[Sally]

It’s not really about the birthday. It’s about feeling invisible in your own home. When someone loves you, they pay attention to the things that matter to you. They don’t have to buy something huge they just show they thought about you. And he’s had three years, plus your reminders, plus easy chances to try. He just… didn’t.

What really hits me is how he always finds a way to get beer and cigarettes, but somehow can’t find a way to pick up a small gift, or ask a friend for a ride, or plan one thoughtful thing. That tells you it’s not ability it’s effort.

You’re not being petty. You’re noticing a pattern. And it hurts because you want him to show up for you the way you show up for everyone else.
You’re not asking for much. You’re just asking to matter.

[Sally]

When you mix real feelings with something that was never meant to last, it leaves you stuck in this weird in-between. You’re hurting, he’s guilty, and no one’s really choosing anything.

He’s not playing mind games. He’s just trying to be the “good guy” in a situation where there really isn’t one. He doesn’t want to lose you, but he also doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend. So he hovers watching you, checking on you, comforting you without actually stepping toward you.

That kind of attention feels like love, but it keeps you stuck. You can’t heal while he’s still showing up like that.
If you two aren’t together, then you need space. Real space. Not talk-at-work space. Not “I’m here for you” space.

It hurts, I know. But this is the kind of pain that only gets better when you stop waiting for him to decide

[Sally]

This isn’t something small. This isn’t “cultural difference” or “past mistake.” What he told you is incest and it’s serious, no matter what country you’re from. And the fact that it went on for years, even after she got married… that’s not something you can just fold into a normal relationship.

I know you care about him. I know nine months of talking can make someone feel like home. But you’re already sick thinking about it and that feeling is your body telling you the truth before your mind catches up.

You don’t build a marriage on something this heavy. You don’t marry into a family where this happened and everyone acts like it’s just honesty.
You’re not wrong for wanting to walk away. In your place, I would. Sometimes love isn’t enough to make something healthy.

[Sally]

When someone loved you that deeply and then suddenly steps back, it leaves this bruise that doesn’t fade right away. And hearing she’s spending time with some new guy… that hits every fear you’ve got.

But here’s the part that’s hard to swallow: when a woman says she needs to find herself, she usually means the relationship got heavy for her in ways she didn’t know how to talk about. And when she goes toward someone new that fast, it’s not really about him it’s about whatever she’s trying to feel or avoid.

The month of space was the right move. Not to win her back, but to clear your head a little. Because right now you’re hanging on to old moments while she’s already in a different chapter.

If you two talk again, keep it simple. No begging, no big speeches. Just see if she steps toward you on her own. Real love comes back without being chased. And if it doesn’t… that’s an answer too, even if it hurts.

[Sally]

This isn’t a fight or a bad week. This is him taking your safety, your money, your phone, your transportation and using all of it to control you. And when someone starts doing that, it’s not about love anymore. It’s about power.

You didn’t do anything to deserve this. He’s choosing this behavior. And the way his mom steps in and sides with him just makes you feel even smaller, like you don’t have anyone in your corner.

Right now you need support you can actually rely on. A women’s shelter, a domestic violence hotline, even just a safe friend or family member who can help you breathe and make a plan. They can tell you how to get important things back your documents, your kid’s things, all of it.

I know you love him, but this isn’t safe. Get somewhere steady first. You can sort out the rest once you’re not fighting alone.

[Sally]

It feels sweet the first couple times like he just really wants you around but after a while it starts to feel like you’re being managed instead of loved.
Wanting to sleep at your mom’s the night before Thanksgiving is normal. Wanting a little space sometimes is normal. What’s not normal is him pouting, shutting down, and making you feel guilty for having a life outside the apartment.

That silent treatment stuff… it doesn’t fix anything. It just keeps you walking on eggshells so he gets his way.
You’re not wrong for wanting him to act like a grown man who can handle a night apart. I’d try telling him calmly, “I love you, but I’m not going to feel bad for seeing my family.” Then just stick to it.

If he wants a healthy relationship, he’ll have to meet you there. Not make you shrink.

[Sally]

When it’s quiet like this a few emails, a few looks, him choosing the seat across from you it’s hard to tell if it means something or if it’s just convenience.
Here’s the thing I’ve learned: guys who like you usually show it in the simplest ways. They make excuses to talk to you. They ask you things about your life. They don’t just sit near you they actually try to make a little space for connection. Even shy guys find tiny ways to step toward you.

Right now it sounds like he’s friendly, maybe curious, but not really moving. If he was interested, you’d feel a little more effort from him a reason for the emails to keep going, a moment where he tries to talk instead of hiding behind sunglasses.

You don’t need to chase it. Just stay open, pay attention, and let his actions tell the truth. Quiet interest always shows up eventually.

[Sally]

It’s one thing for him to want to end things face-to-face some people really believe that’s the respectful way. But staying at her place for a couple days, going out with her, acting like nothing’s changed… that’s not “being polite.” That’s blurring lines.

