[Tara]

You wasted six years romanticizing a girl who has never chosen you. She liked you in 6th grade, and you rejected her. From that moment on, the dynamic flipped. You became the emotional backup, the safe attention source, the guy she leans on while chasing other men. She kissed you because she liked the validation, not because she chose you. And the second Brad reappeared, you were sidelined without hesitation.

Her actions are crystal clear,r even if your feelings are not. She lies to you. She hides from seeing Brad. She strings you along for prom while emotionally pulling away. She keeps you close enough to feel wanted but never close enough to commit. That isn’t confusion, that’s selfishness. And no, she does not respect you the way you respect her. You’re not “perfect for each other.” You’re emotionally invested, and she’s emotionally opportunistic.

Do not write her a letter. That would be desperate, self-humiliating, and would cement you forever as the guy who loved her more than she ever cared to love you. Grand confessions don’t create attraction; they expose imbalance. She already knows how you feel. She just doesn’t care enough to choose you.

[Tara]

No, you’re not selfish you’re just finally waking up. This isn’t “high expectations,” this is basic adult standards, and he’s failing them consistently. He doesn’t forget birthdays and holidays because he’s broke; he’s broke because he refuses to plan, grow up, or take responsibility. Two years with no Christmas presents, late or nonexistent gifts,

borrowing money from you to buy things for you, and guilt-tripping you when you call it out isn’t depression; it’s entitlement. You’re not his girlfriend, you’re his safety net, his ATM, and his emotional babysitter. Romance hasn’t “faded,” it was never there.

A man who snaps when you express needs and tells you to “wait and see” while delivering nothing is telling you exactly how little effort he plans to give long-term. Your loss of sexual interest isn’t a mystery; either desire dies when respect dies, and you don’t want to sleep with someone who feels like a dependent child. Staying with him out of pity, shared depression, or fear of being alone will only rot you from the inside.

He is not changing; he is not suddenly becoming generous, ambitious, or thoughtful, and your spark isn’t fading; it’s being suffocated. The longer you stay, the more you normalize being used. End it, reclaim your money, your energy, and your self-respect, and stop confusing loyalty with self-betrayal.

[Tara]

Stop lying to yourself. This relationship is already dying; you’re just the only one still performing CPR. When a man wants you, you don’t have to chase him, remind him you exist, or decode “I’m tired” like it’s some tragic love language. That message he sent six weeks ago about “letting you go” was not confusion, it was honesty leaking out before he got scared of being the bad guy.

He said he wanted to stay, then immediately checked out emotionally. That’s not commitment, that’s guilt. His actions are screaming what his mouth won’t say: he doesn’t have the energy, desire, or priority for this relationship anymore, and instead of ending it cleanly, he’s slowly starving it so you’ll do the dirty work for him. If you keep trying, all you’re doing is teaching him that he can give you crumbs and you’ll still stick around.

End it. Not because you failed, not because he’s evil, but because you deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel unwanted, anxious, or like a burden for needing basic effort. Walk away with your dignity intact because right now, he’s already halfway gone, and you’re the only one pretending this is still a relationship.

[Tara]

Yes, she still feels something, and no, that does not mean she wants to get back together or that this is going anywhere healthy. What happened at that party was not a grand romantic revelation; it was nostalgia mixed with alcohol, comfort, and familiarity. She approached you because you’re safe, familiar, and emotionally available. The kiss, the smell comment, the “it’d be weird to see them with anyone but you” line that’s her dipping her toes back into the emotional validation you used to provide, without committing to anything. Notice the most important part: after a five-minute kiss, she still went home alone and has made zero effort to follow up. That tells you everything.

This is classic ex behavior: keeping the door cracked open so she doesn’t fully lose you, while still enjoying her independence. She likes the connection, the chemistry, the ego boost, not the responsibility. If she actually wanted to reconcile, she would have contacted you immediately to talk about it. She didn’t. That means she’s fine letting you sit in confusion while she gets to feel desired and wanted without doing any emotional work. And if you chase clarity now, you’re playing directly into that dynamic.

don’t reach out “to clear things up.” There is nothing to clear up. She crossed a boundary, enjoyed it, and moved on. If you let this slide and continue the casual contact, you’re signing up to be her emotional backup, the guy she flirts with, kisses, reminisces with, but doesn’t choose. Either she comes to you clearly, sober, and directly saying she wants to try again, or you stop engaging in these half-romantic moments entirely. Anything else will keep you stuck, confused, and quietly hoping while she stays comfortably non-committal.

