[Anonymous]

Thanks April! I will definately keep following you.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your help.

Trust me, I have learned to value myself and confidence isn’t an issue. She is definitely into me, thats not the case. The reason I seem like the “nice guy” in this scenario is because I understand how hard it is to completely let go. But I can tell she wants to. I’ve played it cool thus far but thats becoming more difficult.

How do I get her to make a decision without pushing her away from me or towards him?

[Anonymous]

thank you so much! XXXXX

[Anonymous]

ok, thank you April. that is basically what I’ve been doing now. the thing is that i she is the one that said it was wrong when it happened.

also the thing is that we sometimes joke about it as if its something ordinary that happened.

well tomorrow is her birthday party, so I will see what i can do

thank you,
Steven

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I did read part of your book (didn’t finish it yet), but a lot has happened since I sent you a message last. My friend and I have started getting closer quite quickly. Our relationship has become very intimate (although online) and we were at a point where we were talking online everyday. I told him I was falling for him and he told me a couple weeks ago that he loved me too. The problem is that he has decided to break off our relationship (last week), saying that it’s too much. He says he broke up with his girlfriend but that he doesn’t think she knows about it yet, as they hadn’t spoke. I don’t know what he’s waiting for. When I spoke to him last, I basically told him I was going to come visit him but he said not too because it was a bad idea (saying that he didn’t trust himself with me, cause I turn him on so much). However, he said he still wants to be friends. The next day after my last talk with him, he deactivated his facebook account and I never heard back from him since. I have called him last weekend and he never called me back. And now, I’m so upset about his behaviour that I sent him an email saying that he broke my trust in him as I thought he was a true friend. I still haven’t heard back from him after this email. I don’t know what to think. Did he mean it when he said he loves me (he did tell me a few times he meant it)? I don’t know why he needs to avoid me like this… I’m starting to think he isn’t the person I thought he was and that he was playing me all this time. I heard from a friend that he is a sweet-talker, but I never thought he would do this to me. Is this possible? I know a relationship with this guy is not a good idea, but I don’t want our friendship to end because of us crossing the line… What should I do? How long should I wait before contacting him again?

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I did read part of your book (didn’t finish it yet), but a lot has happened since I sent you a message last. My friend and I have started getting closer quite quickly. Our relationship has become very intimate (although online) and we were at a point where we were talking online everyday. I told him I was falling for him and he told me a couple weeks ago that he loved me too. The problem is that he has decided to break off our relationship (last week), saying that it’s too much. He says he broke up with his girlfriend but that he doesn’t think she knows about it yet, as they hadn’t spoke. I don’t know what he’s waiting for. When I spoke to him last, I basically told him I was going to come visit him but he said not too because it was a bad idea (saying that he didn’t trust himself with me, cause I turn him on so much). However, he said he still wants to be friends. The next day after my last talk with him, he deactivated his facebook account and I never heard back from him since. I have called him last weekend and he never called me back. And now, I’m so upset about his behaviour that I sent him an email saying that he broke my trust in him as I thought he was a true friend. I still haven’t heard back from him after this email. I don’t know what to think. Did he mean it when he said he loves me (he did tell me a few times he meant it)? I don’t know why he needs to avoid me like this… I’m starting to think he isn’t the person I thought he was and that he was playing me all this time. I heard from a friend that he is a sweet-talker, but I never thought he would do this to me. Is this possible? I know a relationship with this guy is not a good idea, but I don’t want our friendship to end because of us crossing the line… What should I do? How long should I wait before contacting him again?

[Anonymous]

Not gonna lie but in the beginning it was hard to talk to her. She too would text me and call me but when I would respond it would be a simple ‘oh’ or ‘ok’. After a while I started to talk to her again because I realized that she was going through a lot of personal stuff and it would deeply bother me if i didn’t atleast try to help her or be there to listen to her. In the end its not my job to past judgment or “punish” her for what she did because I believe in karma. Its easy for me to talk to her and not worry about wanting to date her again because I’m in a great relationship with someone else and would never do anything to jeopardize it, plus I don’t think that I could date someone that I truly don’t trust.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for both replies. April, thank you very much for your guidance. I am impressed enough to want to read more! I’ll check out your book.
Thanks again,
Charlie

[Anonymous]

I’ll give him some more time, but I’m starting to have my doubts about all of it. 😕 I just don’t know how to feel about this anymore. I’m just going to try and keep myself as busy as possible for awhile and try not to think about it so much. Just makes me sad…I really thought I had found a good one this time around…… Thanks for your help.