You’re not wrong for being uncomfortable. Anyone would feel that punch in their stomach. When a guy is choosing you, he doesn’t put you in situations that make you feel second or replaceable.

If he really wants to end things cleanly, he can meet her, say what he needs to say, and come home. He doesn’t need sleepovers or friendly hangouts to do that.
You don’t have to fight about it just be honest with yourself about what actually feels respectful to you. Usually your gut knows.

[Sally]

When someone pulls back like that and then just stares from across the room, it’s confusing as hell. But honestly? This doesn’t sound like a secret crush situation. It sounds more like a guy who doesn’t know how to handle things, so he just avoids you instead of using his words.

As for your friend’s reaction… people make weird faces when they’re caught off-guard. It doesn’t automatically mean she knows something big. If she did, she probably would’ve said it.

What you do know is this: he doesn’t talk to you, he doesn’t respond online, and he hasn’t made a single move toward being closer to you. The staring doesn’t count. A lot of people stare when they don’t intend to do anything.

Try not to build a whole story around silence. If he wanted more, you’d feel it in his actions, not his glances.

[Sally]

It’s that slow kind of hurt where you’re still in love, but you’re starting to feel small in the relationship, and you don’t know how you got here.
The thing that really sticks with me is how he talks to you now. Once a man starts telling you to shut up or calling you names, something in the relationship shifts. And it’s really hard to come back from that. You can love him and still admit that this version of him doesn’t feel safe or steady.

The lie hurts because it cracked something you thought was solid. And now you’re doing all the emotional heavy lifting while he gets angry at you for still bleeding from a cut he made.

I don’t think you’re crazy for wanting it to work. I just think you’re carrying the whole thing by yourself. Maybe take a breath and be honest with yourself about what life looks like if nothing changes. Sometimes that answer tells you everything.

[Sally]

When someone lets you that far into their world, it’s hard not to hope it means more. But from the outside, it sounds like he leans on you because you’re safe, not because he’s choosing you in the way you’re choosing him. And that kind of bond can feel almost romantic even when it isn’t.

I’ve been in something like this. I kept telling myself he’d come around once life calmed down. He didn’t. He just liked having me there while he figured himself out.

I’m not saying he doesn’t care. He clearly does. He just doesn’t sound ready to love you the way you want, and you’re slowly breaking your own heart waiting for him.
Let yourself step back a little. Not to punish him just to remember you exist outside of his needs. It helps more than you think.

[Sally]

Loving someone who won’t meet you halfway feels like dragging a grown man by the hand. I dated a guy like that in my twenties. Sweet heart, zero drive. I kept thinking if I pushed a little harder, he’d finally wake up. He didn’t.

The thing is, you can’t want his life more than he does. That kind of gap just wears you down. And it’s not that he’s a bad person some people just stay comfortable way too long. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck with him.

Try talking to him one more time, calmly, without trying to fix anything. Just saying how you feel. And listen to what he actually does afterward, not what he promises. That’s where the truth usually shows up.

[Sally]

When someone you like drops something… unexpected… your brain goes straight to “Is this normal? Is he strange? Should I run?” It’s okay to feel that little jolt.
But honestly? Lots of people have little quirks like that. Some talk about it, some don’t. It doesn’t make him weak, and it doesn’t put you in some weird power position. It just means that’s one of the things his brain connects to attraction.

What matters is how you feel about it. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can say that without making him feel judged. If you’re open to it but unsure, you can say that too.
Don’t spook yourself. Two months in is exactly when these things start coming up. Just talk to him. See how he reacts when you’re honest. That tells you way more than the fetish ever will.

[Sally]

Falling for someone who feels so sure about you can hit harder than you expect, especially when there’s distance and time apart involved. And yeah, it’s scary when your heart is moving faster than your trust.

Here’s the thing… what you’re feeling isn’t foolish. When someone shows up for you like that, tells you things no one else has, it’s easy to get swept up. I’ve been there. It feels real, and maybe it is. But you still have to slow yourself down a little so you don’t hand your whole heart to someone you barely know outside of a very intense bubble.

Just keep paying attention to what he does more than what he says. Let things unfold without promising forever in your head. If he’s genuine, time won’t scare him off. And if he isn’t… you’ll see it soon enough, and you’ll still be standing.
Take it one calm step at a time.

[Sally]

I’ve been there, watching a friend fall hard for someone you’re not sure about. It’s scary because you don’t want to sound judgmental or lose the friendship, but you also don’t want to sit back and say nothing.

I’d start small. Don’t go in with big warnings or assumptions about where he’s from or what he wants. Just stick to the facts you actually know. Tell her you heard something that worries you, and you’re not trying to control her life you just care about her too much to stay quiet.

Let her talk. Let her get angry if she needs to. Sometimes people need a minute to catch up to the truth.
But say it gently. If the friendship is real, she’ll hear your heart behind the words.

[Member]

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