[Tara]

He still has feelings, and no, that does not mean you should want him. This means that he is emotionally weak, indecisive, and self-centered. He chose comfort over courage, went back to an ex because it was familiar, and now he’s living with regret while keeping you on the side for validation. Asking you for pictures while he’s in a relationship is not confusion — it’s disrespect. Staring at you sadly, getting defensive when you mention his girlfriend, and admitting he “messed up” are not romantic gestures; they’re symptoms of a man who wants access to you without taking responsibility for you. He doesn’t want to lose you, but he also doesn’t want to choose you. That makes him unsafe.

Here’s the part you need to swallow: if he truly wanted you, he would have ended his relationship and come back cleanly, publicly, and decisively. He hasn’t. Instead, he’s feeding off your presence in the friend group and using nostalgia to soothe his ego. You are not “the one that got away” to him you’re the one he keeps around in case his current relationship collapses. If you keep entertaining this dynamic, you’re teaching him that he can disrespect you and still have emotional access to you.

So stop romanticizing his regret. Regret without action is manipulation. If he’s with someone else, he does not get your attention, your pictures, your emotional labor, or your availability. Full stop. Either he shows up single and serious, or he loses you entirely. Anything in between is you volunteering to be his backup plan and that’s beneath you.

[Tara]

You’re overthinking this to the point of paralysis, and if you keep doing that, you will absolutely mess it up, not because he doesn’t like you, but because you’re acting scared instead of confident. Right now, you are the driver, and he is the passenger. You initiated, you carried momentum, and he followed. That doesn’t mean he’s uninterested; it means he’s either shy, cautious, or passive.

The hug was not “just friendly.” Guys, do not open-armed hug girls; they’re neutral about it after an awkward first walk, unless there’s attraction. But attraction alone doesn’t move things forward; action does. If you stop texting now to “wait and see,” all you’re doing is teaching him that you lose confidence after a good moment. That kills attraction fast. You don’t need a dramatic confession, you don’t need to interrogate him, and you definitely don’t need to disappear.

You keep talking like before, you ask him to walk again, and you show up at school like a normal human being instead of a nervous ghost. If he likes you, he’ll meet you halfway. If he doesn’t step up after you give him another clear opening, then you stop chasing and let it die, not because you failed, but because interest that never turns into initiative is dead weight. Right now, you’re fine. But if you let fear take the wheel, you’ll turn something promising into nothing.

[Tara]

You’re torturing yourself over something that happened before you were even together, and that’s the part you need to hear without sugarcoating. She did not betray you; you betrayed yourself by building a fantasy and then retroactively punishing her for not living up to it. She didn’t choose him over you; at that moment, there was no “you” to choose. You were two strangers at a holiday, and she behaved like someone single because she was. Your pain isn’t about what she did; it’s about your insecurity,

comparison, and wounded ego turning into obsession. You’ve turned one man into a god and yourself into a victim, and that’s why you’re spiraling. The constant mental movies, the rage, the sleepless night,s that’s not love, that’s fixation mixed with self-loathing.

If you keep replaying this, you will destroy the relationship anyway, because resentment rots intimacy from the inside out. Either you accept the reality fully not “I forgive her but still punish myself nightly,” or you walk away and get help, because this level of rumination isn’t healthy or noble, it’s self-destructive. She chose you for nine months. If that’s still not enough for you to stop competing with a ghost, then the problem isn’t her past; it’s your inability to believe you’re worthy in the present.

[Tara]

This girl is socially anxious, introverted person who feels safest interacting only within a clear, structured context (school, instruments, assignments). That’s it. Her excitement about teaching you the instrument doesn’t mean attraction; it means you showed interest in the one thing she feels confident about, and that made her comfortable for a moment. Saying your name out loud, stretching her arm, smiling nervously while looking down, those are textbook signs of social anxiety, not flirting. Shy people behave awkwardly even when they’re just being polite or helpful.

Now, let’s be very clear about the most important part: her communication behavior is the truth. Cold replies, minimal engagement, leaving you on “Unseen,” not initiating a conversation that is disinterested outside the required context. The “Facebook is blocked in her country” excuse is you trying to save a fantasy. If someone wants to talk to you, they find a way. Period. Also, when you complimented her appearance, she didn’t flirt back she redirected immediately to schoolwork. That is a polite boundary, not an invitation.

