[Anonymous]

If I was in that situation I would stay away from the entire thing. Yeah you’re trying to do something good for her, but if she’s struggling she should allow the child’s father into the child’s life. What she’s doing is very spiteful and I wouldn’t want to be associated with someone like that.

[Anonymous]

I hear were you are coming from, but I’m in that stage were if i don’t try to get her back i never will know if i could have. If i do try to reach out her to her and she rejects me at least I know i tried

[Anonymous]

Hello,
I am in a very similar situation to you, although I am younger and not thinking about marraige, me and my boyfriend have talked about having kids one day.
He hasn’t had a job (until a few weeks ago) for the last three years! He also smokes weed and wastes his money on doing up his cars.
Similar to you we have a firey relationship and when he gets angry he does exactly what you said so I understand how you feel embarrassed.
However with us he always comes back and apologises after, even if I know it was my fault for winding him up, and I have almost just accepted it as our routine when we argue, I don’t let it upset me anymore, because I know it will always get sorted out between us in a couple of hours after the fight, and because I feel our relationship is worth it.
What you need to ask yourself if whether you can accept this behaviour and be aware that it is hard to change a person, whether it is worth it?
When it comes to money and commitment, I am not sure if this is good advice but I would personally give him a scare, tell him exactly what you want, which is what you had planned together, and say that there is no sign of it being possible while he doesn’t look after his money, and say that if it doesn’t turn around you might have to leave.
This is just me but if it comes down to it I would even leave for a few weeks, and this will either shock him into realising he doesn’t want to lose you, or let you see him for what he really is, if he doesn’t appear to care that you’ve gone, the sad truth is he probably doesn’t care about you as much as you care about him.
A lot of this is up to you and your gut feeling, whether things can improve, and whether he is worth being patient and waiting for to get his act together. I would also say maybe your attitude to talking to him about your issues with the relationship should be a little less directly critical of him and more pro-active to improve things together. For example I was getting frustrated with my boyfriend for never working and so I talked to him about how work would improve his sleep patterns, his happiness, etc and I helped him look for work, and now he has found some himself because I threw some possibilites out there which he liked the sound of.
It is a tricky situation and I don’t know how in love you two are or whether it is worth the fight, that part is up to you to decide, noone else can tell you. But if you are unhappy, remember you don’t deserve to feel like that, and life is short, if it can’t be fixed, get out and find happiness elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

sorry, maybe i should have been more clear.
we dated for over 7 years. in these emails i found out that he started pursuing another person more than a month before we broke up, and has been seeing her since. then we broke up in june, and have been in constant contact since. in september, HE called ME to tell me he wants us to work on fixing our relationship, and that we weren’t going to see other people so of course i believed him.

obviously i felt like there was something up. like he would be unavailable for random amounts of time, or his phone was off. it just felt secretive.

i did something i never thought i would and checked his email, and found out that after he told me it was going to be us working on our relationship, he told the other girl he loved her, and even took her to thanksgiving with her family (were in canada).

i was destroyed, especially about the last month, even more then the time before we broke up. Now hes again, told me that he is so sorry, he loves me it should be me and him, and that he never loved her, but was confused.

he was feeling unhappy in our relationship and i know i was treating him poorly before, and i can forgive the stuff before we broke up because BOTH of us contributed to that, and i can understand it.

i want to give him ONE last shot because i honestly think that we both want it. its only been a few days, but i just want to know HOW i could possibly trust what he says?? i just am a mess…..

[Anonymous]

Hello confused: It sounds like a similar relationship that I’m going through. My advice is No. 1 – STOP being the one to contact him first. No. 2 – Men still want to be the one to pursue the woman (no matter what Cosmo, etc., tells you, men have not changed…they love to chase.

Women who are always available are not intriguing to a man and appear desperate or worse, a stalker. You MUST discontinue also all emails, chats, letters, cards, etc. He knows where you are and if he’s thinking about you, he’ll call. And if he doesn’t call, he isn’t thinking about you. And if he isn’t thinking about you, he doesn’t love you as much as you think he does.

If he calls and leaves a message, don’t call him back until several hours later or better, the next day. Do NOT leave long messages on his Voice mail….just say, “Hi, I’m returning your call.” When you do speak, leave out all emotional talk…talk in generalities. And best of all, the one who ends the call first has the power. Somewhere in your “chat” you say, “I gotta go”. If he asks where, you say you have a class, a lunch, an appt., etc. (do not say you have a date)…keep it a mystery.

I got this advice from someone and it’s working to get my man to “yearn” for me. He believes I’m a desirable and very busy woman who have LOTS of other guys after me. If I kept calling him to let him know my feelings, I appear desperate…and men prefer “bitches”…not needy, desperate women. Read the book, “Why Men Love Bitches”…it’ll change your whole attitude in the man-woman love relationship, I guarantee it.

