[April Masini, your AskApril]

I would love to answer your question, but first… please post this as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site here: . It’s easier to give you better advice when I (and anyone else who wants to weigh in) can see your history in one place. I’ll look out for your repost and answer you there. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t ask. The ball is in his court. If he wants a long distance relationship, he’ll bring it up. If he doesn’t want one, he won’t. Until or if he does, assume that he’s not interested in more than what you have in the present. 😉 If you bring it up and you lead the way — and you don’t get the response you were hoping for — now or later, you’ll have wasted time. I know it’s hard for you to do nothing and watch this end, but it’s better for you to have clarity, and if you don’t give him the opportunity to show you what he wants, you won’t have it. So, sit still, quietly, and see how this plays out.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So after five months of dating you, he went back to his ex and you’re hurt and perplexed. Here’s the thing…. someone can treat you nicely and get along with you beautifully — and not feel you’re compatible. It’s a lot harder to understand these break ups where there’s no high drama or fighting to punctuate a break up. Not everyone is going to feel that you’re compatible — and same goes the other way around. You’ll date really nice guys who will be surprised when you feel that they’re not the one in spite of having gotten along so well. The good news is that you only invested five months. And if you follow my suggested dating time line (use the first three months to decide if you want to continue dating and the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous), you’re right on track for not having wasted time, and for really getting to know him (and vice versa).

You didn’t do anything wrong. And neither did he. He’s just not done with his ex. Don’t be too hard on yourself or him — but do move on and look for someone who’s clearly ready for the next step, with you. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m really sorry you’re devastated. Fill me in a little more on the time line and I’ll respond. How long had you been dating him? And how long after he got divorced from his wife did the two of you start dating?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you should tell him. Instead, decide if you want to continue your friends with benefits relationship or not. If you do, then just keep going as you have been. If you don’t, and you want more, then you need to start acting like a girlfriend instead of a friend who allows benefits. 😉 Work with your behavior — not your words.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re upset that he’s moving to go to law school. I can understand that this sort of break up, or change in the relationship where you go from a fast fling to maybe a long distance relationship is unsettling, but he isn’t ready for more, and it’s probably going to be difficult at first for you to adjust to this new change in the relationship. Let me know if you have any specific questions. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little further. How old are you both and how old is the baby?

I read that you’ve been together for 3 years following a 3 month break up — how long were you together before that break up?

Why did you get back together after the break up? I understand why you broke up, but what changed that made you want to get back together?

I’ll look out for your answers and give you my advise when I read them. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote] Y is he reacting like dis…? Will he come bck to talk to me again…? What do u think and suggest me…?[/quote]

He’s not interested. Next! 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your mental health is going to be connected to your physical, social and emotional health, so if you have trouble with the language, then get out there and be physical. Go hiking, take a yoga class, go swimming, and dance! Find people in your country who speak your language. Find a community of ex-pats. Get a haircut, read a book, go to the movies, fill you calendar! This isn’t going to happen on it’s own. The more effort you put into getting over the relationship, the easier it will be. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Exactly. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Wait until the divorce is finalized to contact her again. If she’s feeling guilty about breaking up your marriage, then any contact while you are married, is going to make that feeling for her worse. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he’s hurt that you rejected him. 😳 What happened next is less important, but it’s what you’re focused on. I think you should stop “picking at the scab” that is this misunderstanding, and instead, if you can, try to get back to the relationship you had with him that led up to prom. If it’s not too late, tell him you’d love to go with him — if you do — and that you were really silly for saying you didn’t want to go, but that you got nervous and it just came out. You may get rejected, but you may not and you may get things back on line. Bottom line, his bruised ego is what’s led to his cutting off from you. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Here’s the thing. You’re looking for an insurance policy. 😕 Relationships don’t come with them. 😉 Your boyfriend cheated on you a year ago with his ex, and this app you have on his phone makes you feel better about that infidelity and his promise not to cheat. Now, he wants you to get rid of it, and this is making you think he’s behaving like someone who wants to cheat again. Since you’re in your early 20s, it’s a pretty good bet he’s not interested in settling down. It would certainly seem that if he really wanted to make you feel secure, he wouldn’t care about the app, but whether he’s cheated, wants to cheat or will cheat, his interest in getting rid of your “security blanket” is a sign that the relationship is changing. You’re wise to consider this change in behavior as a flashing yellow light and you have to really decide if this is a deal breaker, or if you’re willing to continue dating him, given your history and this new act. If you do, then you’re going to have to figure out how to date someone who’s cheated on you in the past. This is a tough one, but people do it with time, patience and mutual commitment. If you don’t, then you have to be okay with the reason for leaving. The bottom line isn’t this app, though. It’s really about whether or not his interest in you has waned and he’s looking for an exit door.

[Member]

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