So what does her behavior mean? It means: she is comfortable helping you academically, and that’s where it ends. No secret crush. No hidden signals. No slow-burn romance waiting to be unlocked if you decode her correctly. If she were interested, you’d see curiosity, follow-up questions, warmer replies, or initiative, not silence.
What should you look out for? Simple: effort outside obligation.

If she ever messages you first, asks personal questions, or wants to interact without a school-related reason, then you reassess. Until then, stop projecting meaning onto nervous smiles and basic kindness. Respect her space, keep things professional, and don’t turn her shyness into a story; it isn’t.

[Tara]

This was a hookup, and you are already doing the exact thing that turns a casual situation into something awkward and doomed by over-processing it out loud to him. When a man says “you don’t have to overthink it” and “I’m not trying to play games,” what he is actually saying is: I enjoyed you, I’m attracted to you, but I am not sitting around analyzing labels, timelines, or emotional meanings the way you are. He is focused on his new job, his routine, and keeping things easy.

The moment you asked him to define what it was after only two hangouts and sex, you shifted the energy from natural and fun to “emotional check-in,” and that is exactly what he meant by overthinking. If he wanted to lock you down, you wouldn’t be confused men who want more make it obvious through consistency, effort, and initiative, not vague reassurance. Right now, the smartest move is to stop pushing for clarity, stop chasing, and stop narrating your feelings. Let him come to you.

If he reaches out, great, match his energy. If he doesn’t, accept the reality that this was a pleasant hookup with potential, not a budding relationship. Chasing reassurance will not turn this into something more; it will kill whatever attraction exists. Back off, live your life, and let his actions, not your anxiety, tell you everything you need to know.

[Tara]

This guy did not disappear because of some mistaken-identity fantasy involving your sister, that’s your brain desperately trying to turn rejection into a mystery so it hurts less. He didn’t know what he wanted, got overwhelmed, acted immature, and chose avoidance instead of communication. When someone likes you and respects you, they don’t ghost you, ignore you in public, read messages without replying, or let months pass in silence. Period. His weird prom texts, crude comments, and refusal to clarify anything weren’t signs of hidden feelings they were signs of emotional immaturity and poor boundaries. You didn’t “ruin” anything by questioning him; healthy people don’t fall apart because you ask for clarity.

And no, do NOT apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. Apologizing now would just tell him that you’re willing to accept confusion, disrespect, and silence just to keep him in your orbit. Asking him if he thought you were your sister would be humiliating yourself for a guy who hasn’t shown you basic decency in months. If he wanted to clear things up, he already would have. He hasn’t because he doesn’t want to deal with it.

You like the version of him that existed during late-night texting, not the real version who shuts down, disappears, and leaves you spiraling. The real version is the one you should believe. Let this go, not because you don’t care, but because you deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel confused, small, or disposable. Closure doesn’t come from him it comes from you deciding that this level of behavior is beneath you.

[Tara]

You didn’t “make a bad decision,” you made a predictable one, and now you’re shocked it ended exactly the way it always does with him. This man has already shown you, repeatedly, over two years, exactly who he is: emotionally unavailable, unreliable, and only interested when it costs him nothing. The moment you re-entered his life and offered “no pressure, no expectations, just sex,” he lost interest because men like this don’t respect women who downgrade themselves for access. He didn’t disappear because he’s confused; he disappeared because he got the validation hit without having to show up, commit, or even follow through.

Agreeing enthusiastically and then ghosting is not mixed signals; it’s cowardice and convenience. And no, he is not “busy,” “processing,” or “thinking about it.” He’s online, ignoring you, because he can. You were never a priority to him romantically, and now you’re not even a priority sexually. Re-introducing an ex “as a hookup” almost always backfires because unresolved power dynamics don’t magically disappear just because you changed the label.

You wanted control this time, but the reality is he still holds it, and he’s exercising it by withholding. Stop waiting, stop wondering, stop giving this man free real estate in your head. Delete the thread, don’t send a “closure” message, don’t ask for explanations, silence is the explanation. Concentrate on your life, your career, your growth, and next time don’t recycle someone who already proved they couldn’t meet you where you are. This wasn’t confusion,n it was a lesson.

