[Anonymous]

You need to lose this guy.. he is not nice, doesn’t know what he wants and could get an std from his actions. If he hits you he is being abusive. I do not agree with what the previous person wrote, this guy is not for you. He def thinks he owns you, but he wants his cake and to eat it to. I know how hard it is to walk away, but if you can ignore him for 2 weeks, you can ignore him forever. Find someone who will treat you right, someone who will not want to put any passion into anyone but you. Someone who would never hit you etc. If he really wants you, he will come back again, but this time you be stronger, and you tell him.. no cheating, no hitting. Thats if you can trust him to do that….

[Anonymous]

Hi Everyone

My ex-boss has been very helpful to me over the last couple of months in relation to my work issues and my decision to leave the college. He stopped a disciplinary from taking place for me.

I spent sometime with him today and he gave me interview practice. I thought it was so sweet of him to drop everything and spend time with me. I even feel he came in just for the interview practice as normally he is in only one day a week over the holidays!

I have drafted a letter of thanks to him and in it I have mentioned how much I have appreciated his help, how indecisive I am career was and that cabin crew may be the best as a change at this time, how much I will miss him and what a great pleasure it has been to work with him. I also acknowledged the great work i=he has done at the college to date and will do int he future. I use this opportunity to say that it would be nice to get to know him on a social level and that he should keep in touch.

Do you think this letter is appropriate at this time? To day he was reading my CV and made a comment about the fact that I went to a catholic school. then he kept asking me questions about my religion. Its as if he really wants to get to know me.

Advice welcomed. 😕

[Anonymous]

Hi April

Thanks for linking me up with Jenny. I plan to download your book later.

Just to update you. I decided to go ahead with interview practice this afternoon with my ex-boss. He arranged it at the drop of a hat with no hesistation. I dressed to impress. I think I did well at the practice and he was impressed with my responses. I was a little upset that I did not pick up on any body language this afternoon and I did not get the opportunity to flirt with him. He has been giving me the looks for months and I believe this has been going on long before I started noticing them.

I feel he is shy and probably conscienous of his situation but I am not certain of his situation (private life) as he has not told me. I too am in a relationship that I am trying to get out of. I want to get him on his own but just cant break into him. I feel he thinks I am not interested as I am also so professional around him.

I am sure you will say the answer is in the book. I have my cabin crew interview next week. If I get it I would like him to be first to know. I did not get a proper send off at the end of term. I mentioned this to him and he is now arranging something for the beginning of the term for me. He is so thoughtful.

If you have any further comment please let me know.

thanks

LOL X

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

Thanks again. I hope I’m not asking for too much from you. I think she would fit best in the gategory of a fried. More than that is unreachable and it was never my intention from the begining. Also, both of us have our socail and sexual needs taken care of somewhere else.
It was always my intention to have some kind of frienship with her regadless of the emotional attraction between us and i also don’t want it to go beyond that. As i mentioned erlier all verbal comunication between us was on friendly bassis but i think the nonverbal comunication lead somewhere else and thats why i think she considers me as a threat to her marrige and thats why she started ignoring me.
Is friendship still possible between us. How can i communicate my real intentions to her.

I really appreciate your help.

Hans

[Anonymous]

I can’t find the original post anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Dear April,
What would be the best to get out of it. Shall i just ignore her to make her feel she lost something or try more to be friendly. how can seduce her if i want to. In other words, what should be my next step. I don’t want to date her or have sex with her but i want her as some kind of a friend a real close friend. what shall i do.

Best
Hans

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I think you are absolutely correct. Thank you for the help. Its really great of you that you give your time and experience to help others.

Thanks again and god bless you.

Hans

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

Thank you for this fast and helpful reply. It really did wake me up. I think you are correct with your analysis that she is not interested in a relationship and this is truly what made me wonder a lot. Usually I’m not the kind of person that would really run after an uninterested married woman. Actually, the word married is the border i won’t think of crossing normally.
After getting the feeling that my emails are being ignored i got the same impression as you did that she is not interested specially that she is married. But, what keeps me wondering is why would a person ignore a friendly email and then few days later visit me in my office for no reason. Even on the phone she is way too friendly even after ignoring the mails. It doesn’t make sense.
The issue for me is not having a relationship with her rather than really understanding this fluctuation in behavior when dealing personally or via email. Personally i trust face to face communication and though we are always talking business i still feel there is attraction.
My question now would be why is she ignoring my mails while remaining very friendly in person. Normally after knowing my intention and being uninterested to the point of neglecting my mails at least i should feel change in her approach to me. She should keep a distance which is not happening.
I know this is going no where but somehow the situation makes me very curious to know whats going on. It would be much easier for me if she simply tells me to get the hell away. Usually i trust my judgment on people and i believe in my ability to translate body language efficiently. It always works. Except here where i feel lost not for not having her but for loosing trust in my senses.

Best regards,

Hans

[Anonymous]

Hi it seems like you have posted your question in the “Report” section of the forum. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but would you please start a New Topic and repost it in the Q & A section? 😉

Here’s the link: https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[Anonymous]

You we’re broken up and you don’t owe him anything. That said, have you told him that you thought it was a mistake? You have no responsibility for his irrational emotions but he most likely can’t help but feel hurt. Give him time to calm down and take him someplace that he would enjoy, talk, laugh together and end the night making slow passionate love. You are sorry for what you did, but for yourself, not for him.

