[Ask April Masini]

Yes, yes, yes — you will fall in love again. I promise! 😀

Saintsaxy gave you great advice about your situation — and I agree with it.

[Andrianna]

Well, thank you both girls!!! I quess that if you are in the middle of something you don’t see things with open eyes 😉 Yet, I’ll follow your advice!!! God bless you both 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

It [b]IS[/b] hard to see things when you’re in the middle of them. It’s really difficult to have perspective on your own life sometimes, and I’m so happy I was able to help give you some. 🙂

[Andrianna]

Thank you! Maybe you can be my own mentor and inspire me 🙂 I’ll write from time to time my news so we can comment on that in the future! Kisses for now 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

Thanks for your kind words.

Good luck! 😀

[ilovemakeup83]

complicated relationship
Sent at: Tue Jun 15, 2010 10:50 am

dear april,
hi i have this boyfriend and we have been together for almost 8 years now. in 2008 i met this guy on the bus and i hit him i wanted to know if i was still able to get a guys number. so he gave me his number i called him and a few days later we hooked-up. a big mistake i will never forgive myself for now my boyfriend found out about it and not that this guy has become infatuated with me and is acting like a crazy stalker. when i’m not at my parents he’ll go there uninvited. i told him i didn’t want him coming by but he didn’t listen. so finally i had to yell at him in front of my parents house and call the cops on him for harassing me. my boyfriend knows about the whole situation and is so hurt by it that he has started going onto craigslist and going on to my redbook.com also going to porn websites…. he’s even gone as far as too call these girls to hook-up with them. he says he loves but i don’t know if he even cares for me or wants a future with me. i still care so very much for him but he still won’t forgive me i understand he hurt by what i have done. but also now i am hurting by what he is doing to our relationship i wish it could be like it was when i first met him uncomplicated with us not hurting each other. how can i make things right between us. he says he wants me to be honest with him and faithful to him. i haven’t hooked-up with that guy or any guy this year or the year before. our relationship is hard because i live with my parents and he lives with his niece her boyfriend and their friend. not only that i live in different city from him. please give me advice for not just me but for both of us.

thanks,
melanie
ilovemakeup83

Joined: Tue Jun 15, 2010 9:25 am

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, please post any new question in a new chain of posts, not attached to someone else’s posts — for future! 🙂 It makes it a lot easier for readers to follow and help with your problem.

As for what you’ve written, while you didn’t tell me your age or your boyfriend’s age, I don’t understand how you can date someone for 8 years without getting married or living together! 😕

I also don’t understand how a guy you hit on and hooked up with two years ago has been stalking you all this time without any resolution to the stalking.

Maybe you can explain the circumstances a little better.

Your boyfriend’s reaction to your cheating on him is pretty immature, and I’m sorry your feelings are hurt, but it seems that there is something fundamentally wrong with your relationship if after 8 years not only hasn’t he proposed marriage, but you felt the need to sleep with someone else to see what it was like, and then he’s started trolling websites looking for other women in retaliation.

This doesn’t sound like a good relationship for you, and I know you want things to be the way they once were, but that’s impossible. It would be better for you to start out fresh and take what you’ve learned from this relationship and see if you can’t meet a man who is truly Mr. Right.

Read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that you can download at this link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], in order to figure out what kind of men really ARE potential Mr. Rights. You’ll do much better with a man who’s not living with so many other people and who is ready to be in a long term committed relationship with you, rather than date you for eight years without a commitment.

[ilovemakeup83]

