[Anonymous]

I would break up with her. if she has these feelings for the other guy and is talking about an open relationship and you are not down for that, I don’t understand her rational, I would say its over. If she is willing to bring this up then my belief is that she would cheat on you. It’s best to leave on good terms.

[Anonymous]

You weren’t strong enough. You should have taken yourself out of the situation and realized if someone keeps asking and is your bf and you have had a conversation about how you are not interested in sex until marriage then he was not the right person for you. He did not have the same beliefs. If you believed in it so strongly you should have removed yourself. Both parties were at fault. You are responsible for your actions. Just don’t get yourself into that situation. and if you don’t want sex but still have the urges get a vibrator to take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the previous post. If you plan on keeping the baby you need to start making plans on raising it on your own. I doubt he will come back. It sounds like he tried making it work and his feelings didn’t change. I would let him be, give him time and he will call you. You can always extend an olive branch and ask him to doctors appointments and things of that nature. Keep a good relationship with him so he can be part of the babies life.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. You probably need to bring it up again and ask him straight out. It’s not fair for you to want something more and he is not willing to give it to you. Maybe he felt the questions was stupid, that he was satisfied. Maybe he was calling himself stupid. You will never know unless you ask him. You usually know during the 2nd to 3rd year in a relationship if you want to be with that person forever. Good luck and talk to him again about this even if he tries blowing you off. If he blows you off then something is wrong. He should be willing to discuss this.

[Anonymous]

You should be honest with her. She will cry and fell like it was her but try to reassure her its not. it maybe that since your not seeing each other as much and you are not use to being on your own it has changed your feels. If you were to see he 3 times a week do you think your feels would change? Do you feel like your friends instead?

[Anonymous]

April, I love your straight forward advice. It may be somewhat hard to digest and somewhat harsh at times, but in the end you always know the right thing to say. Thank You for the clarity, it was with me all the while, I just needed someone who wasn’t going to be biased to give me the advice that I needed. Oh, by the way he’s gone until August 🙁 Hopefully I can be able to keep up with your advice. Wish me luck!! 🙂

[Anonymous]

Well, I don’t know her or else I would know what to say in this instance.
But from my experience with my ex-boyfriend,(we broke up for different reasons. it just wasn’t going to work) Once in awhile I’ll get lonely because I haven’t found someone who genuinely seems to care about me so I’ll call him. A couple of times I’ve called him and hung up before he answered just to see what his reaction was.
It’s possible that she’s wanting to initiate a conversation with you or see what your reaction is by her texting you. It’s possible she misses the attention she had from you and despite the stress in her life, she’s probably lonely and wants to know that you possibly still care for her.
I don’t know though, because I don’t know the situation fully but I know that’s the reason I call my ex.
Hope that helped. 🙂

[Anonymous]

omg i feel relieved thank you so much, i got mad and he told me what happened apparently she had instant messaged him saying all this stuff and he said bye she said wait r u staying for the game and he said he might if his gf did and she said ok im staying if she dont and we can go behind the stairs and i will give u a bj and he said no and she said oh my boobs have gotten bigger want a pic and all this stuff and he said no he wouldnt do that to me but now i am mad cuz this isnt the first time she has offered him sexual stuff that i wont give him and since shes his ex she has given it to him before(he is still a virgin, its just like head which i think was a big deal that it happened once and almost broke up with him when i found out)

[Anonymous]

I see what you mean. I would say he isn’t a lost cause.
If you both feel such a strong connection together, just wait it out and use your instincts.
Maybe he hasn’t felt this way for a girl before either and doesn’t know how to react to this feeling
which causes him to act that way. Just hang in there and trust your gut on him to see what is
really going on. Ask him about it. See what he is truly feeling. I wish you the best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, my feelings exactly. I just don’t understand why I would still care, of course the picture in my mind is that 22 year old. You have helped me clarify and remove the haze.

[Anonymous]

wow you should have your answer riht there. he cheated on you plenty of times and you are still curious? you are never going to be able to trust him. how could he cheat on you that many times and you still took him back!n after the first time it shouldnt have ever happened ag ain!

[Anonymous]

update; today we spent all day txting each other, talking about my revelation. I apologized to her about how i was acting, and explained to her everything i have been feeling and thinking… about how it was my actions, pressure and fast pace that made her pull away. How i realize now why she was being cold and distant, my insecurity with relationship, and how i thought of my needs and ignored hers in the process… the conversation was very warm and constructive, like any couple working through a problem. she shared her input, thoughts and admitted to her faults that contributed to our break up and all that good stuff…it was great! i wrapped up tonight by promising her that i intend to work through all this mess in my head , get rid of it and try to deal with underlying issues that might be causing them. she offered to help me work through it too… wonderful, at this point i was hopeful in that she is willing to come back to me shortly n was happy. i told her how much she means to me and that i need her in my life!
She proceeded to tell me how i should think of our “friendship” only now and not our getting back together, to take a day at a time and that she doesn’t see us together right now… n that bs. burst my bubble and brought back my frustration! 😐

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much April.

No one has EVER explained it that way to me. Most people say, you need to leave because he will never love you the way he loved her, etc. We have not even dated for a year yet and he does treat me really well. He makes me feel like a princess and really I get whatever I want. I just know in the past, he has made mistakes at a very young age. He was with his wife since he was 16. So I worry about him cheating, but dont most women do? I think also its because my x cheated on me a lot when we were married, so sometimes I hold my past with me.

Do you think its appropriate for me to move into the house that they shared? Apart of me wants to move in with him and the kids in the next 6 months but then the other part of me tells me to wait another year until we buy our own home together. What are your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for your advice 🙂 You are correct. I have the answers, I just needed to sort it all out somehow. But now I have bigger fish to fry and would love to have your assistance in doing so.

Last night, through a conversation about income taxes, I found out that my boyfriend is NOT divorced yet. The paperwork is filed, but it isn’t official yet. HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THAT??? I am so disappointed in myself. Seeing (especially being intimate) with a man that is still legally married is WAY against my morals. I am so sick to my stomach today. I had the conversation early on in the relationship and don’t remember exactly what was said, but I was sure he was already divorced! Here I am, madly in love (for the first time EVER in my 33 yrs), and he’s still married. I am so upset. I feel like such an idiot.

I spoke with him about it last night. He assured me that the paperwork was filed and that it shouldn’t be much longer. He told me he would call his lawyer and see about it ASAP. He also, of course, told me that he didn’t want to be married to her. Cause I sure did ask! The biggest issue is that his wife filed her taxes as being married. I don’t understand why she would do that. As far as I know they do not communicate. A lot of her stuff is still at the house (but put away). Her mail still goes there sometimes ( and he sends it to her mothers). They split up about 18 months ago. I am smart enough to know that an uncontested divorce doesn’t take that long. Does it?

How do I handle this? I feel like I’m seriously going to hell for this. If my friends and family knew, especailly my daughter (who is 11), they would be so disappointed in me. I know this sort of thing happens all the time, but this time it’s me, and I put myself in this position. I am in love with this guy. It’s real, and healthy, and everything is good between us. Now I don’t even want to think about a future with him until I know he is legally divorced. I don’t know how to proceed. I am totally froze right now. Please help 🙁

[Anonymous]

Hey Jenlee, thanks I’m really taking some time to rethink this situation, I know at this point I am unhappy and its probably not going to get any better between me and him and trying to make it work isn’t working. So, again thanks for your feed back I appreciate it.

[Member]

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