[Anonymous]

Thank you so much, I appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

I’m really sorry again for the long post.

And after a week not talking to her, that I realized how (sorry for the word) retard I was being towards her.
I’m going to apologize to her really soon.

I know I did pretty much all the ‘big don’t if you want your ex back’ , now I’ve realized that I’d want a fresh start with her,because she’s the first one that made me happy in years. Since we fought I had dreams almost every night about we getting back together,or even that we didn’t break up.

I’m just able to move back to her town in September or August, is there any ”better’ approach that I could use until I see her again and after.

Because she means a lot to me,and I’d think that if I didn’t have to leave, me and her would work out.

Thanks April.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for your advice. how would i make him feel like he wants to be a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all your advice, everyone. Here is my last question. I love her. I can see by what you have said that I am going to have constant issues over her discipline of her daughter, and her ex because he is out of control and yet she feels like he needs to be in her daughter’s life, even though I have pointed out that he constantly uses the little girl and his boys from his first marriage to hurt my fiance. He dropped the little girl off yesterday by sending her to the door with his oldest son, who he was on his way to drop off next and after my fiance hugged the boy, who she has had a very close relationship with for the past 6 years, her ex sent her a text telling her that he does not want her talking to his boys at any time for any reason, he wants her out of their lives. Basically he is trying to hurt her by denying her the chance to still see the boys, even though this will surely hurt the boys too. He has no problem using the kids to hurt my fiance, even when that use hurts the kids too. I pointed this out to her and asked her what kind of influence is he to have in her little girl’s life if he is that sick but she still thinks he should still see the little girl. So what I am saying is that I know I am going to have issues and problems at least until the little girl is 18 or her ex dies, which is possible too because of his health, but I love her and I can’t see myself just walking away. How do you fall out of love?

[Anonymous]

I thought we were doing awesome. Ya know couples have their flaws and what not. Its just scaring me that he is willing to let go of something that might be good. We both fell madly in love and I gave up everything to be with him. I am emotionally sick, and I really dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to lose him, but I know you’re right if hes going to go hes going to go and there isnt anything I can do about it.

Does it sound like he wants to leave, or is he hinting something else?

[Anonymous]

I’m going to be REAL honest with you and you may not like it. First and foremost, please take Aprils advice because she is right. But I am going to give you something else to think about. What kind of woman would let her child go with their father if she knows he LIVES on pain medication? Regardless if there other boys are there??? This kills me. As a single mother of 2 kids ages 3 and 7, I would never let my kids go with their dad (we are divorced) when he was in an altered state or if I felt they weren’t safe emotionally or physically. We have a court order as well but I refuse to let them go even when he and his fiancé are fighting. I don’t want my kids around that.
How do you let your child behave badly? She hits her mother? Don’t you see this as an issue? As an early childhood educator, if you do not correct this behavior now, it will only get worse!!
To me, there are SO many single available people out there to date. So may good women looking for good men. I would consider having this serious sit down with her like April suggested and if it doesn’t correct itself within 6 months, I would leave. This is anyway going to be an issue but it’s an issue because your girlfriend is allowing it! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I’m kind of going through the same thing with my boyfriend, except he hasnt told me that he doesnt really think this will work…

I cant really give ya advice since Im here kind of seeking the same thing..

Has your situation improved?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice April. 🙂

Turns out this one wasn’t obvious, but I’ve finally managed to get to the bottom of it! It was nothing to do with the surgery, but rather a long term medical condition that triggered something not so obvious. I’m 23 and have had diabetes for 17 years. Turns out after having it for so long I just got a little bit lax about controlling it. It’s in the very early stages, so the solution is simple: I just need to control my diabetes a little bit better than I have been doing – the way I used to before a couple of years ago – and the problem will go away.

It’s due to something called Diabetic Autonomic Neuropathy:

Not expecting any kind of help or advice with this one obviously – just posting it up to let you know what happened and in case it helps someone else. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Update:
Since your reply I stopped flirting with my ex and we have really had the typical ex-relationship. We talk only occasionally and only about the children. No more professing our love for each other (he is a distant type so he really only did it that one time).

I think it appears things are better with my husband, less fighting, less of his constant criticism of everything I do. In truth though, I still don’t love him. I love our material things, I love that he loves me, I don’t love him. I do passionately love my ex. I know a future with my ex would not work out…we wouldn’t have the material things, I know he could never love me like my husband or if he did could never show it. Basically, you are right I am much better off in my current marriage.

I don’t know how to fall out of love with the ex and in love with the husband. Help! I am a mature, professional woman, I shouldn’t be struggling with these teenage problems!

[Anonymous]

I appreciate your advice. I found out that this guy is not right ’cause besides me, there are other ladies he’s involved with. Maybe because my husband is not as sweet as him that my attention was diverted to him. However, I am freakin’ dumb ’cause I did chores for him, cleaned his house, washed and fixed his clothes that these other ladies may not have done for him. And I swear, he was really impressed. He let’s me in his house without him (that’s why found out other ladies’ things). It’s fine with me that he’s seeing other ladies because I, too, can’t be with him throughout. If he treasures me, he’ll find me. But if not, then, I let go of him… For now, I consider him special and I’m just happy that I met him. I admit that I am a fool.

