[Anonymous]

I am so very sorry to hear that. DON’T Kill yourself, trust me he is not worth that. That is terrible what he did to you, I don’t know what his problem is. But, I know that is not love for sure.. He sounds like he needs to grow up and realize that it’s not right to talk marriage with someone and then just expect them to understand when they don’t have the same goals as you. All the junk about him not being ready and you changing his life for the better. I don’t think YOU need to change a bit, it sounds like he is the on
that needs to do some changing to me. Also, sounds like he is the one loosing by not wanting you. The boy wants his cake and eat it too. Wants you on the side, but not wanting to actually invest into a relationship. You have a couple of options though. One give him his space, even though I know it’s painful. Obviously he still needs you on some levels or he would not be messaging you throughout the day. OR you can try your very best to keep as busy as you can and surround yourself with friends to attempt to forget him. I can see you deserve better than him, but I am sure everyone is telling you that and that doesn’t help you a bit right now…. Give him some time and make EVERY effort to put some distance between you and him however hard that may be. You DO your very best to control the distance too. Like don’t text him back right away, you are NOT at his beck and call and he needs to know that he’s hurt you. He also needs to know that you CAN and WILL function without him. I am sorry, I am going through a VERY similar situation myself and should probably be taking my own advice, especially since I have a BS in Psychology. Read my post if you want to hear what’s happening to me if you get curious. But, really good luck. I know you will make it through this, no matter how hard it may be. Please, honestly ending your life is NOT worth this.

[Anonymous]

SORRY FOR ALL MY TYPOS I WAS SO MAD WHEN I WROTE THIS..

[Anonymous]

Thank you April. so far you advice has helped. and everthing is sort of headed in the right direction. shes at least being honest and we are talking regularly again. She admitted that she was very happy in our relationship (and for her thats a big thing). but she said that from her point of view it was like two puzzle pieces that you have to push together and it kind of confused me but i just shook it off. but i have been acting confident again (i always used to be but the whole breakup knocked me off my guard) standing tall, sitting straight, looking directly into eyes.

Now here is the new problem. Since confidence is more like a body language thing and since me and her have a bit of distance (and are always busy). How can i project it over the phone or over email without looking like a Cocky Ass? and also how can i make myself less available?; I have been limiting my talking to her to every four days (I wait 4 days before i initiate conversation) is this a good move? also she always seems too busy to spend time with me but has time to visit everyone else, How can I change this?

[Anonymous]

one thing i learned in life is that there is no “kinda abusive” i was 18 when i met my ex husband. And he was so sweet he made the bees jealous, but ppl always told me to watch out for “Theo” I always said he would never do anything, about a year later he started saying rude things and inapproriate phrases, then right around 19 we got married and a month later i got pregnant with our first child, and the abuse turned physical, well it took me 5 years to get out of it. i learned in love you have to have physical safety, emotional safety and commitment safety and if you don’t have all three forget it.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the reply “crazed-driver” =) Me and my boyfriend actually talked for the 100th time about what we should work out on in our relationship and he promised this time that he wouldn’t scream at the top of his lungs and curse at me even if i flip out on him. Hopefully, he can keep up with his promise and be a start of a happier relationship 😀

[Anonymous]

thanks. That makes alot of sense. I’m letting things cool off and giving her space.
On my birthday we just hung out at her house nothing special. She’s really busy with work and stuff and just got me a card, but a day later txted me what size shirt and shorts I was and got me some clothes. Anyway, I’m thinking of getting her a skirt that she pointed out to me that she wanted and burning her a cd of her favorite songs or something. not sure yet. thanks for the help

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your insight on his behavior. 🙂

This “other” relationship has been emotionally stressful for me because I am really into this guy and I feel he’s into me but sometimes I can never figure out from one day to the next if he’ll treat me like a best friend, his lover, or if he’ll give me the cold shoulder. We’ve never really spend any time with each other outside of work but we talk on the phone occassionally. I’m really thinking I should trash this frienship/relationship altogether.

