Confused over this new guy

Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #2121
    IndigoLove
    Participant

    Hi April,
    I want to thank you for your advice on my last post “Friends with benefits come to an end” I took your advice and cut off ties with my old friend. He now emails me and calls claiming he wants things to go back to the way they were but I’m not interested in going back. I also purchased your book “Think and Date like a man” it was great and I’ve been telling all my friends about it.
    I need your help again. I recently reconnected with a guy from High School that I had a major crush on, but back then I was too shy to even make eye contact. From first glance he has all the qualities I am looking for in a mate. He is establishing a promising career, wants a family, and wants to be married in the near future (he volunteered all this information, I didn’t ask for any of it). He just came back home from living overseas and is now working on all of this. In one of our first conversations he asked me why I was single and I simply said that I’m waiting for my King to find me. Since then whenever we talk he makes reference to being my King and I his Queen which I think is cute. Did I mention that everytime we talk we talk for hours. Our first date was great, we went out for dinner and talked the entire time and reminisced about High School. He even shared information about his past relationship. He also shared his goals which I found fascinating and talked about his daughter and said he wanted me to meet her. He talked about traveling and how he would love if I accompanied him. I believe I was giving off all the right signs during our date and when he had a little food on his face and could get it, I gently got it for him which made him blush. I thought it was so cute. I shared my goals and hobbies with him told him a little about what I do for a living. He was equally intrigued and couldn’t understand how I was still single (his exact words).
    We didn’t kiss, we just hugged and went our separate ways, and we live about an hour away from each other. He called me that night to make sure I made it home safely and then he called me the next morning to tell me how much he enjoyed our date and I did as well. Since our first date he calls me every day and sends me email messages throughout the day as well. I left him a couple cute notes as well. Everything seem to be going well but we only been out on one date. In one of our conversations last week he asked to take me out on last Sunday, I told that would be great but it will have to be after church. He then asked if he could join me for church and then spend the day with me, I was so excited. Then I got a call from him Saturday evening telling me that he was about to go out of town til Monday with family/buddies to the casinos. He came off like he wanted me to join him asking if I could take off work on Monday and it would be great if I could come. I called his bluff and said I could actually be off Monday and then he started making excuses to why it wouldn’t work and how its short notice. I didn’t make fuss I just told him to have fun and I hope he wins. He didn’t stay till Monday and came the next day and called me to tell me he won and he had fun. He then asked to drive up to job and meet me at work to take me to dinner on Thursday or Friday and I agreed. The problem is that was Sunday, it’s now Wednesday and he hasn’t called to firm up our plans or to even talk to me which he has been doing on a daily basis in the past. I haven’t received any notes like I did for the last few weeks when he was calling and sending me notes every day. I haven’t called him b/c your book says not to call and I only have his home number.
    I know it’s only been a few days but should I move on? What do you think I should do? Do you think this man is really into me or just playing the field? Should I call him? Should I accept another date if he cancels? Im so confused

    #11741
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    I’m so glad you liked Think & Date Like A Man! Thank you for buying it. 😀 And thank you for telling all your friends about it. 😀 😀

    Since he said he wanted to take you out Thursday or Friday, and today is Wednesday, I would cut him [i]a little[/i] slack as long as you don’t have other invitations outstanding. If you do have other invitations for Thursday or Friday, then absolutely take them over his, and when he calls tell him how disappointed you are, but that when you didn’t hear from him as to specific plans, you accepted another invitation. This is a way to train him by letting him know you’re not sitting around waiting for him. You have a life, and you’re not the booby prize. He’s going to have to work a little harder to get you.

    That said….it’s time for a reality check as well. You had one date with him, and it went really well. But it was just one. All the phone calls and texts and e-mails don’t mean a thing if there’s no second, third and fourth date. So keep your head above the emotional storm you seem to be cultivating. One date doesn’t necessarily make a relationship — and that’s all you’ve had is one date.

    You’re getting to know him, and what you’re seeing isn’t all so great. He sounds like a bit of a player, frankly. I know you think you know him because you went to high school with him many moons ago, but adult behavior is different than high school behavior and how he was in high school is not as important as how he is now. And he’s being a flake. Backing out of a casino invitation is lame. Not giving you the courtesy of clarifying a Thursday or Friday date this week is also lame.

    Make yourself less available to his calls and texts. If what you want is to be his girlfriend and not his buddy with benefits, then you have to set your own boundaries and that means that if he’s not taking you out, he doesn’t get to have your attention on texts and phone calls.

    And be prepared to admit to yourself that although you had a great first date he may not be Mr. Right. Date smart and keep yourself open to other men as well as him until he wins you over. Remember — from the book — you are the prize, so act like it! 🙂

Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Comments are closed.