Dear April,
I am 27 years old and my boyfriend is 32 years old. The guy that has been stalking me at my house I have talked to my parents about it and told them tell me and to also tell him to go away not to come back. I do want a commitment from my relationship with my boyfriend but right now he is not the position to purpose to me not financially anyways he doesn’t work because he got laid off last year. He also told me he is waiting to get a job first and get his pharmacy technician license. I know he is not normally that kind of person to resort to cheating he is usually very loving and caring I just think he is hurt. I actually can’t blame him for being hurt I do take full responsibility for cheating on and I want him to understand that. Also I have asked him if I can move with him and he said I can move in with him anytime I want to. To be honest with you I would like to move in him if he had his own house or his own apartment. But that fact that he lives with disrespectful roommates in his house that are also rude. They are my age but the difference is that they like to drink and get drunk and play very loud music we are not really used to that. especially since the fact that they used to help clean house but then all of a sudden stopped because my boyfriend got into a fight with his niece about how I was staying there too much. I really don’t know what her problem was cause I always help clean the kitchen and living room even though didn’t really live there. I didn’t really do it for them I did it cause I’m type of person who loves to help her loved ones like my boyfriend. So his niece suggested that if I was going to stay there like 5 day out of the week I would have to pay rent and utilities even if I didn’t live there. I got was shocked to hear this but I was like love spending with my boyfriend so I guess I could pay rent. The thing I don’t really like is that even though I stayed there I felt that my boyfriend should said some say in my paying rent. Like the fact that the house is not only half her house but his also but she didn’t take that into consideration she never does she treats us if were tenants. When the fact of the matter is my boyfriend actually has the his name in the house too. I have also been staying with him every weekend and go home on 3 days later this situation is alright for now. Because I have a doctor at my mental health hospital who I usually see for medication. I have bipolar disorder and am currently being treated for depression so I have to stay in the city I live in until I can make the decision to move out of my parents house. Not only that I have lot of nieces and nephews I spend time with and I don’t have a car so they usually visit me and since I am not taking any classes and looking into going back to school I sometimes take care of my nephews and nieces. Right now would be a good time to move out anyways my sister and her kids are moving to another city down south so I want to spend as much time with them as possible. Also he says he will stop doing what he is done like going on the internet and looking for trashy girls. As long as I can prove to him I actually care about him and be faithful and honest with him. He says he wants to see with his own eyes I haven’t cheat on him since then and being focusing on being a better girlfriend and knowing that if I want things to change I have to change first. It’s like he’s punishing me for cheating only one time. But the fact of the matter is I am truly sorry about it and am showing remorse over what I’ve done. But with him forgiveness doesn’t come easy so I guess I have to earn his trust back. I told him that even though he’s doing what he is doing I forgive him. It’s just because I am a very religious and he is not really. But he tell me if everything works outs we will be able to get married and have kids. I hope so but if I do find out he’s bringing girls over too his house or accidently gives me a STD then that’s it. It will be over. Because I have done what asked me too do stay on my birth control pills so right now I am watching him very carefully when I stay at his house so far things have been good between us we don’t fight as much as we used to and I told him we need to make comprises in our relationship make it give and take. Because if I am going to give 100% he has to do they same for me. I see where this relationship goes for right now just not ready to give up on it. When we both still love each other very much and want a future with each other I hope you don’t think that is wrong. It’s just that after 8 years of dedicating myself to this relationship I can’t give up. It may sound like young love but I know what we have is much stronger than that he has done things for me no man has ever done which make me love so much more I just have to be positive and have faith in our love. I just also wanted to add that I think want your doing is a wonderful thing helping all these people with advice I really would like to thank you for taking the time and effort into looking at and reading my post. I have search for people like you that give advice online but sometimes they don’t reply. But I think you just care about people and love helping them and I think that is great. 😀 well thanks again april

sincerely,
melanie

[Ask April Masini]

Well, it sounds like although [i]I[/i] think 8 years with a guy who isn’t in a position to marry you is a bad deal, [i]you[/i] don’t. 😕 I wouldn’t call this young love since you’re 27 and he’s 32 — in fact, I’d definitely call you adults and this an adult relationship. The problem is that he’s living like a teenager with all those roommates. He’s not in a position to ask you to move in with him or marry him — and you shouldn’t be asking him if you can move in with him. He’s not ready for this. If he was, he’d ask you himself.

It’s also his prerogative if he wants to forgive you for cheating on him or not, and if so, when. You shouldn’t push him to “get over it” already. He may never get over it. Or if he does, it will take the amount of time it does.

For now, I think you should cool it with him. Let him have the space he needs to figure out if he wants you or not and if he does, what he’s willing to do about it. If you keep throwing yourself at him by asking him if you can move in with him, you’ll take away his opportunity to decide if he wants you and if so, how much and what he’s willing to do about it.

I hope that helps.

Check out my AskApril.com Facebook page for more of me and my readers there. You can become a free member at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s my take: April’s advice is solid, and I agree with the reasoning behind it. You’re 26, at a point where your education and career are critical for your future, and this is a rare, concrete opportunity that won’t wait. Your boyfriend’s financial situation and current career stage are his own challenges they are not your responsibility to fix or accommodate.

Loving someone deeply doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold. Long-distance relationships can work, but they’re extremely demanding, and he’s already signaling that he struggles with that kind of commitment. If you stay in Greece primarily for him, you may sacrifice personal growth and experiences that are essential at this stage in your life.

Your feelings for him are real, and it’s painful to consider separation, but the bigger picture is your life trajectory. Go to England, pursue your master’s, focus on your growth if your relationship is strong, it can adapt; if not, you won’t be held back by regret. prioritize your future now, while keeping your heart open. Real love should support growth, not limit it.

[Author]

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