[Anonymous]

Hi April. I don’t know why he told me now. He said his mother was begging him to tell me. He didn’t think it was important to tell me about his daughter. Since he does not have a good relationship with her or her mother and he has tried throughout the years, he has sort of washed his hands of her and just pays his child support.
My problem with him is I have explained to him my feelings. That it is one year and every 2-3 months, I found out information about him in which is upsetting to me. It is like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. One time it was text messages for 4-5 women in a flirty manner. Next time he took someone out on a date (but in his eyes, nothing happened) and the last time, he was flirting with his tax woman and texted messages indicate that they met up. He denied everything. Now, he tells me about his daughter. He seems to think I am overacting but yet, I go through emotional pain everything these things occur because I love this man so much, it kills me.
I am a smart, motivated, intelligent woman that is completely independent and I have been raising my kids alone for 4 years. To many, I am a great catch. I feel I can do better. What I don’t like is being told that my feelings don’t matter and that I am almost crazy for feeling the way I do. What are your thoughts? I am curious to see your feedback. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Thanks that helps a lot, I think I keep waiting and hoping Matt will change, he is such a charmer and I know he does love me, yet he’s selfish. I feel like he’s very forward and when I have tried in the past to end it he hounds and suffocates me until weak as it sounds its easier to give in! I just sometimes feel as though im so convenient for him, have my own place nice car good job etc whereas he had nothing when I met him, not that material things are important but it just feels like take take on his side. Im finding it hard to break away from him, he’s addictive. I think going through so much drama with him made me look back to my laid back ex Ben who made me feel secure and we have a daughter together and sometimes wish I could make it work with him, thing is in the end I always feel like he’s not enough etc. MAybe I do need time alone, how would you advise ending it with someone who will not give up on you? Matt just turns up at my work, my home etc, I tried to end it couple of weeks back and he was in bits, really made me feel sorr for him. He’s from south Africa, im in UK he by his choice left the army to be with me…looking back now I know he is so insecure he would of been going out of his mind thinking I’d meet someone. Thing is Ive never gave him reason to think that, yet he messaged his ex like that and few other things yet I get accused of things all the time? im at a point now where I dont know how to get out of this. Its like im so weak…and trust me im not normally this way. arrr im fed up. I try being so direct and addamant with him, it makes no diff. he see’s me as his and although very loving etc when we argue he says really nasty stuff..really below the belt. then excuses it by saying he felt hurt by me?

[Anonymous]

well… i’ve done it and tears galore…. plus a shed load of excuses “so you dont trust me?”, “would i be this cclose to you and lie?”, “its called having a laugh, i was kidding around”, “we were joking”, “you can’t tell from the writing that we were joking but we were”, “so you think i’m like everyone else?”. that last one occured when i said that people have been face to face with me and lied. she has now stormed out of the room and i have called him and told him that as soon as he gets back from town at 4 he is to come here. she seems sincere that nothing happened and they were only joking and i’m guessing he will do the same. PLEASE HELP!!!!!! i need advice here its tearing me apart to see her like this and i’m already heart broken. 😥

[Anonymous]

once again thank you all for the advice 😀 , i know i will be out of this soon although it may be in a day or two as she has her son with her for today and tomorrow and i dont want to put him through anything as he is a fantastic little boy and is now the only thing i will miss about being with her 🙁 . I know i will move past this… what doesn’t kill you, can only make you stronger. i will let you guys and gals out there know how it goes 😉 .

[Anonymous]

There has been new developments as i got home tonight from work i noticed she was on facebook, and i saw the chat window open to him there was no messages just a blank screen then a second later he typed “i know”. So in general conversation i asked “what does he know?” she said “i dunno and once again i can’t check cos facebook keeps deleting it.” i wanted to scream out YOU LYING COW but i kept my cool. We are going out with a few friends tonight including him to celebrate a birthday, so as she was in the shower i checked his facebook and saw the entire conversation. (i will use S for her and H for him) S- i miss u x. H- me too x. S- when are we going to make time for each other. H- im rarely free these days. S- we need to make a day soon when both of us are not workingxxx. *delete* H- i know Then after we were both ready i went downstairs and she said that when she was talking to him they where talking about plans for tonight and how they are all going horribly wrong and that is probably what he was saying i know to. I have her red handed i’m reaching my boiling point but i must wait. I am sorry to say that am not the perfect man i’ve made myself out to be i was not the best boyfriend in the world i sometimes didn’t listen and other times was annoying as a fly buzzing in your ear. So i understand why she has done this to me but do not think that what i’ve done justifies her cheating. If i had cheated then i wouldn’t have been able to lie and we’d have split up long ago.

[Member]

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