[Sally]

What’s happening isn’t that you’re b*tchy. It’s that you feel unseen and taken for granted, and that turns into anger when it sits too long. Anyone working full time, helping with the house, and carrying the mental load would feel the same way.

You can’t fix this by just being nicer. You’ve already tried that. What’s missing is a real conversation about roles, money, and appreciation, not chores. If he’s staying home, that needs to come with responsibility, not just presence. And refusing to be involved in finances while spending freely is not okay. That’s not partnership.

Pick a calm moment and tell him exactly this: you’re exhausted, you feel disrespected, and you’re starting to resent him and you don’t want to live like that. Not as an attack, but as truth.
And one more thing stop waiting for credit silently. Say out loud what you’re carrying. If he still doesn’t step up, that tells you something important you shouldn’t ignore.

[Sally]

He does have feelings for you. You’re not imagining that. His actions show attachment, comfort, and care. He likes seeing you, talking to you, lying with you, and keeping you in his life. That part is real.

But and this is the part that matters most he is also being very clear about his limit. When he said “I don’t want a girlfriend,” believe that. It doesn’t cancel out his feelings. It just means he wants the connection without the responsibility, commitment, or expectations that come with being your boyfriend.

Sleeping on the couch after sex, pulling back after intimacy, and acting strange afterward are signs of emotional conflict, not love moving forward. He enjoys you, but he’s protecting his freedom.

He’s not using you only for sex. But he is benefiting from closeness on his terms. And that usually ends up hurting the person who wants more.
The real question isn’t what he feels. It’s whether what he’s offering is enough for you.

[Sally]

What you’re feeling isn’t crazy, but it is bigger than the situation right now. A lot of this spark is coming from mystery, timing, and the fact that he’s unavailable. That can light someone up fast, especially when you’re rebuilding your life and finally letting yourself feel seen again. It doesn’t mean it’s fake it just means it’s amplified.
Here’s the hard part. He has a girlfriend. Even if there’s a connection, even if the energy feels electric, that line matters. Telling him how you feel while he’s with someone else won’t bring relief. It’ll likely bring embarrassment, guilt, or more confusion.

Right now, the strongest thing you can do is nothing. Eat. Sleep. Pull your focus back to yourself. Let the feeling settle instead of feeding it. If he ever becomes truly single and still shows interest, you can speak then calmly, without pouring your whole heart out.
Intensity doesn’t always mean destiny. Sometimes it just means timing and chemistry collided. Protect your heart. You don’t lose power by waiting.

[Sally]

She didn’t have to tell you to add her. She didn’t have to invite you to her house party either. People don’t do that with someone they feel nothing toward. At the very least, she’s open and curious about you. That’s a good start.

Don’t overthink the first message. Keep it light and normal. Something like saying hey, nice meeting you the other night, glad you invited me to the party. That’s it. You’re just reopening the door, not giving a speech.

Avoid compliments right away and don’t jump into flirting hard. Let it feel easy, like you’re continuing a conversation, not auditioning.
If she replies and keeps it going, you’re good. If she doesn’t, you didn’t do anything wrong — you just tested the water.
Confidence here is calm, not pushy.

[Sally]

You’re not selfish. You’re scared and that makes sense. He’s asking to walk away from a secure, high-paying job and put the long-term weight of stability on your shoulders without a clear plan. That’s not a small lifestyle tweak. That’s a life rewrite. Anyone would feel stressed and resentful.

What worries me most isn’t just the money. It’s that when you express your fear, he labels it as selfish instead of hearing you. That shuts down real conversation and leaves you carrying the anxiety alone.

Loving someone doesn’t mean agreeing to something that makes you feel trapped or unsafe. You’re allowed to say: I’m not comfortable with this. I didn’t sign up to be the sole provider forever.
This isn’t about winning an argument. It’s about whether your partnership feels fair and respectful. Don’t ignore that resentment it’s telling you something important.

[Sally]

Two weeks ago she felt close and warm, and now she feels distant and cold. That whiplash messes with your head. It doesn’t mean she lied about her feelings. It means everything around her blew up at once, and she doesn’t know where to put any of it.

