[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have five years invested into the relationship, with four of them good, — and two children. With an 80% “good year” rate and two children, the risk of leaving is a lot higher than in some other situations. Also, you talk about wanting freedom as your main problem — but when you got it by cheating, instead of enjoying that freedom, you ran right back to your husband and confessed. 😕 That doesn’t make me think you really want freedom as much as you want to shake things up in the marriage. Also, it sounds like your husband has also been having problems in the marriage — he’s looked outside the marriage for a sexual and intimacy connection. So you’re both in agreement that there’s a problem in the marriage.

I know you want to leave — and in theory, that’s the easy out and a seemingly quick fix to the problem — but the reality is not so easy and it’s not a guaranteed fix. You’ll have a custody agreement, and you’ll probably have to downsize. If you’re not working, you may need to. You may also find that you repeat the problems from this relationship in your next one if you aren’t really analytical and clear on what’s gone wrong and why. So, why not approach the marital problems first and see if you can’t fix them? You talk about “freedom” but you both went to sex outside the marriage — there’s a difference between freedom and sex, so be clear on what’s wrong in the marriage. And then decide to try and work on it. 😉

Of course, if you’ve already decided to leave the marriage, then let me know if you have specific questions about how to do that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m so sorry you’re miserable. The bottom line is that he rejected you. It happens — and it’s simply a sign that the two of you aren’t compatible. You didn’t do anything wrong. Not everyone is a match, and he was clear with you pretty early on in dating that he decided he didn’t want to date you any more,, which, while painful, is actually a gift. Lots of guys aren’t so straightforward. The best way to get over this, especially since you see him regularly in class, is to start setting your sites elsewhere. Flirt with other guys. Smile or flirt with 20 (yes, 20!) new guys every day. Get busy — exercise, socialize, fill your calendar and do nice things for yourself. 😉 Eventually, I promise, he won’t be the catalyst for these bad feelings — but you have to do your part and be proactive about looking for someone new to date. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Play it cool. 😉 Don’t ask him how he feels about you. Instead, wait and watch his behavior and you’ll know much more clearly what he’s interested in. If he asks you out on a date, and continues to date you, he’s going to be interested in dating you. If he just texts and flirts with you and doesn’t really make an effort to get together with you on any kind of regular or meaningful basis, he’ll be a guy who is interested in you when it’s convenient, but not ready or willing to make the effort to take it to the next level. Also, you didn’t mention why the two of you broke up the first time, and I think it’s important to know that and to be clear about whether anything has changed now so that you don’t repeat an old pattern — that ended painfully for you. I know you want to “do something” now, but the best thing for you to do is to wait to see if he makes a move to take this relationship beyond what it is. I know it’s difficult, but that’s going to be your best bet. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Can you clarify for me?

You said you’ve been dating him for a year, but I got a little confused when you said he’s your best friend and you decided to “kiss him out of the friend zone”. What’s the time line? When were you friends and when did you start dating? And did he actually date you — or did you just go from being “friends” to kissing and more?
Fill me in and I’ll respond. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If your current partner is okay with it, then it’s probably okay to stay in touch, but it’s not something I recommend. 😉 Being honest about your feelings isn’t always appropriate. Sometimes it’s better to be respectful of the relationship you’re in, then to be honest about your feelings. Not all feelings are meant to be expressed to everyone. 😉

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What are you risking? 😯

If you want to get back together, then ask her out. The worst that happens is that she says no. And if she does, you’ve got clarity — if not the result you wanted. As for it being weird, I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s a nice, bold move. 😎

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So, if you’re 23 and you want a relationship where you’re ready to settle down, you have to date smart. If you meet someone online, know that he’s also meeting other women online at the same time and he’s playing the field. That’s just a fact. It’s not personal. People use the internet to meet dates for various reasons — they may want to expand their dating pool beyond who they meet in real life, or they may be super busy with work and don’t have time to “farm” dates in real life, or they may be looking for quick and easy sex, or they may be lazy and this is an easy way to date. Or — it could be some other reason. But those are some things you should consider when you look for dates online.

Also, you should look for compatibility in dating goals. A 26 year old guy who’s looking for dates online could be serious — or not serious at all. They way you can figure this out is the way he invites you on a date. A guy who’s serious about a committed relationship is going to invite you to have a drink or coffee or lunch or dinner. He’s not going to invite you to hang out. He’ll be wanting to get to know you and figure out if you’re right for him. If he’s not doing this, you shouldn’t waste your time.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since one of the problems in the relationship you had with her, was communication, this is a great opportunity to try some better communication. If you want to date her again, then be clear about that. Tell her you’d like to take her out for her birthday, and pick a special place that might be celebratory and a great venue in which to rekindle romance. Make it clear that it’s a date. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’d love to respond, but first…. please repost this as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site here: . It’s much easier to get better advice when we can all see your history in one place. I’ll look out for your repost. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It depends what you want — do you want a hook up relationship? Or a romantic, committed relationship?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You titled your post “Confused” — but this seems pretty clear. You’re involved with a married man. Do you have any specific questions? Is there something I can help you with?

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