[Anonymous]

I have been married 20 years to a wonderful man, recently the woman he was dating before we married came to town and he went to see her. He spent 5 evenings with her a few until wee hours of the morning. Now he continues to talk and text her on the phone 3 times a day. There is a 3 hour time difference so it ends up that they are texting or talking when I would like to be in bed spending time with him. There is nothing going on sexually with them they are just talking. She is in a bad marriage and I tend to wonder if she is using him as a sounding board or a scape goat to feel better about herself. I like the woman she is a nice person, I just dont feel that my husband is the one that she should be spending her waking hours talking to. She starts texting him at 7am her time several times a day and then in the evenings they spend about an hour texting or talking on the phone. My husband feels I am being unreasonable that they should be able to talk when they want. For 2 weeks we didnt have sex because he would go to bed after talking to her and fall asleep, not even bothering to talk to me. Am I being petty by asking that he spend time with me? He is a different person almost giddy when he is talking to her, is it the male inteligence thinking he is getting away with something. For a while I didnt know that they were even talking, the way I found out was checking the phone records. He wasnt even going to tell me, he felt he didnt need to since all they were doing was talking. After we talked the other night when she texted he told her he couldnt text because I wanted to spend some time together. Not once the rest of the weekend did he here from her. I think its going to get worse not better. Should I let it go and they text all they want? I dont want her to think she can take his/my time. She also has stated that she has feelings for him from before, I told him that he needed to make it clear to her that feels were not recipricated. I think she is still fishing but he doesnt see it. What should I do? Let him have his secret/open relationship with her or stick to my guns and continue to ask him not to text her at night. I feel when it comes to her I come second.

[Ask April Masini]

Your husband is pretty much cheating on you with his high school girlfriend. And you’re right — it’s only going to get worse (for you). Putting your foot down isn’t going to work, so stop acting like his mother and telling him he’s been a bad boy. Trust me — he knows he is, and he doesn’t care.

The best bet is to show him how great you are and give him something to come home to that will take his mind off of this other woman. 😎

You can’t “let him” have this relationship — he’s taking it on his own. What you can do is try and win him back.

Let me know if that helps — I hope it does. And join me on Facebook — I’d love to see you there. Here’s the link to join: [url][/url]. 🙂

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