When someone says they need space, the best move is to actually give it. Not half-space. Not space with reminders. Real space. One calm message saying you care and you’re here, then you step back. No Valentine’s gesture. That would just add pressure, even if your heart’s in the right place.

Her feelings probably didn’t vanish. They’re just buried under shock and confusion. Let her breathe. If there’s something real here, space won’t kill it. Chasing might.
And protect yourself too. You matter in this, not just the timing.

[Sally]

Six years is a long time to stay in something that never fully chose you. I believe he cares about you. I even believe he loves you in his own way. But love that keeps you waiting, explaining, and shrinking your needs isn’t the kind that builds a life. He’s been saying the same thing for years, and that’s not fear talking anymore. That’s a decision.

You weren’t wrong for wanting marriage, kids, or commitment. Those aren’t pressure. Those are normal wants. And it’s not fair that you were staying emotionally loyal while he kept his options open. That slowly eats at you, even if you don’t notice it at first.

Being “friends” when your heart wants more usually just keeps the wound open. Stepping back wasn’t punishment. It was self-respect.
Losing him as your

[Sally]

First, there is nothing wrong with you for still loving him. That part is human. You bonded very young, during years when everything feels intense and permanent. That kind of love doesn’t shut off just because someone hurts you. So please stop telling yourself you’re broken for that. You’re not.
But there is something very important you need to face. You and him are not safe together. Not emotionally, and not physically. You hit him. That’s not okay, and you already know that. But what matters more is why it happened. You were scared, jealous, powerless, and desperate to not lose him. Those feelings don’t disappear just because you love someone harder. They come back stronger.

He didn’t turn into a monster because of you. He made his own choices. Cheating, lying, drugs, humiliating you, blaming you. That’s not the gentle person you remember, and you cannot save him or remind him back into being that person. Love doesn’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be honest.
Wanting to still be with him doesn’t mean you should. Sometimes love stays even when the relationship has already died.

Right now, the most dangerous thing is how much pain you’re carrying alone. You mentioned being suicidal before. That matters. If you feel like you might hurt yourself, please reach out now. If you’re in the U.S., call or text 988. If not, tell me where you are and I’ll find help near you. This isn’t about weakness. It’s about keeping you alive.

You don’t need to decide anything today. Not about him. Not about the future. Just focus on getting through this hour. Eat something small. Drink water. Breathe.
I’m here with you. And I care about you, not about saving him.

[Sally]

What you’re feeling makes sense. Anyone who found what you found would feel shaken, angry, sad, and unsure of themselves. The hardest part isn’t just what he did. It’s that every time you try to talk about it, he flips it on you and makes you the problem. That messes with your head over time.

You stayed years ago because you loved him and hoped it wouldn’t happen again. That wasn’t weak. That was you trying to protect your family. But now you’re seeing a pattern, not a mistake. Dating sites. His ex. Lies. And then anger when you ask for honesty. That’s why you can’t trust him. Your body knows something isn’t right.
Love doesn’t erase repeated betrayal. And snooping didn’t create this situation. It only uncovered it.

You’re exhausted because you’ve been carrying this alone. Please don’t tell yourself you’re overreacting. You’re reacting to years of broken trust.
You deserve peace, not constant doubt. And you don’t have to decide everything today. Just know this: your feelings are valid, and you’re not wrong for wanting honesty and safety in your own marriage.

[Sally]

Nothing about her actions feels stable or honest. Staying with an ex, sleeping with you while seeing other people, moving with no plan, and now a pregnancy with no clarity… that’s chaos. And chaos pulls in people who care, because caring people try to fix things.

Right now, do not move. Do not send money. Do not promise anything big. If she’s pregnant and says it’s yours, the only next step is a paternity test. That’s not cruel. That’s responsible. Anyone who gets angry about that is avoiding the truth.

You loving her isn’t the problem. Letting love override reality is. Love shouldn’t leave you guessing, anxious, or feeling used.
Slow this way down. Protect yourself. If it’s real, it can survive clarity. If it isn’t, distance will save you.

