Your boyfriend is probably really happy to have you in his life, after his marriage failed, but his happiness may not be shared by his soon to be ex-wife, and you’re probably more empathetic to her feelings that he is because you’re a woman and you can picture yourself in her place. That’s probably why you’re so uncomfortable.
I think you’ll feel more comfortable once his divorce is final because right now the divorce is in play, and frankly, it’s not prudent of him to introduce you to her, and essentially rub in her face that he’s moved on and is in love, when she may not have moved on and may even be feeling rejected, depressed and angry — especially before the divorce has even been ordered by the court yet! This can definitely complicate divorce proceedings if his wife gets upset enough that he’s dating you and is happy. She may take retribution through the divorce settlement. She can hold it up. She can demand things she didn’t want before. She can basically try to punish him for being happy with you through the divorce settlement. So my advice, for now, is for you to stay out of sight so that the divorce can proceed and complete.
Once it is completed, then, the rules to live by when meeting his ex-wife are courtesy and good manners. You don’t have to love her. You don’t have to like her. You don’t have to be warm to her. And you don’t have to be nervous around her. You just have to be polite. Just as you would meeting anyone else who is a relative — or ex-relative of his.
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