[Anonymous]

I don’t know what to tell you but i’ve been dealing with the exact same thing for the last four years with my boyfriend and his ex wife, but the problem is we have to kids together and they still act like more of a family than we do so my advice is if it doesn’t change GET OUT–BECAUSE ITS NOT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER

[Anonymous]

Isn’t the gap between 19 and 25 – 6 years and not 8 years?

[Anonymous]

There is no easy way to break up with her but you owe it to her and you. Just be honest. I”ve been in the situation where I moved to another state to be with someone. We both knew it wasnt working after a while but neither of us wanted to admit it. I stay for longer then I should’ve and honestly my only regret is that he never said anything sooner and neither did I. I don’t regret moving to try and be with him and then moving away my only regret is that I stayed there longer then I should’ve. I guess this will probably be her biggest regret if you don’t tell her how you feel. Unfortunately people get hurt when they breakup but life goes on. Anyone gets excited talking about engagements and looking at apartments but deep down she probably does realize something is wrong and is just pushing that feeling away.

[Anonymous]

you said that what’s right for me is his proposal. For the past 5 months he has been talking about is the future. What I want and what he wants. How many kids (if we were to have any), and what the more important things are. He has brought up about how 2 of his friends just got married and wonders what it would be like if we got married. When i sometimes say ‘if we are together then’ he looks hurt and always asks why I dont think we will be. He didnt really talk about this before. So would that count for anything?
His mother is coming out to meet me next week. And it is a big deal because I haven’t really met any of his family due to them living so far away. I have only talked to them on the phone. He is very close to his mother, and he never let any of his pother gf’s meet her. Does that mean anything?
Sorry if this is not making any sense. Or if im not giving enough details

[Anonymous]

Hi April, thanks for your reply.

Yes you are right, the kids are the very important thing here in this whole situation, Me and her have talked about this on many times and I come from a broken home myself so I know what it is like. One of the things she finds hard to deal with is sticking with a marriage with a guy she doesnt love anymore just for the sake of the kids, and I have mentioned to her that her love for her kids is worth it, Its just very hard.

And yes, we are 100% certain we are soulmates, and have talked about it alot knowing that we will have this bond for the rest of our lives, its such a strong feeling, both of us have never felt anything like it before and I used to look at people saying that and not believe it but now, I certainly do!!.

So I guess if we have to wait another 16 years to be together then so be it, We both know we always have loved each other and always will, and nothing will ever ever change that ever!!. But what do I do for 16 years?, Do i sit around waiting because I honestly feel I cannot love anyone as much as I love her, I just know that for a fact!!

thanks again, here from you soon!

J PP

[Anonymous]

I feel guilty I think because I feel like If I had said something different that maybe we would still be together and I know it wasn’t my fault , but I still can’t stop thinking. After our breakup I guess he thought I would just run back to him , but I’m not that kind of girl so I just didn’t talk to him and now I feel bad about that too. I don’t know maybe I am being too hard on myself. If he still cares about me and wants to be friends I guess he knows where to find me right!

[Anonymous]

We dated for 4 1/2 months we are both 17 about to be 18 and no I don’t think he left me for her. I mean he knew her before he met me so he would of had time to go out with her then , but never did and he has never talked about her.He has however told me about one of his ex girlfriends who broke his heart in the past , and was hoping I wouldn’t do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your reply. It made a lot of sense.
I realise now that I have to let him decide what his next step is, and if I am part of it.

There’s a deadline to the situation – his housing contract means by September he has to do something (get a job or if not he’ll probably leave the city we live in). If I am not part of his future, how do I prevent this situation from being a long miserable countdown to our break up in September?

He would never purposely hurt me, but even if he’s quite sure he’s leaving and not inviting me to go with him, he could in theory want us to stay together until the last moment.

Doesnt that make me a victim, being there for him emotionally and physically when he has subconciously decided it’s over? Can I ask him to make a decision about us sooner than that, to avoid this?

Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Thanks April,

I feel a bit more positive now 🙂 I will have a look for your book later, it sounds interesting! I always find it nice to read, but I may try to hide it from my friends – don’t want everyone to know what I am concerned about 🙂

Well, I didn’t explain well what the problem was I guess because I was a bit embarrassed and was hoping somehow you’d be able to guess – so I will try to explain here as well as I can. I basically think that there was a bit too much mess afterwards. 😕 I didn’t think about it before, as I’d only ever masturbated so had nobody to tell me if there was anything wrong. But I got home and I searched on some medical help sites and saw something that was a bit worrying. It said that most men ejaculate 2-5ml and if it is regularly over 5ml, then this is something called hyperspermia which is abnormal, but it did not really explain what effects it had or anything. So, I searched other sites and they said the same – it is abnormal, but nothing else. Is it dangerous, should I go see a doctor? I feel slightly embarrassed to go to a doctor about this, so I’d like to be sure I actually need to go first. I’ve done a few self-tests at home to see if I was abnormal, and this worried me more because I did not even get close to 5ml. The lowest I managed to get was around 25ml, and most times it is 30ml or above. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or if there is a way to make less, but I’m just worried because everywhere I look says ‘abnormal’.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I feel like I am scared to do anything with anyone else till I find out if everything is OK!

