April Masini Relationship Advice Forum Relationship Advice Forum Should I break up with my boyfriend?

Should I break up with my boyfriend?

April Masini Relationship Advice Forum Relationship Advice Forum Should I break up with my boyfriend?

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  • #8028
    mmath123
    Participant

    I suffer from depression, anxiety & paranoia. Me & my boyfriend started off as friends, I met him when I was pregnant but unfortunately the father of the baby left. He was there for me throughout. Eventually we admitted that we liked each other, but wanted to take things slow. Now we’ve gotten to the stage where I would class us as “in a relationship”. I am still wary because my baby comes before anything & I would never want her to get hurt. He’s a sweet & gentle person (except for when he’s angry of course), it’s like he’s a completely different person. Over the past few weeks things have seemed different, he’s had family issues & has been very distant, but he won’t tell me whats wrong. My paranoia kicked in when I saw a girl commenting on his Instagram photos with love heart faces. I questioned him on it & he said that he’s known her for years, & he doesn’t see her like that. I’m not sure if I believe him. Sometimes when I call him late at night it comes up as “call waiting” on my phone, I assumed that he was on the phone to someone. But again when I questioned him he just said he was asleep.
    This is just a couple of things making me paranoid, as I want to keep this as short as I can. My paranoia drives me insane, & I don’t want to hurt him by accusing him of things that he’s not doing. Also I don’t want to make myself more ill with all this anxiety, etc. Apart of me thinks is it best to let go, he’s said in the past that he doesn’t want to lose me, but I just can’t get these thoughts out of my head.

    #35214
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    It sounds like he’s distracted with family issues. If he won’t talk to you about them, then you should understand that he doesn’t feel close enough to you to divulge them. This could be temporary because he doesn’t feel the two of you are close enough to do that yet — or it could be permanent and this is just who he is when it comes to family. Or, he may not be as into you as you imagined and this is the way you’re figuring that out.

    Usually when a couple is moving towards something serious they talk about their families because they want to share and they want you to be part of their family and understand the dynamics. Since you’ve been dating for a year now, and this has come up, it’s a great opportunity for you to consider if this is someone you want to continue dating or not. You don’t have to feel trapped because you’re not married, you’re just dating. But you should see this crossroads as an opportunity to ask, learn and reconsider.

    As for your questions about this other woman, you’ve asked him about her and he’s answered you. I think you’re right that it’s important not to pick at him or your relationship with him because you don’t completely believe him — because he’s given you his answer. For now, you have some observing and considering to do! Hang back, ask and listen, and stay open to all possibilities. I hope that helps.

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