[Sally]

He liked you. You don’t hold hands, kiss, and spend whole nights together if there’s nothing there. But he also clearly still has feelings tied up with that other girl, and New Year’s probably brought all of that to the surface. When people feel pulled in two directions, they don’t act clean or brave. They pull away instead.

What he said that night hurt, and it mattered. Even if alcohol and timing played a role, it showed he’s not fully available right now. Him looking at you but not talking to you says he’s conflicted, not that you did something wrong.
Don’t chase him, but don’t freeze either. Just pull back a little. Let him come to you. If he does, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, that’s your answer too, even if it’s not the one you want.
You’re not needy. You’re just human.

[Sally]

You don’t actually know what his father told him, and there’s no real way to know. It’s very possible his dad mentioned seeing you. It’s also very possible it meant nothing at all. Same with Facebook. Parents talk. Sometimes casually, sometimes not at all. Trying to decode that will only make you spiral.

What does matter is this part: you reached out kindly and clearly, and it’s been two weeks with no response. A pending request isn’t a yes. It’s just silence. And silence is information, even when it hurts.

That doesn’t mean you weren’t important back then. It just means he’s not stepping forward now. He could be busy, dating someone, or just not interested enough to reopen something from years ago.
I wouldn’t send another message. You didn’t do anything wrong. You showed interest. That took courage. Let this rest. If he wants to reconnect, he knows exactly where to find you.

[Sally]

you already told him how this makes you feel, more than once, and nothing really changed. That matters. This isn’t about a computer or games. It’s about you driving 50 miles, showing up emotionally, and still feeling like you’re waiting your turn behind a screen. Anyone would feel hurt by that.

Personal time is important, sure. But when you only see each other on weekends, disappearing for long stretches, not helping in the morning, leaving you alone after sex, or not answering the door when you’re upset… that’s not balance. That’s you adjusting while he stays comfortable.

The lack of affection outside of sex is another big red flag. Feeling wanted only when it leads somewhere physical slowly chips away at your self-worth. That’s not how feeling loved should feel.
Moving in won’t fix this. It usually makes it louder.
You’re not needy. You’re lonely with someone. And that’s worse than being alone.

[Sally]

What it sounds like to me is that she genuinely likes you and feels safe with you, but she hasn’t decided she wants more. She enjoys the closeness, the rides home, the long shopping trips, the easy talking. That’s real. People don’t give that kind of time and energy to someone they don’t care about. But caring and choosing are two different things.

The mixed signals aren’t an accident. She talks about marriage, tells you about other men, asks about your dating life, and describes a dream man who doesn’t really match you. That’s her keeping you in a safe middle space. Close enough to feel connected, far enough that she doesn’t have to commit or risk anything before her move.
I don’t think she’s trying to hurt you. I think she likes the emotional intimacy without having to define it. But that’s where it gets hard for you. Because staying quiet protects the friendship, but it also keeps you stuck.

At some point, you’ll need to decide what’s worse: risking the friendship with honesty, or slowly liking her more while nothing changes. Neither choice is wrong. Just don’t ignore your own feelings to keep the peace forever.

[Sally]

This guy is cheating. Over and over. And then lying, flipping things, and pulling you back in when you try to leave. None of that is love, even if he says the word a lot.
Someone who loves you doesn’t keep secret photos with exes, doesn’t message other girls, doesn’t deny you exist, and doesn’t keep doing the same thing after you forgive them. The fake account didn’t create this problem. It just showed you what was already there.

The reason you keep giving in when he calls isn’t because you’re weak. It’s because you’re attached and hopeful, and he knows exactly how to pull on that. That’s why he won’t stop calling. He wants access, not commitment.

Here’s the hard truth: he will not change while he still has you. Every time you go back, he learns he can do whatever he wants and still keep you.
The only way this stops hurting is if you stop answering. Block him if you have to. Ask a friend to help hold you to it. Cry, be sad, miss him all of that is normal. But staying will keep breaking you.

You’re 17. This is not the love story you’re meant to carry into adulthood. One day you’ll look back and be so glad you walked away now, not later.
You deserve peace. Not this constant ache.

[Member]

Posts