[Sally]

This is that quiet, confusing space where feelings grow but no one’s saying anything yet. I get why you’re stuck there. From the outside, it sounds like there is something real between you. People don’t accidentally keep showing up, making time, and blending friend groups if they don’t care. And hooking up more than once usually isn’t nothing.

At the same time, he might be matching your energy. You both slid back into “friends” because it feels safer than risking the vibe. That doesn’t mean he’s not into you. It just means neither of you wants to be the first to tip it over.

You don’t have to make a big move. A small, honest moment goes a long way. Something light, something real. If there’s something there, it’ll come forward. If not, you still keep the friendship. Either way, you get out of limbo, and that matters.

[Sally]

It makes sense you feel trapped. There’s love there, history there, and a baby tying everything together, but also a lot of control and fear mixed in.
The makeup and clothes thing worries me. When someone puts you down first and then tells you you’re beautiful, it messes with your head. That’s not protection, that’s insecurity leaking out sideways. And staying home because he insists, not because you choose it, can slowly make you feel smaller.

Wanting your child to have a dad doesn’t mean you have to disappear as a person. Kids don’t need perfect parents. They need calm, safety, and honesty. You’re not selfish for questioning this. You’re paying attention.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. Just don’t ignore that quiet voice telling you something isn’t right. It’s there for a reason.

[Sally]

From her side, it probably felt like she finally took a huge risk and showed up, and when you didn’t meet her, something just shut down. Not anger. More like disappointment mixed with self-protection. Some people don’t fight or blow up. They just go quiet when they feel embarrassed or rejected.

She gave you a clear moment to step forward, and when it didn’t happen, she likely took it as her answer. Not that you didn’t care at all, but that she wasn’t a priority in real life the way she was in words.

If you reach out, don’t explain or overthink. Just own it. Say you regret not meeting her and that it mattered. She may respond, or she may not. But silence right now isn’t a misunderstanding. It’s her guarding herself.

Either way, you learned something real here. And that counts, even if it hurts.

[Sally]

Feeling ignored like that hits deep, especially when you already struggle with confidence. When the affection fades and the effort stops, your brain starts telling you it must be something wrong with you. But honestly, this doesn’t sound like a you problem.

You’ve tried talking. You’ve tried meeting him halfway. You’ve even pushed yourself way outside your comfort zone, and he still shrugs it off. The sighing, the ignoring, stopping once he’s done… that stuff hurts because it shows a lack of care, not tiredness.

Sex isn’t just about sex here. It’s about feeling wanted, desired, connected. Right now you’re putting in all the energy and getting almost nothing back, and that wears you down over time.
A good relationship shouldn’t make you feel invisible. And you’re not wrong for wanting more than this.

[Sally]

When a relationship moves that fast, it can feel magical at first, like finally someone showed up and took the weight off your shoulders. And then slowly, it starts feeling backwards, like you’re losing ground instead of building it.

What stands out to me is that once you got your strength and independence back, the dynamic changed. That says a lot. Some people love being needed more than they love being connected. When that need goes away, so does their comfort.

The anger, the yelling, especially toward kids, that’s not small stuff. Even if it wasn’t aimed at you, it still matters. You didn’t imagine any of this.
It’s okay to feel confused and hurt at the same time. Just don’t ignore how much steadier your life feels now. That peace isn’t an accident.

[Sally]

This is awkward stuff, and it makes sense you don’t know how to bring it up. A lot of guys feel a ton of shame around this, so they avoid it and hope it just goes away. That’s probably why he’s quiet about it.

The best way to talk about it is outside the bedroom, not right after sex and not when you’re frustrated. Pick a calm moment and lead with reassurance. Let him know you care about him and that you enjoy being close to him, but that you miss intercourse and want to feel connected that way too. Keep it about us, not what’s wrong with you.
You can gently ask if this has happened before or if he’s ever talked to a doctor, without pushing. If he’s open to help, great. If he shuts down or refuses to even talk about it, that’s important information for you too.

You’re not wrong for wanting penetration. And you’re not cruel for wanting honesty and effort. This isn’t about blaming him. It’s about whether you can work on this together.

[Sally]

I want to be honest with you, gently. What you’re describing isn’t just a rough patch. It’s emotional neglect, verbal cruelty, and a whole lot of avoidance on his part. The lack of intimacy, the insults about your body, the accusations, the drinking, the refusal to get help none of that is love showing up. And the fact that you’ve done real work on yourself while he keeps deflecting and blaming you matters a lot.

Hope only exists when both people are willing to try. Right now, you’re carrying everything alone. Counseling can’t work if he won’t participate. Threatening divorce, then acting like nothing happened, keeps you stuck and drained.

You didn’t fail this marriage. You outgrew surviving. And it’s okay to ask whether staying is hurting you more than leaving would. You deserve peace, not constant defense.

[Sally]

That kind of switch in behavior is scary, especially when you’re pregnant and already emotional. The way he spoke to you was not okay, and none of that is your fault. Right now, the most important thing is your safety, your stress level, and your baby’s health.

You do not need to chase him or keep reaching out while he’s being cruel and unstable. You tried to clarify about the baby and he responded with anger and disrespect. That tells you he’s not in a place to communicate responsibly right now. It’s okay to step back and protect your peace.

That doesn’t mean you’re deciding forever. It just means for now, give him space. Focus on your prenatal care, your support system, and documenting everything. If he wants to be involved later, that conversation can happen calmly, possibly with mediation or legal support.

