[Anonymous]

Thanks for your input. I was considering what you had suggested. But the way I see it when we had the argument I tried to resolve it right then and there. She didn’t want to listen so I believe I did my part. I mean there has a couple instances that I took the blame to kill it but for this argument…well I can’t do it. I was having fun with her since she initiated the conversation. You would expect this from an 18yr. The sad thing about it she is 42. I believes she has a short temper. I been around her when she went off on several people just like that. She is expecting me to come running back begging. I don’t know about that this time. Can you provide me some more input? I am reasonable person…trust me. But I need to know what kind relationship tactics will work without me looking like the weak one. Last Friday was the last time we had spoke to each other.. I believe she’s trying to get my attention on a social networking website. I posted something first then she posted something on her page. I believe she did that to see if I would respond.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Okay, i guess i didnt mentioned that i knew him as a friend for 2 years and only started dating january this year. I met him online through university forums, and we just started chatting to each other frequently.I didnt plan to bring the relationship a step further. When i knew him i had a boyfriend of 4 years whom is studying to be a dentist, my feelings for this guy is so strong that i broke up with my bf. This online guy makes me feel way differantly, and hes saving to come early next year. I do realise the huge age gap , thank you very much for bringing it up. I have a lot of guys going after me in uni , and i had many boyfriends, but this guy is kind of special , and in ways, he can be more matured then my 25 year old ex-boyfriend.i just wanted to know the answers to what i asked, and if im doing the right thing, as sometimes, love can blind you.But, thanks for the advice, id take it into serious consideration.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, I appreciate the advice. The only thing is I’m not exactly sure how to [i] start [/i] flirting without it seeming weird. He jokes (oftentimes in front of his girlfriend), that he and I are having a secret affair, or that we’re gonna have kids one day. I don’t know if this is him hinting an attraction to me, or if he’s just joking around. What would you say?

[Anonymous]

Just to make things more clearer. We were on good terms prior to the disagreement. She called me and i called her back. She answered the phone jokingly(she was trying to have fun). I replied back jokingly but she thought I was making fun of what she was saying. I basically repeated what she said for example; ‘wassuup” I reply “wasssup”, remember this is just an example. I guess when I replied back she took it the wrong way. I don’t know if it was my tone or how I said it. Her reaction was way off.

[Anonymous]

oh april. I didn’t know that I was antagonising him by doing so! I was thinking that he should be comfortable to come and meet my parents, instead of feeling obliged to do so. That’s why I said ‘if you want to come, then come’. I wanted him to have an open option and not close the option for him. I didn’t know that I was adding fire to fuel… oh nooo….

[Anonymous]

gosh i’m in the same situation…26 and in a relationshop for 8 years.

i’m in the exact same boat, this is me;

1 sexual partner- sex isn’t great and im always nagging him to have sex with me (usually after a week and a bit i nag him and then its not that intimate)

The positive things in our relationship is the same as urs;
He is always willing to do anything for me
He loves me and says I mean the world to him
Hes handsome and funny, and caring
He is very trustworthy & will never try to hurt me or upset me
He is responsible and honest
Wants a family later in our relationship

the only difference is my bf is 8 years older than me and has experienced other women and being single.

you know…i love him and all…but i just dont feel important to him anymore…im just ‘routine’…he doesnt make an effort to make me feel special…i have to go out and pick my own bday present for myself which is from him….because his excuse is ‘ i dont want to buy something you dont like’.

I think i have a few more issues and maybe i should have started another post…but where do women like us go from here? I know im not the only one…

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Thanks for the advice, it really helped. But now something very sudden has happened. Yesterday she told me that she always asks herself if she likes me, but she doesn’t know because than other guys that she has already liked. I told her I’m liking her more and more, and that was that. I’m not going to ask her out now just because she said that, but I need some advice to consolidate what she’s starting to feel for me so I can hopefully date her in the future. Any advice? Can you please explain to me what’s going on in her head (or try to, anyways)?

Thanks so much,
Dexter

[Anonymous]

I had to put my two cents in because I’m in a similar sitch. I met a guy online in August of last year. We went on one really really fun date, but when, a couple days later, he asked for a second, I told him I had met someone just a couple days earlier and I wanted to pursue that. I wasn’t ok with juggling and wanted to be honest. He appreciated that and asked if we could still be friends. I agreed. We spoke, emailed and commiserated about our dates, hung out together, even got our kids together at one point. We enjoyed each others company a lot and really got along. After a few months, I broke it off with the other guy because he just wasn’t ready to have a real relationship. The next time I got together with my friend, we went completely crazy on each other. It was a wonderful night but neither one of us knew what to do. After 3 days of awkward silence we emailed back and forth about how we’re very attracted to each other, but we’re still interested in dating other people. We posed a “friends with benefits” relationship and have had that for just over 2 months now.

I am taking very good care not to allow my emotions to get the better of me. I don’t contact him at all. I let him initiate all the communication. I maintain a very easy-going, laid back attitude and he always makes the moves. I learned this by trial and error. At first, if I emailed or texted, he would take his time getting back to me. Once I realized all I needed to do was remain distant, just out of reach, it never failed.