[Anonymous]

I am sure April will have great advice for you. In the meantime here is my 2 cents…

DO NOT be mad at your boyfriend. If he has attempted to discourage this co-workers flirting, he does not appear to be contributing to this situation at all.

Instead, I would encourage you to remind your boyfriend why he is with the best woman for him (YOU!!!) not with words, but with actions 😉 You may even want to flaunt how wonderful your relationship in earshot of this other woman. Surprise him at work with lunch, mail him a love card to work, etc. All things that will just reinforce to her that you guys are completely happy and she doesn’t have a chance 🙂

Your bf could consider telling her that he may have to speak with management about feeling sexually harassed if her behavior continues.

[Anonymous]

As you requested, I added my update to the previous post…

Hi April. I wrote to you a couple months ago and you had great advice for me dealing with the difficulties in my marriage and lingering feelings for my ex.

I have taken your advice and minimized contact with my ex (we only talk or see each other when it is necessary for our children). I have openly discussed with my husband the issues I felt we had in our marriage (but haven’t brought up my feelings for my ex).

My husband has really stepped up to the plate and has worked incredibly hard to “fix” any and all issues. He truly is the perfect husband and I am leading a perfect life.

The problem is, I don’t appreciate any of it! I still dream of this perfect life, but with my ex in my husband’s place. I know my ex would never compare to my husband. He would never have put a fraction of the effort into our relationship that my husband has. We wouldn’t have this big, beautiful house, money in the bank, more love than I could ever need, etc. I would never be his number one-our children, his family, his friends were/are more important to him than any woman. Yet, I still love him, want him, think of him during sex, etc after all this time. It doesn’t make any sense. I am beginning to wonder if something is wrong with me 🙁

About a year ago, when I complained that I was unhappy in my marriage, but for no obvious reasons my doctor prescribed me a decent dose of antidepressants. I take them as prescribed, but it doesn’t fix the lack of love/contentment in my marriage. I don’t think I ever loved my husband. I married him for the wrong reasons (he was a rebound relationship during my divorce and he loved me sooooo much-something I really needed after feeling unloved by my ex). I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want a reconciliation with my ex (well I do, but I know it would not work out). I want to find a way to be happy with what I have. Is this just human nature to always want more/the grass is always greener or am I just really messed up?

Help!!!

[Anonymous]

Dear April
Okay i am so confused here is the situtation. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I have been through hell and back with him. But i still stand beside him. My boyfriend i found out back in 2006 that he was cheating on me and i found out by one of our best friends. We still lived togteher but we were more so friends with benefits they call it. He was with her most of the time and at the time i was a supervisor at a hotel so i put all my focus into working around the clock to avoid the situation. By September of 2006 we had gotten back together and were trying to make it work. But this boy from the neighborhood who liked kept telling that my boyfriend was still cheating on me. I confronted my boyfriend and every time i did we would get into a huge physical argument. But i still stood beside him. I picked up starting to cheat on him while i was at work. on y lunch breaks and any chance i could. in Feb of 2007 i found out that I had trich. The boy i was messing with went a got a std test done on him to see if he had it also. But He came back negative. So i knew that it was from my boyfriend. Now he didnt know that i was sleeping with this other boy but he kept refusing to go get tested and told me i was dilusional that he wasnt sleeping with any other chick. But My gyn told me that trich is mainly from female to female and men are only carriers. so I called my boyfriend and asked him was he sleeping with anyone else just to tell me the truth he told me no. I knew though he was. WE lost our home in Feb also due to a fire. So since i worked at a hotel i was able to get free rooms at hotels around where we lived. We were staying there but at the same time my boyfriend had a gambling problem (still does) so he would always tell me he was gambling. He got locked up June of that year. And i had got rid of the std by then. But by the time he got locked up there was someone always texting his phone and i was wondering who it was. I knew it was a female so when he go locked up he finally called me and wanted to have me text this person to let them know what was going on. Stupid me went against my mind and still text the person and give them the address he was at. Well eventually i found out that truth and was heart broke again . Now here its is 2010 and he is out of jail. but i am starting to worry that he is starting allthe crap again. I am so confused. He went one night to the bar after we had a huge fight winded up going back to this girls house and he says nothing happened but he didnt come home until 8:30 the next morning. and we havent been the same since.i am worried that he still talks to her and messes with her. I argue with hm because he keeps everything from me and i feel i have a right not know about it all. and he wont tell me nothing about her. Becuase he loved her. which i dont understand he was only with her for 3 days he tells me. But he protects her like he has never done with me and i do not know what to do. I feell i have a right to know everything about her bc he has told her stuff about me that no one is suppose to know. It something i can not make myself move on from because he will not tell me where he met her, her name where she lives, and what they talked about what she looks like I need your help can you give me advice.

[Anonymous]

April,

I did accept his proposal. But he passed away June 29. He was sick for longer than he let on according to doctors. Explains a lot.

Marylee

[Anonymous]

Thanks,

I bought the book and I’ll read it.
From what you are saying, it seems that all hopes are not lost yet then…
I guess that he must be somehow attracted to me if he “flirts” playfully with me, jokes that we are dating in front of my friends, wants me to sleep at his place when we do late group outings and I miss the metro and seems sad when I refuse to come to outings he organises.
I’ll try to get as much insights as possible from this book and then… come what may I guess…
If things don’t work out with him , there are other fishes in the sea!

Thanks April!

[Member]

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