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April Masini.
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October 7, 2009 at 11:05 am #1302
relationshipa1
KeymasterMy boyfriend and i have been together for over two years(we’re both 25). It has been a rocky relationship. he has done some really hurtful things but because i love him i never wanted to not be with him. There have been times where he would say he is on his way over to mine..but he would never show up and his phone would be off. I would be sitting waiting all night. At one point a girl on his facebook told me he had slept with her friend..i had all the evidence yet he just denied it and got angry if i brought it up. The whole thing made me insecure and as i wanted closure i kept asking questions about it. I hated doing that all the time but the way i saw it was that if he told me the truth then maybe we could have worked through it. He still denies it. Over the past year he has finished with me dozens of times because i ask questions. He says i am annoying and he couldnt cope with it….but weeks later he would want me back, saying that he didnt want me with anyone else and that he realised that he had been uncool.
At one point i was planning something for his birthday and he knew about it..two days before his birthday he starts acting angry with me then tells me that he is going to go out with his friends on his birthday and i would have to wait. I got upset and he just said ‘i dont want to see you for a month’…’if you want to be with me you’ll have to wait a month’.
That hurt loads and he just hung up the phone. he went out on his bday and two weeks later he is on my doorstep telling me how much he misses me..same old stuff..then he says ‘you didnt even text me happy birthday’ Was i right not to?
I’ve kinda gone off on one here but there is no denying that i love him but i have also been hurt by him. I still ask questions sometimes and he gets angry and i feel that i cant express my feelings to him. He just wants me to forget the things he has done and often blames me as a reason for him doing these things in the first place.
I feel really stuck..he is in the other room sleeping. I do everything for him.. i rarely see my friends or family as i want to see him so much.
I realise that all this sounds so pathetic. I just need some wise words. I’ve kinda got a little bit lost. Part of me stays because it makes me feel sick when i think of him with someone else.
Im sending this again as last week we had planned to go and see a film tonight. His brothers family are visiting his place(his dads place) tonight and he phones me and just tells me that this is now the plan. I got upset as been looking forward to seeing film with him. he just shouts at me saying that i’m being selfish and that its a stupid film. I’m upset because we were gonna do something together and he just dropped our plans like that. Was i wrong to get upset? His family only live in the next town.
Thank you
He just kept yelling at me on the phone saying that i was selfish and that he had had enough of me and didnt want to see me again. Now he’s sorted things with his brother and he says ‘fine we’ll go see that film’ but saying it to make me feel guilty. Part of me doesnt want to go now as he said all those things.
17 minutes agoOctober 8, 2009 at 12:33 pm #9845April Masini
KeymasterYour boyfriend is emotionally abusive and controlling, and worse, you are responsible for making yourself a victim. The only way out of this pattern is for you to break it. But before I tell you how to break the pattern, you have to understand that victims of abuse — and I mean hard core abuse, like domestic violence, sexual abuse and other situations similar — very, very, very often and in most cases, continue to return to their abusers because they don’t have the tools to get out of the relationship themselves. Children who are abused continue to love and cling to their parents who have ruined their lives. You see, people who stay in abusive relationships have just as big a problem, as the guy (or gal) who’s doing the abusing. So don’t blame him — [b]take responsibility for you[/b] .First, you don’t know what love looks like. Someone who loves you doesn’t stand you up for a date. Someone who loves you doesn’t call your questions annoying — he cares enough about you to answer them. Someone who loves you doesn’t thwart your plans. These are all actions taken by an abusive person — not a lover or a friend.
Second, you have to figure out what you would lose if you broke up with this guy and never saw him again? You say you love him, but what is it about him that you love? He doesn’t love you. If he did, he wouldn’t just be nice to you when it suited him. He doesn’t put you on a pedestal; he doesn’t put you first; he doesn’t even put you second!
😕 So why are you staying? Really??Third, and most importantly,
[b]YOU ARE NOT TRAPPED.[/b] You have the power to end this relationship today, and to not pick up the phone. You have the power to block his e-mails and texts and calls. You have the power to decide that you are too important to be treated worse than a dog. People don’t yell at their dogs when their dogs want something. They discipline their dogs to teach them the rules of the house, but that’s it. Your boyfriend isn’t even giving you Fido respect.So, lose him. Today.
Get my book, Think & Date Like A Man at this link
[url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html [/url] Mr. Right is out there for you. But first, you have to get rid of this bad boyfriend of 2 years, and not waste another second thinking about who he might be with (poor woman!) and put the spotlight on yourself! You deserve true love, and it’s out there for you. Go get it.
[b]You’re NOT trapped.[/b] 😀 -
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