[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is a good question. You can love someone and be compatible, but there can be a deal breaker between the two of you. And you can hate the idea of breaking up with him — but you can also hate the idea of never having had kids when you want them, and the resentment you may feel towards him if he’s the reason you didn’t have them.

I think it’s time to have another heart to heart with him. You can make a decision after that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re right. He’s all over the map. But your problem is that you’re trying to count on him. Don’t. Make a plan for your life without him. He’ll always be the kid’s’ father and you can co-parent with an ex. But he’s not a great boyfriend, and you can do better. Get your own life in order. Set up a custody schedule so there’s some continuity for the kids and you. Get a child support amount agreed on. And move on with your own life without him. You deserve better and the kids deserve to see their mother taking care of herself. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sounds fun! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Basically, you have to create a balancing act of being there for her, not falling into the friend zone and letting her know you want her back. You also have to let her process in her own time which involves giving her space. What you shouldn’t do is criticize her or anyone she’s dating. And if you do start to date, don’t volunteer that information.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please repost this new post as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site here: . I’m happy to answer your questions when they’re all in one place so I can see your whole history together. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Please repost this new post as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site here: . I’m happy to answer your questions when they’re all in one place so I can see your whole history together. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’ve been dating for seven months, and she’s broken up with you seven times, each time on the last week of each month, there’s something wrong. Why does she get back together with you after each break up? And is this break up different than the others? Or are you writing to me now because you’re just getting fed up?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m very sorry for your pain. I know that you feel it was one night’s mistake versus six years of a strong relationship, and therefore, the math should hold up… but you’re dealing with feelings and the six years minus one mistake doesn’t always equal forgiveness. She’s got to process what happened, decide how to proceed, and that’s what’s she’s doing. She hasn’t closed the door to you, but she’s trying to hurt you back by telling you about the guys she’s now dating and how motivated they are (meaning you aren’t). She’s not ready to move towards you or to forgive just yet. She may not ever be. Or….. she may. The problem is she’s not on your timeline. She’s on hers. Your job is to stay strong and be healthy. Reach out to her as you have been, and balance that with making a life for yourself. Try to stay positive and empathetic when you interact with her. You may feel that what you did was nothing, but try and see it from her point of view and get into her head — so you can make the apology process more meaningful and not just boiler plate apologies. 😉

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m happy to answer this — but please repost it as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site, here: . It’s much easier to see all your posts in one place. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can’t really comment on the excerpt from the text — it could be flirty, or it could be just friendly. What’s more important is that you’re looking for shreds of clues that there’s still an “in”. Fill me in a little more on the relationship. How old are you both? How long have you dated? When did you get engaged? Is there a wedding date? You mention children — how old and how many?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since it’s only been a month, and he seems to be interested in continuing to see you, I think you should try to chill and let things play out so you can get to know him and he can get to know you. He definitely likes you, but because of the hook up nature of the start of the relationship, you’re confused. My advice is to try and start acting less like a hook up and more like a girlfriend. Don’t be so available and give him something to chase after so he has to pursue you — and not the other way around. 😉 If you can do that, then the character of the relationship will change and you’ll feel more like a girlfriend who’s liked and less like a hook up who’s liked when there’s sex.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay — if what you’re saying is true…. then you’re dealing with someone who won’t meet you. After 11 months. 😕 I just don’t know how you can possibly have a relationship with someone like that. 😳 That she’s mad because you have two jobs — when she won’t see you — doesn’t seem very fair or rational. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay, here’s the deal. Your friendship is already not a friendship — it’s something else. When romance and sexual feelings come into play, you’re beyond friendship. So, you’re trying to save a friendship that no longer exists. You’re not friends any more. You’re romantically inclined. It’s different. And because you’re romantically inclined, you’re now facing the possibility of rejection! Friendship doesn’t really have rejection the way romance does. Whenever you ask someone out on a date, make a move to kiss them — or more — you face possible rejection, and that’s scary because it means possibly being shut out. You’re trying to avoid the discomfort of possible rejection — and at the same time, to forge a romance. It doesn’t work that way! Rejection is always a possibility and it’s part of life. Nobody every died from rejection, but it doesn’t feel good when it happens. That said, rejection is a whole lot better than lost opportunities that you never take because you let your fears win out.

Hopefully, that will explain some of what you’re feeling.

As for what to do next, I think you should invite her out on a date. Ask her to get coffee with you one evening and talk to her and get to know her. Draw her out on the topic of her sexual preferences and talk to her about yours. This will give you a better idea of where she’s coming from and what you should and shouldn’t do next. It’s a lot easier to make a move on someone you know may be receptive, than it is on someone who isn’t really into your gender. 😉

And if rejection comes, don’t worry — you learned something. And you can stop wasting time on someone who’s not into you. Of course if you aren’t rejected and she likes you, then it was all worth it! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re 17 and you’re in love — with someone you’ve never met because she refuses to meet you even though you’ve driven to her house and left her presents there. This has been going on for 11 months now….. let me set you straight: She is not who she says she is. She’s either not her age, she’s probably not the body type or physical type she’s told you she is, and she may not even be a woman. You’re being catfished. This is a term where people who meet online don’t realize that the other person is not who they say they are — and they maintain the relationship by not meeting so the truth never comes out.

I understand that you lied to your friends about the relationship because you were embarrassed that the two of you have not met in person — but you lied because you know what normal is. You know that in a normal relationship, people meet and they date and they spend time together in real life. You know your relationship is not normal — and that’s a good sign of health for you! But you have to stop lying. That’s just going to get you into trouble with the healthy friendships you do have.

Here’s my advice: Understand that you’re in love with someone who isn’t honest, real or interested in you beyond your keeping her from being lonely. She’s conducting the same relationship she has with you, with other people at the same time. That’s what these folks do. I know this is hurtful and disappointing, but it’s the truth. You need to move on. Stay off the internet for dates. Instead, focus on meeting women to date in your real life. You’ll be a lot happier — and healthier.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No.

Ideally, you would have said, “Great. Let’s make it Saturday night. 8:00. I’ll pick you up.” By telling her to give you a call, you made it look like you’re not that interested. 😕 If you want to date her, you have to act like you want to date her. 😉

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