[Anonymous]

Not trying to hijack your thread but I was wondering how are you able to stay friends with your ex especially since she cheated on you. My ex and I were together for 3 years and recently broke up because she cheated on me too. She’ll call and text me all of the time but I can’t bring myself to answer cause I’m still really upset and I know that I still have feelings for her and could be tempted to get back with her even if its not what I truly want.

[Anonymous]

From your story I wish that other guys were like you, but like you said you need to back-off and let her focus on her own problems and focus on your own life. I was in a similar situation many years ago when I became a mom at 19. Most of my friends stopped talking to me and my only true friend was also a former boyfriend. Throughout the entire time he was always there for me and I truly appreciated it. Because he was always there he was my crutch and I always depended on him. After a while he backed-off and it made me learn to make my own decisions and deal with the consequences of my decisions. But remember that sometimes she may just need a friend to listen to her problems, you don’t have to jump up and try to protect her or help her out, just listen. In the end I’m sure things will work out. My former boyfriend that was there for me, the two of us ended up getting married and have been together for the past 17 years so who knows what will happen.

[Anonymous]

It definitely sounds like you did the right thing by breaking off contact. You obviously have strong feelings for her, but even you have realized that she’s using you. You’re human so yeah its gonna hurt but eventually it’ll get better.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your help April, she had her son in early October. Like I mentioned earlier she has basically cut the child’s father out of her and her son’s life and refuses to let him visit. During a conversation, she mentioned that she planned on dropping out or transferring to another college. By doing this, she would have to start over because a lot of her credits would not count. Hearing this, I offered to let her stay at my apartment that is adjacent to my house (separate entrance, kitchen, etc.) next Fall 2011 so that she could finish her degree (she lives about 90 min out of state from the university, while I’m 30 min away). I only offered this because I just graduated from the same school a few months ago, its a very respectable school especially with her major, and I felt it would be better for her and her son if she was able to graduate with her degree. Upon reading your response, I completely agree that I should take a step back and let her work out her own problems and focus on myself too. I was wondering what should I do about allowing her to stay at my place? Should I explain to her that maybe it was a mistake for me to offer, or just leave the subject alone and maybe re-evaluate the situation next Fall depending on her decision?

Thank You for all of your help

[Anonymous]

I have another question.

Obviously, we don’t live together right now, but we did for 4 years. We found that some issues that we had arose from living together and possibly moving in together too young (I wouldn’t take out the garbage because he never took out the garbage, but he never did because I didnt…. Stupid immaturity issues).

Would it be important for us to move back in together and work through all our issues this way, so that we can build and work on where we went wrong and what we need to fix or is it better to live apart and work on growing as ourselves and then move back in together??

I am scared of both… Im scared if we move back in together right away we will just fall back into the same routines. I am also scared because what if we are amazing for months in so many other ways and then decide its time to move back in together and then it falls apart then??

I also am unsure how to deal with the issues of trust i am having if we don’t live together…

[Anonymous]

Beyond the random book advertising, suggested reading material or attempts a “clever” tricks to coerce him into the position you want him in, not all men want to chase, they aren’t a mystical beast with accompanying all-encompassing text explaining their mysterious personalities.

I’ve a simple few comments as follows:

He has stated he isn’t interested in a relationship with you
Read: He is using you for what he wants; who wouldn’t take a younger partner with no strings attached?

He isn’t interested keeping contact with you
Read: He isn’t interested in keeping contact with you

You are unhappy with this situation
Read: You should be happy in any position you put yourself in, remove yourself from uncomfortable positions

Short periods of time together feel wonderful
Read: You want a relationship and ignoring the fact you are not in one when together allows you to feel happy; imagine how you would feel in a relationship with someone who bothered to contact you?

[quote]I am tired of this situation and want to go away from him, even if i love him. I feel I’m getting more hurt than happiness from this relationship.[/quote]

I don’t think you really need anyone elses advise, or to read any books or be preached to about what men want or how they are. Take yourself out of the situation, make yourself happy without a mans help, find the kind of man you want in your life and then bother to look for one.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Member]

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