One thing I did fail to mention – my relationship with my husband has not been all that great for the past few years, but because of family obligations and children we try to maintain a cordial relationship.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your insight on his behavior. 🙂

This “other” relationship has been emotionally stressful for me because I am really into this guy and I feel he’s into me but sometimes I can never figure out from one day to the next if he’ll treat me like a best friend, his lover, or if he’ll give me the cold shoulder. We’ve never really spend any time with each other outside of work but we talk on the phone occassionally. I’m really thinking I should trash this frienship/relationship altogether.

One thing I did fail to mention – my relationship with my husband has not been all that great for the past few years, but because of family obligations and children we try to maintain a cordial relationship.

[Anonymous]

well he and I have been on and off in the past anyway but ok we havent stopped loving each other

[Anonymous]

It seems you are in dilemma with your relation.You want both your career and your relation.That is nice but seeing the positive side of your boyfriend I think he is just a perfect person for you.You can tell him about your problem and try to realize him what you want.Make sure that your career does not ruin your relation.And you tell us about your sexual problem but it is not such a problem.Wish you a happy life.

[Anonymous]

Also my birthday is in 2 days and hers is in a week..I want to be able to have fun with her on my bday..maybe we can do something fun because shes off work. Our plans of a romantic date wont be happening but…I also want to get her something thoughtful or sweet for her birthday. just trying to think of what

[Anonymous]

Hey thanks for the advice. Yeah im moving out in 2 days. Youre right I kept asking her what she meant by her feelings for me changed when i did that but she couldnt explain it but that does make sense that shes trying to protect herself. I know what I have to do now, its just hard because I got no reassurance that shed want to get back together later in the future. But i can understand shes going through alot and thats just wheres shes at. We deffinately need to ease the tention, thanks again. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Ok so i posted something on here earlier and I need to break it down in depth. My boyfriend is 43 and I am 30. We have two kids together and moved to another state 2 years ago to be near his daughter. The problem is he has become very emotionally abusive since we’ve moved here. He curses at me and discludes me from every aspect of his life including the one with his 26 year old daughter and his crack addicted baby’s mother. We now are on an up and down roller coaster where every other day he wants to leave and I tell him he should–but he never goes. The kids love hime to death but Im not sure how much more I can take just to keep a family together that he obviously doesnt want. I dont feel like im just complaining–I just know people dont talk to people a certain way that they supposedly love and care about.–I need more advice PleaseEssence

[Anonymous]

Awesome post….. Thanks all.I would like to share some information about girls and boys dating.i have dated on and off line with some success. Dating should not require this much thought. One- if the guy likes you he will show it. Confidence is the key. if he is good looking, confident, and interested he will kiss you before the night is over. A little aggressiveness is always a good thing. Trust me on this. Two- becoming friends shows a lack of interest on one of your parts. This is usually showed when the guy doesn’t try to kiss the girl or the girl pulls away and the guy doesn’t try again. if both of you are interested it doesn’t make it to friends much less best friends. On the 3rd point the author made. Real men don’t have to boast all the time. it shows a real lack of confidence. who needs a high maintenance man. move on. 4th- I have never heard of a man afraid of kissing a girl. This is disillusion. If he isn’t making a move on a date he isn’t interested. Girls always look for a good balance in a man. he doesn’t have to be pushy or overly aggressive, but don’t chase after someone who isn’t interested either.

[Anonymous]

Awesome post….. Thanks all.I would like to share some information about girls and boys dating.i have dated on and off line with some success. Dating should not require this much thought. One- if the guy likes you he will show it. Confidence is the key. if he is good looking, confident, and interested he will kiss you before the night is over. A little aggressiveness is always a good thing. Trust me on this. Two- becoming friends shows a lack of interest on one of your parts. This is usually showed when the guy doesn’t try to kiss the girl or the girl pulls away and the guy doesn’t try again. if both of you are interested it doesn’t make it to friends much less best friends. On the 3rd point the author made. Real men don’t have to boast all the time. it shows a real lack of confidence. who needs a high maintenance man. move on. 4th- I have never heard of a man afraid of kissing a girl. This is disillusion. If he isn’t making a move on a date he isn’t interested. Girls always look for a good balance in a man. he doesn’t have to be pushy or overly aggressive, but don’t chase after someone who isn’t interested either.

[Member]

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