Dont know what I should do. PLEASE HELP!!!

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  • #1329
    IllyI82
    Participant

    I am in a pickle and need another perspective on what I should do. I am currently living in Florida and my ex is living in Maryland which I was with for the last 3 years. But the long distance has really started to get to me. I am 28 and she is 31 with two children (which do not bother me). Since I broke up w/her in January we have cont to talk on the phone and say things to each other like we are still bf and gf. Ok, in August I moved to another city in Florida to finish school. In that time I linked back up w/and old friend that I have known about 4 1/2 years which i would see every once in a while living here. Well now that I moved she is only and hour away from me and thing started happening if you know what i mean. It got to the point where she couldn’t take it anymore b/c she wanted to be in a relationship w/me, and me being stubborn didnt want to b/c i still love my ex that lives in Maryland. But now it has gotten to the point where the other girl has completely stopped talking to me b/c we have gone bakc and forth about us for over 4 1/2 years, and she just got tired of it. Now w/my ex she is wants to be w/me and i do too, however the distance is really getting to me and I cant take it anymore. The question that i need help answering is that do i try to make amends and get back w/my ex who i love alot and just have to deal w/the distance. Or do I try to get back w/the other girl that is only an hour away i can grow to love, and def love being w/and makes me happy as well? PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!

    #10747
    kittykat
    Participant

    I’m in the same situation.
    It seems unfair to the new person if our heart is still with the old, but if the old is not a guaranteed relationship then maybe it’s time to try it with the new and move on. The never answered question… do you follow your heart or your head?
    I feel so lost and anxious.

    #10697
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    If your heart is in 2 places, you’d be making a mistake to give a commitment to either woman. Both of them want 100% of you, and you’re not able to give 100% of yourself to either one of them, so my advice to you is to continue to be honest — and not give either one of them the 100% commitment that in your heart, you don’t want to give.

    I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear, but the reality is that the distance between your ex-girlfriend and yourself doesn’t work. That’s how you hooked up with your current girlfriend! You weren’t interested in weathering the distance or the infrequency of seeing one another with your ex-girlfriend, so don’t give a commitment to her, because you’re not going to be able to honor it. And if you commit to her, you’re committing to being not just her husband, but a stepdad to her children — and if your heart isn’t at least 100% in it, you’re going to cause drama to yourself, her, and her children. Big mistake with a lot of pain. 🙁

    Your current girlfriend is not someone you’re interested in giving a full commitment to because if you wanted to, it would be easy to do so! She’s right here. So accept that you like her, but you’re just not that into her. And if she can’t accept that, it’s her problem. She’s free to stay or go.

    It’s clear that you’re getting pressured by these 2 women, but it’s important you stand your ground. If you don’t, this drama is going to get exponentially worse.

    See if you can focus on making a life in Florida where you live and work, with someone fabulous there. Compatibility is key to relationships and you don’t have that with your ex-girlfriend, and you don’t have the interest in your current one. Keep dating!

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