest and he becomes more attentive when you’re less available. 😎

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t be embarrassed. This is a good question. 🙂 Your situation is not unique — lots of exes act out when they see a former partner happily involved with someone else. That said, his child support situation and his child custody situation are his business. It’s very important that any changes he may make — or decide not to make — are initiated by him, not you. If you become the catalyst for a custody war or a financial fight between he and his ex, you’ll be implicated, as will your happy relationship with him. Decide if you want to continue seeing him, as he is, and if you do, let this stuff go. If he asks you to marry him and your finances will be commingled, that’s a different conversation, but for now, decide if you can continue with him like this or not. I know you don’t like it, and you’re not wrong, but these are his choices. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to start a conversation with him. Small talk is perfect. Or better yet — ask him a question which requires a response, and take it from there. You can ask him about a class, a coffee shop or where he got his sneakers. It almost doesn’t matter what you ask him about as long as you get the conversation started. He may be pleased and relieved that you started up the convo. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Instead of holding on, why not see what happens? If he’s coming back to The States in six months, and you’re here now, wait to see if he asks you out when he gets here. See if your travel romance turns into an in town romance. Don’t try to force it to be something it isn’t. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your feelings are not his feelings. That’s important to understand and the reason that communication is crucial to relationship success. My advice is the you create regular communication and “meetings” where you discuss and share your child’s upbringing. Invite him to go the park with you and your son. Invite him to go to dinner with you and your son. Invite him to go to the zoo with you and your son. Since this is your child together, and it’s important for your son to have both parents in his life, it’s a great opportunity for you to work on your communication with him, and to apologize for what you said and did that was a mistake. At the same time remind him of your feelings and open your mind to creative possibilities for your family together. You’re both very young and dreams you had may not be feasible or practical, so you have to come up with new ones that will work.

And as a reminder, men want to feel like they’re successful and that they’re your hero, so if he doesn’t feel that with you, he’ll go elsewhere for that. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you — but it does mean his needs aren’t being met with you, and men go where their needs are met. Love isn’t a magical magnet. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Regret is a terrible feeling. It’s worse than rejection. And if you want to stop feeling so badly, you have to change your behavior and your outlook. Instead of seeing things as hopeless, do something differently. If you don’t have a social media account, get one! Someone is offering to help you connect with him and you’re simply sitting on your hands and playing the victim. You shot this guy down once, and every time you see him and don’t say hello, he’s going to feel like you really don’t like him. Show him otherwise. 😎

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’ve been dating for over a year, and you’re old enough to decide that you want to marry, then you have to choose between pleasing your families or yourselves. This is a tough decision, and if you do write back, fill us all in a little more on how old you both are, and how long you’ve been dating.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m very sorry for the loss of your baby. These things are difficult for the fathers as well as the mothers. It makes sense that he might be all over the map, emotionally, after the death of his child. Since I don’t know much about you or your relationship (ages, how long you’ve been together, broken up, what the relationship was like, etc.), my advice is to at least sit down and have coffee with your ex. Processing the death of a child is important and tough and whether you get back together or simply talk over a drink, the connection is important. I don’t think you have a lot to lose if you keep your expectations low and your heart open.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sounds good.

[Member]

Posts