[Anonymous]

Thanks April, I didn’t realize I was the one causing a lot of the problems. My friends of course kept talking about how all of their boyfriends go on trips, etc. but I know it’s easier for a friend to just act like it’s not you that’s in the wrong. I also need to accept that life isn’t a movie and that I can’t expect him to fly down to see me when he’ll be around relatives he’s only met once or twice. I guess two years just seemed like such a long time to me since we’re so young and I thought we were already pretty committed. After how long then would you say I should be worried about him never coming to visit me? And should I stop flying up there to see him if he never makes an effort to see me? We talk for hours every day, which I guess is all you need to have a relationship with someone, but I can’t help but have hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the reply,

Oh man, its just so hard, I know what your saying, put myself in his shoes, and yes, its terrible for me to think how bad and shocking it would be for him. I know we shouldn’t have even done this in the first place but its just so hard when we both feel the way we do, We both admit we have always loved each other from the day we meet 17years ago, and to finally be able to tell each other how we felt was just amazing, i have no words to describe the love that we feel for each other, as I said its more than that, its way way way beyond just love. Its just so dam hard to let go and go back to being just friends when we both know how we feel, when we try and do that, and believe me we have many many times it just hurts us both so much and we feel so empty and lifeless when it happens, I know what is right to do but does love really have no boundaries??

thankyou again.

J PP

[Anonymous]

You’re welcome. I understand how hard it is for you. When someone proclaims their love and then suddenly, poof, turns on you. Hard to comprehend and accept why all that would suddenly happen, it is very hurtful to deal with. And the many years you invested, not to mention the years of long distance relationship, it’s lonely.
On some level, it was easy for her when it was long distance, there was less reason for her to accuse you of things when she couldn’t see you in action, accept for u letting her know when u were going out with the guys.
Likewise, MJ is a distance, and you were at a distance those beginning years.
It is inspiring to hear of your devotion and loyalty to her, that you had a deep love for her and so she was all that was on your mind and u had no reason to notice other women.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I also understand the need for answers to have closure.
Yes, sometimes we have to jump and take risks even when we’re scared to experience greatness, but for some people I think, the constanst suspicion, anxiety or fear becomes overwhelming, and to cope with themselves and life, they probably put up walls, this way they have peace within themselves, and don’t have to live with jealousy etc… like depression…can’t deal with that long term…it’s painful…only way to conquer it, some people go on medication.
Again, I’m very sorry for your pain.

[Anonymous]

You’re welcome. I understand how hard it is for you. When someone proclaims their love and then suddenly, poof, turns on you. Hard to comprehend and accept why all that would suddenly happen, it is very hurtful to deal with. And the many years you invested, not to mention the years of long distance relationship, it’s lonely.
On some level, it was easy for her when it was long distance, there was less reason for her to accuse you of things when she couldn’t see you in action, accept for u letting her know when u were going out with the guys.
Likewise, MJ is a distance, and you were at a distance those beginning years.
It is inspiring to hear of your devotion and loyalty to her, that you had a deep love for her and so she was all that was on your mind and u had no reason to notice other women.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I also understand the need for answers to have closure.
Yes, sometimes we have to jump and take risks even when we’re scared to experience greatness, but for some people I think, the constanst suspicion, anxiety or fear becomes overwhelming, and to cope with themselves and life, they probably put up walls, this way they have peace within themselves, and don’t have to live with jealousy etc… like depression…can’t deal with that long term…it’s painful…only way to conquer it, some people go on medication.
Again, I’m very sorry for your pain.

[Anonymous]

You wrote the same thing I was already thinking too about her infatuation with MJ. He’s a dead man who can do no wrong, a perfect man in her eyes probably. Obviously she must of had some bad experiences, as she even said she did, and she is scared of being let down and hurt, so the coward way of doing things is to avoid relationships, putting up walls around your heart. After every way you tried to convince her, she refuses to let go and believe or to take a chance. She is deeply rooted it seems. The jealousy and mistrust overtakes her. It’s hard living in this world sometimes because it’s an imperfect one and that causes fear in people.

[Anonymous]

i forgot to mention that she was with him for almost a year but we have only been together 6 months. i know it doesnt seem like a long time but it was very smooth going. and one of the reasons she left him is because he smothered her and never gave her space. and another thing i thought was interesting is she cant stand to wear necklaces to bed (long story that involes a sexual assault) and her old boyfriend gave her one but she takes it off at night. but i gave her my high school ring on a chain as a promice ring to show her i was committed, and she never took it off even at night. but she took it off the day we broke up. i dont know ifs thats somthing important but i figured you should know… please help i dont know wether i should stick around and still visit her every second weekend or so(she knows my intentions). or should i stay friends and just stay quiet. or should i just completly walk away. i dont want too by any means but the thought of another man in the place is a hard bite to swallow. and before if i asked what happened she would just lock up, become completly unresponcive and start crying. im just really confused.

[Member]

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