[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he wants a relationship, but he’s not necessarily interested in dating. My advice is that you start using boundaries. Don’t talk for hours — talk for minutes. 😉 And if he’s not asking you out on a date, there’s really no reason to talk every other day. I always advise that if you meet someone online and they don’t ask you for a date within three months of meeting, they’re not really that interested in dating — in spite of their feelings. Same goes here. Since he lives in another state, if he doesn’t ask you to go out on a date — or come visit your state to take you out — within three months, then I suggest you move on. He may be nice, but if he’s not interested in dating, you’re going to feel like you’re in a relationship and pass up real opportunities because of that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How long have you been together? Has he always gone out, overnight, with his friends? Or is this new behavior? How often does this happen?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he’s romantic — to a fault. He’s calling you his fiancee and his wife — when you’re neither of those things. I’m not sure how long he was married the first time, or why they broke up, but there’s a whole range of what’s normal for exes, and if the worst thing is that he’s got her photos in his phone in an album, maybe you should let it go. If he does marry you, you’re going to be a second wife. This isn’t the same as a first wife. He’s got a history, and you have to find a way to come to terms with it. If this is the worst thing he does, then maybe letting it go will make it less important to both of you. 😉

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If she thinks it’s “the best thing” that you broke up, you have to think long and hard about what she needs to see from you in order to get back together. If you really want her back, consider what led to the break up, and what led to her seeing the break up as a good thing. If you can be the boyfriend she wants, then you have a chance to make some changes in your life and prove yourself to her. But if you can’t be what she wants — because it’s not who you want to be, then maybe she’s right.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well, it’s a beautiful ring — and it sure looks like an engagement ring, but I understand your hesitation to accept such a gift after only three dates. My advice is to tell him that you’re flattered, but that you’d like him to hold on to it. He doesn’t have to return it, but he does have to “take custody of it” so that the two of you can get to know each other better and feel more certain that this is a good idea. If he’d given you a necklace or a pair of earrings after three dates, that would have been a lovely gift. But a ring carries marriage significance and it’s too soon to be considering marriage since it’s only 3 dates in. I hope that helps! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Instead of asking him out on a date, which is what I assume you mean by the first move, flirt with him. It sounds like the two of you are friendly. Now, turn it up a notch. Compliment him. Ask him questions about something — his food, his tee shirt, his work — get the conversation going…. so that he wants to ask you out. It’s always better to let the guy do the asking. Men love the chase, and when you ask him, first, you take that opportunity away from him. Also, you’ll be a lot clearer on how he feels about you if you let him do the asking. When a guy asks you out, he wants to date you. If he doesn’t, he’s not that interested. I know you’re excited about him, but see if you can focus on flirting and see what he does as a result. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you have a pretty good handle on it, now.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you for all the detail. Clearly, your concerns are valid. Take your time dating him and don’t rush into anything — whether it’s living together, pregnancy, marriage or even monogamy. Play the field and really get to know him. You’ll have a better hedge against risk that way. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There are no mixed signals here — you went on Tinder, a hook up site, and found a guy, met him for lunch and sex. And he’s not really interested in seeing you again — to the extent that he isn’t making a date with you. The fact that he’s being polite is confusing you — don’t be. This is exactly what Tinder is intended for. Fast hook ups.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If a guy doesn’t want to see you, don’t pick a fight with him — instead, entice him. And if you can’t entice him, find someone who does want to see you! 😉 It sounds like your low self esteem is coming from staying with men who aren’t interested in you — why not find one who is? 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your pregnancy is making this new part of his life as a father and co-parent more real — and less attractive. He doesn’t want this life for himself, and that’s why he’s telling you he won’t marry you and he’s acting out. He may say he loves you and tattoo your name on his arm, but that’s not the same thing as marrying you or buying you a crib. I know you want to cherry pick his behaviors and his words to make you feel better, but in the long run, it’s easier if you’re practical. I know this is disappointing, and I’m sorry about that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well…. he’s not interested in being with you any more. That’s the short answer. The longer answer is that he felt trapped and is lashing out and acting out to make sure you understand he’s not interested in a relationship with you. I’m sorry — this must be very disappointing. 😳

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not interested in a serious commitment. Grindr, as you acknowledge, isn’t where guys go to find women with whom to have serious relationships. It’s where they go for fun and sex. I think you’re trying to turn this guy who is acting as one would expect, into someone he isn’t. Why not look for a serious relationship in real life, or on a site where guys aren’t usually looking for something quick, fun and easy?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he may be bored in the relationship and is looking for more, which is why he’s going online to meet other women. My advice is check your relationship and figure out where there are holes in it that are making him want to feel better somewhere else. Men don’t stray because someone is hotter or prettier — they stray because they like the way they feel with another person. I hope that helps. 🙂

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