You don’t raise a child alone because you’re weak. Sometimes you do it because you’re strong enough to choose stability over chaos. Take this one step at a time. You don’t have to solve the whole future today.

[Sally]

This sounds like a misunderstanding more than a disaster.
You didn’t do anything wrong, and you weren’t creepy or pushy. If anything, you were too careful. With someone that shy, silence doesn’t always mean rejection. Sometimes it means they got overwhelmed, overthought everything, and froze. The part where things shifted was that last message. To a shy person, that can feel like pressure or like the door slammed before they figured out what they felt.

I wouldn’t keep chasing her, but I also don’t think you need to beat yourself up. If you want closure, one simple, low-pressure text is okay. Something like: hey, I realized I might’ve overthought things. No pressure at all, just wanted to say I enjoyed meeting you. Then leave it alone.
If she responds, great. If she doesn’t, that’s your answer. Either way, you handled this with respect. That matters.

[Sally]

She does like you. There’s no doubt about that. The flirting, the pet names, the comments about babies and marriage that’s not accidental. But here’s the part you need to really hear: she also has a boyfriend, and she’s choosing to keep him while enjoying the attention and emotional closeness with you. That’s the line she hasn’t crossed… yet.
Right now, you’re in a safe zone for her.

You make her feel wanted, seen, excited, without her having to make a hard decision. That’s why the signals feel mixed. They’re not mixed in her head. She likes you, but not enough to let go of what she already has.

Waiting around hoping she’ll break up is risky. It puts your life on pause and slowly eats at your self-respect. The healthiest move is to stop flirting and gently pull back. If she truly wants you, she’ll have to choose you clearly. And if she doesn’t, you’ll save yourself months of quiet frustration.
You deserve someone who’s free to pick you without hesitation.

[Sally]

You don’t sound shallow. You sound practical. Loving someone doesn’t mean ignoring patterns, especially after six years. Caring, loyalty, humor those matter a lot. But so does stability, follow-through, and effort. Wanting a better life is one thing. Consistently working toward it is another. Right now, you’re seeing a gap between what he says and what he does, and that gap is making you nervous for the future. That’s not wrong of you.

The temper, the lack of self-care, the job instability, those aren’t small details. Marriage doesn’t magically fix those things. It usually magnifies them.
You don’t have to decide today. But you do need to ask yourself, honestly, if you’re loving who he is now or who you hope he’ll become. Because marrying potential is a risky bet. And it’s okay to admit that love alone might not be enough for the life you want.

[Sally]

What you did wasn’t great, but it also wasn’t evil. You lied because you were scared, young, and wanted to be enough. A lot of people do that early on, even if they don’t admit it.

The truth is, you already did the hardest part you told him. You didn’t keep the lie forever. Trust doesn’t come back through big speeches or promises. It comes back through time and consistency. Being calm, answering questions without getting defensive, and not trying to rush his healing matters more than anything you say.

During this break, don’t punish yourself or beg. Just focus on being steady and honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. If he chooses to stay, it’ll be because he sees that this mistake doesn’t define who you are. And if he doesn’t, it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. It means you learned early.

[Sally]

What you were in wasn’t a real relationship. I know it felt real to you deeply real but someone who refuses to see you for almost a year, lets you drive past their house, take gifts, give everything emotionally, and then blames you for needing a life… that’s not love. That’s control and fantasy mixed together. And it slowly isolated you from your friends, your goals, and yourself.

You didn’t become an asshole. You started growing. You got a job. You wanted a car. You tried to build a future. She wanted you frozen in place, available on demand, with nothing else in your world. That’s not fair, especially at 17.

I know you love her. But love shouldn’t make you hide, lie, stalk, or disappear from your own life. You deserve someone who actually shows up. Right now, the bravest thing you can do is let this go and rebuild you. It will hurt. But staying will hurt you more.

[Sally]

You’re sitting in a lot of regret and missing your whole life right now, not just her.
I’m going to be honest, but kind. That email doesn’t mean she’s ready to take you back. It means she’s comfortable with you again as a person, not as a partner. The way she over-explained “friendly” tells me she’s protecting herself. She’s setting clear walls so she doesn’t give you or herself false hope. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. It means she’s hurt and guarding what’s left of her heart.

Can she forgive you? Maybe. People do. But forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. Right now, the best thing you can do is exactly what you’re doing work on yourself without asking her for reassurance or timelines. Don’t pressure her. Don’t read into small signs. Just be steady, respectful, and consistent.

If she ever comes back, it’ll be because she feels safe again, not because you waited or hoped hard enough. And if she doesn’t, the work you’re doing still matters for you and for your kids.

[Sally]

Being kind, funny, and respectful isn’t the problem. The issue is that you’re playing it safe because you’re scared of messing it up. Girls feel that hesitation. When you don’t show clear interest, they relax into friend mode because it feels safer for them too. Attraction needs a little edge, not arrogance, just intention.

Confidence doesn’t come from knowing the perfect thing to say. It comes from accepting that rejection won’t destroy you. Your heart racing doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you care. Most guys feel that, they just don’t talk about it.

With that girl from the formal, you did great. Next step is simple: ask her out again. Clearly. No overthinking. Even if it doesn’t work, you prove to yourself you can survive trying.
That’s how confidence starts. One honest move at a time.

[Member]

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