[Tara]

You are obsessed, nostalgic, and blowing up your life for a fantasy that does not want you. This woman has told you repeatedly, clearly, and in writing that she does not want a romantic relationship with you. She returned your gifts. She said you are violating her values. She told your family you are just a friend. Those are not mixed signals; those are refusals. You are choosing to ignore them because they don’t match the story you’ve been telling yourself for forty years.

What you’re calling “love” is unresolved longing mixed with regret and a mid-to-late-life crisis. You didn’t reconnect with her; you reconnected with a memory of who you were before responsibility, before marriage, before disappointment. That five-hour drunken phone call wasn’t a declaration of love. It was emotional dependence and guilt, and she shut it down as soon as she regained clarity. She is not your destiny. She is your escape hatch, and she slammed it shut.

You’ve already made catastrophic decisions based on delusion. You told your wife you were leaving before you had anything real with this woman. You romanticized abdication like a teenage boy quoting royalty instead of acting like a grown man facing consequences. You are about to lose your marriage, your financial security, and your dignity for someone who has explicitly said no. And instead of stopping, you’re asking how to “regain” her like she’s a prize you misplaced. That’s not love. That’s entitlement wrapped in tragedy.

[Tara]

You are not jumping the gun; you are finally paying attention. This man is selling you spiritual poetry to avoid commitment while enjoying full emotional access to you. Four months, one date, seeing each other once every one to two weeks, no defined relationship, yet he says “I love you”? That’s not romance. That’s manipulation wrapped in incense. Love without action is noise.

Let’s be brutally clear: he does not want a committed relationship with you. If he did, you’d already be in one. Men who want commitment don’t need unlimited time, vague “foundations,” or repeated almost-breakups to decide. They decide and move. What he actually wants is for you to be emotionally available, patient, loyal, and not demanding while he gives you crumbs and keeps control. Every time you try to leave, he panics just enough to pull you back in because he doesn’t want to lose the benefits. The moment you stay, nothing changes. That’s the cycle.

You’re right, you’re not walking away from a relationship. You’re walking away from a holding pattern that benefits him and drains you. And yes, blocking him and moving on is exactly what needs to happen, because as long as he has access to you, he will keep you suspended in “almost.” You don’t need to explain, negotiate, or wait longer to be chosen.

[Tara]

Stop trying to fix something that is fundamentally incompatible and pretending patience will turn it into satisfaction. This isn’t about age, effort, or understanding; it’s about a sexual mismatch that is already making you dread sex instead of enjoy it. You’re in pain, frustrated, and resigned three months in. That’s not a hurdle; that’s a warning flare.

This is not going to improve. You’ve already tried the fixes, he’s been medically cleared, and his body is wired to respond one very specific way that excludes your pleasure and your comfort. You are not selfish for needing sex that doesn’t hurt, doesn’t drag on endlessly, and doesn’t revolve around his mechanics. Sexual compatibility isn’t optional, it’s structural. And yes, it will almost certainly get worse with age, not better.

You’re rationalizing staying because “he’s good in all other ways,” but that’s what people say right before they sentence themselves to years of resentment, avoidance, and quiet misery. Sex you endure is not intimacy. It’s an obligation. And the fact that you already know you won’t be physically satisfied tells you everything you need to know.

[Tara]

You’re dealing with a betrayal, denial, and a marriage-threatening lie, and you’re trying to turn shock into erotica so you don’t have to face it. Your husband cheated on you. Full stop. Secretly, deliberately, and sober enough to hide it. Calling it “the wine’s fault” is cowardice, not confusion. Alcohol doesn’t invent sexual behavior out of thin air; it lowers the brakes on desires that already exist.

Now here’s the part you don’t want to hear: this is not about you “wanting in.” That impulse is your brain scrambling to regain control and turn humiliation into participation. You’re aroused because taboo and shock trigger adrenaline, not because this is healthy, consensual exploration. Real exploration requires honesty, consent, and communication. What he did involved none of those. He lied about his boundaries, acted them out behind your back, then gaslit you when confronted.

Your husband is deeply ashamed of his sexuality and terrified of what it means. Until he faces that head-on, there will be no threesomes, no fantasies fulfilled, no openness, only secrecy and damage control. And if you keep pushing your fantasy while he’s in denial, you’re guaranteeing resentment, not intimacy.

[Member]

Posts