- This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 11 months ago by
April Masini.
-
AuthorPosts
-
October 5, 2009 at 11:20 am #1299
relationshipa1
KeymasterSo exactly one week ago today, my boyfriend and I were at a staff event and we each brought seperate date (for a friend) well the night went well we all enjoyed one too many drinks. On the bus ride home the date that I had brought for a friend and I ended up making out 😳 , but when I began to realize what was happening I stopped the little affair. Needless to say I felt absolutely horrible about what I had done, and during the car ride home fessed up everything to my man. Obviously not impressed with what had happened that night things were shaky to say the least. We talked about it the next evening, things still shaky but still in a relationship. The following night we were texting and I could sense he was still pretty broken up about the situation, and he decided to tell me that the best thing was for us to be apart right now. He told me that he doesnt’ know if he will ever trust me again and has insisted that he is done for real this time. He has since given me most of my belongings back but is still holding on to a few items that I know he is seeing daily throughout his home…why would he hold onto some of my things?I am a mess, I miss him like crazy and don’t know why I did what I did to him and I wish there was something I could do. Having such a hard time giving him his space, not sure if its the right thing to do. I am so scared that there won’t be any recovering…I know its only been a week but how much space does he need?
October 6, 2009 at 11:50 am #9904April Masini
KeymasterSometimes people think that by being honest about an indiscretion and fessing up, they’re off the hook. Wrong. 😕 Being honest is part of a person’s character. It’s good to practice honesty the same way you would eating well, getting enough sleep and being kind to people. But it doesn’t allow you a get out of jail free card from bad behavior. Sorry!Being honest brought light to your relationship, but it didn’t make it bulletproof. You made out with a guy who wasn’t your boyfriend, and understandably, your boyfriend doesn’t trust you any more, and has broken up with you. Imagine if the tables were turned. Surely, you’d understand his behavior a little more if it were you who was cheated on.
Your honesty helped both of you not waste time because you allowed your boyfriend to see who you really were. And frankly, this problem was going to arise at some point in the relationship, so better now than later, as hard as this all is for both of you.
🙁 The reality is that you got drunk and cheated on him. (Yes, making out with someone else is cheating.) Parties with alcohol are rampant, and if you’re not able to stay loyal to him just because there were cocktails, beer and wine served at the party, your boyfriend is right to think this might happen again.I think you’ve blown this one beyond repair. Your boyfriend is holding on to a few of your things because he’s hurt and his feelings are complicated because ostensibly, things were fine, except for this one indiscretion that was a deal breaker. Don’t impute feelings of his getting back together with you over his holding on to these few things. The truth is he gave back most of your stuff. He’s done. That he’s asking for space is just his way of figuring out that he wants to break up with you — it’s hard for him, too, to do this suddenly. He wasn’t planning on hearing this news or breaking up with you. You, at least, had some time to figure out that you were going to come clean with him about what happened. He weathered an emotional storm.
What’s more important is for you to figure out why you cheated on your boyfriend. If deep down you wanted out, and this indiscretion was a way for you to act out your innermost feelings, then you should be honest with yourself. If you have a problem with alcohol and can’t hold your liquor, then you should address that. Or if you’re just weak when it comes to handsome men, then you need to address that!
You have work to do on yourself for future — regardless of who you’re with. So, stop thinking about your now ex-boyfriend, and start thinking about yourself. Roll up your sleeves, and do your personal work. The fact that you are capable of such honesty is going to help you in the long run, so don’t lose that. Your honesty is an important tool for you, as well as for any relationship you’re in, now or ever.
🙂 -
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.