Enough said!

[Anonymous]

but he isnt dating other people in college he has only hooked up with one other girl…and he does not want a relationship…and it was not another girl because even his mom asked him that and he said no

[Anonymous]

➡ ➡ ➡ ➡ RUN VERY FAST!

[Anonymous]

i really love him and i used to know why, but honestly now i really don’t know…he’s not bad in bed he just doesn’t take his time, he just wants to get to it without doing any kind of four play u know…and like i said he doesnt kiss me that often, he just pecks me in the lips and that’s it, he says that we’re to old to french kiss and that its for younger kids to do…mind you were in our late 20’s…all he does is sleep and play video games all day and night and god forbid if i ask him to do something he says he’ll do it wen he feels like it, he wont do it the moment i ask him…i never ask anything of him but to show me love and respect, and to actually go out with me and make memories of our relationship, because he never wants to go out and do anything because he says we have no money to go out, and i just want him to do what the man is supposed to do in the house u know….its like everything annoys him and aggravates him and pisses him off…could i be doing something wrong to make him feel that way?? i cant say that i feel beautiful or confident in me because he has never told me im beautiful, he says i look nice sometimes depending on what i wear but has never said im beautiful..he never wants to talk about anything serous like how he feels or how i feel, he says its hard for him to show his emotions and to be affectionate because hes just not that way…i have two boys and my youngest one (14 mon), my boyfriends been in the babys life since he was 7 mon and now being over a year obviously the baby is gonna know him as his father, since his real father is not in the picture. and it would really kill me if i walked away knowing the baby only knows him as his father and he will be hurt not having him around u know…do you think that couples therapy would help our relationship?? and thats if hes even willing to go, if not do you think there is someone that can come into my environment to help us out…

[Anonymous]

That definitely helps, thank you so much, I just need to hear it from an outside source to know it’s right to move on. It’s so hard, but I just found out today that he’s going after one of the high school freshman, I don’t need that, I’M IN COLLEGE!!

Thanks again 🙂

[Anonymous]

run fast

[Anonymous]

Thanks April. He says that women just send him these pics and he hasnt done anything and I do beleive him. I dont think he would cheat. But, if he as no relationship or just a friendship, why are they sending regular and naked pics?

[Anonymous]

april.. i feel the right thing to do is to just move on.. i mean i love him very much.. but yes your right having children means making sacrifices. i know i have two girls of my own.. i wish this wasnt so painful.. i wanna be one of those women who love men but dont need them you know?? an im going to get that book tomorrow.. hopefully that will help alot also… thank you.. an please send advice soon..

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Thanks for the feedback….harsh as it was. I haven’t logged on since first posting back in late May, but now that I’ve read your feedback I wish that I had! But after investing a good 6 months in this ‘online relationship’, I have finally pulled the plug on it, but not after much much more relationship drama. In the meantime, I met my ‘online friend’s’ brother, while he was in my town on a conference and found out that my ‘online friend’ is in fact MUCH younger than he led me to believe, in fact over 20 years younger!!!!! And when I called him on his lie, he couldn’t understand why I was so upset…..REALLY??
I also recently learned that my friend’s Visa application was imaginary, and that he’d been getting scammed by a migration agent – no surprise there. Well this was the final straw for me and I let him know I wanted out……and he didn’t take this well, responding with threats to kill himself – which was a major turn-off; but I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised given his age & maturity level 👿
I now feel like a real fool for getting dragged into this whole fantasy. You’re so right, a relationship which is played out entirely online is NOT a relationship……and I tried to tell him this repeatedly, but he kept insisting that he would do whatever it took to be with me in person!! However, he made promises he wasn’t able to keep and without researching the immigration process…..only to find out it’s virtually impossible to get a Visa to Australia from his country – not impossible, but certainly not as easy as he’d first assumed!
This ordeal has really taken its toll on me and I’m now in damage control. I invested 6 months of my life in this relationship which went nowhere and that’s time I’ll never get back. Not to mention the time it will take to heal and get back my motivation 😉
April…..I’m really tired of getting into these relationships that go nowhere. What am I doing wrong? Why do I keep attracting & getting dragged into situations that are doomed from the outset??

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately I don’t have a credit card and I don’t like asking to borrow other people’s cards either.
I am thinking we are just friends (which is fine) as I told him to message me during the week about catching up and a week later, he hasn’t. I’ve sent him two messages and he hasn’t responded to either one.

[Anonymous]

thank you so much.i feel much better now.i’ll try to stay away from him.. i know it’d be very difficult for me to do this but still i know that i’m gonna b hurt one day if not today so i’ll accept this thing and try to move on.thank you once again 🙂

[Member]

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