Now he’s asking me about my other dates, contacting me quite often and I’m wondering if this whole thing might be turning his mind to wanting a more traditional dating relationship with me. My friends think it might be so, but I’m not changing my tune at all. I’m going to “stay the course” as it were and just see what happens, but April is right. The best way to get his attention is to ignore him. Crazy, but it’s true.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

thanks april for the reply. it sets me thinking again.

we talked yesterday… and he was like,”if you want me to go and meet your relatives, I’ll go”. I was like “If you want to come, you can come”. In the end, he chose not to go to my gathering. He said he would rather have a more informal gathering with my family, and that he will always be ready when I want him to meet my family. Perhaps he’s too shy this time?

[Anonymous]

Sorry about that. 😳 I tried to repost it on the Q & A board but it popped up on this board again for some reason and now I can’t erase either one of them. Maybe u can help me with that. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Well getting our own places isn’t an option though..
We also have sex when I close my business at night.. I have a mattress at the place.. but someone explained to me that it’s also not the same..
so I’m not really sure what to do? I don’t know if I should just drop the sex subject since a bed is not feasible or what to do?
Is it something worth breaking up over? when nothing else in the relationship is bad and I feeel that he reallly wants me like by the way he kisses me touches me everything?

Also, do you think it’s unhealthy to constantly be with that person? because I’m starting to feel like we need to miss each other we see each other everyday for like 6+ hours.. and I know it’s supposed to be a good thing cuz it means we don’t get sick of each toher.. But I feel like it opens the door for more stupid problems or little fights.. We haven’t fought over something in about a month and I’ve pretty much fought about EVERYTHING in the relationship and gotten my way.. he was talking to his ex and I made him change his number so she would never bother him again.. and he doesn’t see my point of view in everything but from the beginning of the relationship to now he has improved significantly in communicating with me and keeping the relationship together..
and like I said we are pretty sure that we want to marry each other but who knows what can happen in the next two years he wants to get settled first with a job and stuff..
?

[Anonymous]

I think you should just be honest with him. Tell him what you want. Tell him that you want to have sex with him. If he shys away then I think you should come right out and ask him if he is a virgin. More likely than not, if he is then he is embarrassed about it and doesn’t want to say it out loud, but if you were to ask him where as his reply would only have to be yes or no then it probably wouldn’t be so bad for him especially if you comfort him if he does admit to being a virgin. Honesty is really the best policy no matter how hard it may be to tell the truth. In the end it always gets you want.

[Anonymous]

Follow your own advice.. You ARE only 16… be 16.. and stop worrying about relationships right now.. Enjoy your life because you can’t ever go back to this point… Enjoy the freedom while you can because it doesn’t last long. Hang out with friends, go to the mall (or whatever kids do these days?) Just be yourself and everything else will come… Meet new people.. Just enjoy this moment in your life..

[Anonymous]

Okay… You want opinions.. so here is mine and you can take it for what it’s worth. If you have been with this man for over 6 years and are still with him with only a minor split, then I don’t think that you will have any problem moving in with him. I think that your fantasy about being with the guy from work is just the classic “grass is greener on the other side” theory. I also think that if you were to take a break from this relationship to see other people that it is a very good possiblility that things would not go back to the way they were and it is also a very good possiblility that you may never get to go back if things don’t work out “seeing other people” If you have a good relationship with this man, then enjoy it and put effort into it. It doesn’t really sound to me like he is thinking of other options as you are. <This next statement is a generalization and not aimed at you but I am hoping that it might give you a little insight, again do not think that what I am about to say is aimed at you personally. That being said, I think that generally people have become lazy when it comes to relationships. It is easier to move on rather than put the work forward in order to sustain it. > The idea of being with someone new is not a crime but acting on the idea when you are happy is just a matter of self destruction. Why mess things up when they seem to be going so great. Why not move in together for a while see how it goes and see how the relationship grows and if later you find out that that it is not meant to be then deal with it then. Or very simply put don’t rock the boat. Unless you know for certain now that this relationship would never work, but it seems to me that you love this guy and he loves you, so why ruin it by “taking a break.” Relationships can get boring but thats where the “work” part of the relationship comes in. Again, this is my opinion and you can take it for what it’s worth.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! This one is a litle touchy… No, you are not technically lying to him. You are however not divulging. He may see this as a lie however because when asked you didn’t spill your heart and soul. Whatever reasons that you may have had for not wanting to tell him everything about your past are your own. I often wonder what makes people so masochistic in relationships that they ask questions knowing that the ending result could possibly hurt them. Honestly, what does it matter what you did in your past, who you were with, and all the details therein. There is nothing about your past that is going to help your future relationship. Dwelling in the past can be very unhealthy and for your mate to want to linger in it can bring up some very uncomfortable memorys for you. My best suggestion would be to simply reply, “Does it really matter?” or “I don’t really remember/ I don’t really want to think about that” Or just come right out and tell him that what you did before you met him is really none of his concern and if he cares about you in any way it would best for him to put his focus and energy on your future rather that live in your past.

[Member]

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