[Sally]

This isn’t a casual relationship. This is you caring and hoping, and him showing up only when he’s drunk, lonely, or stuck. Casual is honest. Casual is two people knowing exactly what it is. What you’re in right now is confusion with a side of chemistry and he gets all the benefits while you carry all the feelings.

Those “I love you’s”? If he meant them, they wouldn’t only show up in the dark after beers. And the way he ignores you, then wants attention, then disappears again… that’s not a man trying to build anything. That’s a man trying to keep something easy around.

You’re not screwed up. You’re just tired of being half-chosen.
And yes, you can confront him but don’t expect a different answer than the one he’s already showing you. Protect your heart. You deserve someone sober and steady, not someone who calls only when he’s cornered.

[Sally]

You’ve stepped into a real family role, and it hurts to feel like your voice doesn’t matter in decisions that big. Wanting to protect a kid and wanting to feel respected as her partner isn’t being insecure it’s being human.

But here’s the harder truth: this trip isn’t really about the ex. It’s about her history, her friendships, and the people who cared for her daughter before you came in. That doesn’t make it easier, but it does mean it isn’t automatically a threat.

What matters most is this: she made plans after you said you were uncomfortable. That’s the part you two need to talk about, calmly, without blaming. Not the trip the feeling of being shut out.

If you’re going to be a family, decisions like this have to include you. Otherwise the resentment just grows quiet and heavy.

[Sally]

You sound tired from carrying the whole relationship on your own shoulders. It’s lovely that he’s good with your kids and devoted, but devotion doesn’t replace partnership. You’re doing the emotional work, the money work, the house work and he’s just settling into the space you make for him.

And the affection thing… that’s not small. When you’re naturally loving and the person you’re with shuts down or pulls away, it chips at you. Especially when he goes to sleep instead of talking. That’s the part that would break me.

Relationships can work with different styles, but not when one person keeps swallowing their needs to keep the peace.

You don’t need to “get over” this low period. You need a real conversation about what you need to feel supported. And if he can’t meet you halfway, that’s your clarity not your failure.

[Sally]

You’re carrying both of your emotions, and that’s why you feel torn in half. Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to shrink your own needs just to keep them calm. And the way he reacts the guilt, the pressure, the “if you loved me, you’d do this” that isn’t romance. That’s fear dressed up as love.

You’re 18. You’re supposed to still be growing, still figuring out who you are. He’s asking you to settle into his pace before you’ve even learned your own.
And honestly? Wanting to leave and wanting to stay at the same time… that’s your heart trying to tell you something. It’s not that you’re a bad person you’re just drowning in a relationship that gives you tiny highs and huge lows.

The part of you that wants space isn’t wrong. Listen to her. She’s the one trying to protect your future.

[Sally]

I know it’s hard to hear this, but she’s already stepped out of the relationship. Not because you weren’t good to her, but because she’s drowning in her own stuff and can’t carry a boyfriend on top of it. When someone says they don’t want to see you, don’t miss you, don’t feel worthwhile… they’re telling the truth of where they are.
And calling her twice, especially the frustrated voicemail that probably pushed her further away. Not out of anger, just overwhelm.

Right now, she needs space more than she needs anything from you. And you need some peace, too. Stop chasing. Don’t call for the birthday. Keep the necklace for now. Let the silence settle.

If she ever wants to come back, she’ll reach out clearly. But holding on this tight is only breaking your heart in slow motion.
Give both of you room to breathe.

[Sally]

It messes with your head when you’re trying to be all-in and you catch something that feels way too familiar. And honestly, the sneaking around doesn’t feel great on either side you checking her phone, her talking to her ex. It usually means the trust never really had time to settle.

I don’t think you’re “too insecure to love.” I think you jumped from one heartbreak into another before your feet were steady. I’ve done that, and everything felt louder than it should’ve.

If you want this to work, you’ve got to tell her what you saw and how it hit you. Not to fight just to breathe some truth into the mess. And if that feels too heavy already… that’s its own answer.

You don’t have to rush it. Just be honest, even if it’s uncomfortable.

[Sally]

It’s wild how one person can feel like calm water and the other feels like lightning. That spark with Kyle probably hooked in deep because it came from your younger self — all that first-love intensity that never really got a clean ending.

But here’s the part that’s hard to admit: sparks don’t mean stability. They just mean familiar chaos. And sometimes we mistake that for fate.

Steve sounds good for you, but if you’re thinking about Kyle every time you look at him, that’s not fair to either of you. And going back to Kyle without real proof he’s actually grown is just pressing replay on the same heartbreak.

Take a breath. Sit with your own feelings before you choose either guy. If everything feels tangled, it usually means you’re not ready to pick yet.

[Sally]

It’s not just the looking it’s that little jolt inside you that says you’re not enough, even though you know you are. I’ve been with a man who did that… the quick glance, the pretend-it-didn’t-happen, the checking to see if I caught him. It wears you down in these small, quiet ways.

And you’re right it’s not about human nature. It’s about respect. It’s about him knowing what this does to you and still slipping back into the habit.

You’re not wrong for wanting to feel safe sitting across a dinner table with the person who says he loves you. You’re also not wrong for feeling shaken.

If it were me, I’d tell him again, calmly, that this is changing the way you see the relationship. And then I’d watch what he does next not what he says.

[Sally]

Six years in, you just want to feel like your partner chooses you sometimes. Wanting to leave at 11 isn’t wild that’s a long day, and it’s not your wedding. What made it messy was everyone piling on and acting like you were supposed to stay out till sunrise for a woman you barely know.

But here’s the thing: she felt torn. You felt dismissed. And neither of you slowed down long enough to say that out loud.

I don’t think you were unreasonable. I also don’t think she meant to hurt you. It just sounds like both of you hit a limit and reacted instead of talking.

If you want a future with her, you’ve got to sit down and tell her how that night made you feel without blaming. Then listen to how it felt for her. Start there.

[Sally]

It’s like you were trying so hard to hold things together that you didn’t notice he was falling apart on his own. I’ve done that trying to love someone back into feeling okay, thinking if I just show up enough, they won’t slip away. But when someone is drowning in their own life, they can’t grab your hand, no matter how much they care.

I don’t think you ruined anything. I just think he wasn’t in a place to be anybody’s partner, and you kept reaching for someone who couldn’t reach back.

Right now, the only thing you can do is step back and let his life settle. Give him the space he was asking for, even though it hurts. If he comes back, it’ll be because he chose to not because you pushed. And that’s the only way it ever works.

[Sally]

I know that kind of love the late-night calls, the nicknames, the feeling like you’re almost together even though you’re not. It makes everything confusing.
But here’s the thing: he told you who he is right now. He didn’t stay faithful even while telling you he loved you. And him saying he’d cheat if it were official… that’s not love that knows how to show up. That’s love that stays in fantasy because reality would require him to grow up.

I’m not saying he never cared. I’m saying he hasn’t earned the kind of trust you’re giving him.

If you move to Austin, let your life get bigger than this story. If he wants to be with you someday, he has to meet you as an actual partner not a maybe.

[Sally]

That’s not small stuff you’re noticing. It’s the kind of closeness that makes you stop and think, “Why am I the one feeling like the outsider here?” And honestly, none of what you described feels normal between someone and their sister’s husband especially when there’s abuse in the picture. It’s messy, and you’re the one left trying to make sense of it.

What really sticks out is how you keep trying to explain your feelings gently, and she keeps brushing past them. That’s the part that would worry me the most.

You’re not over-reacting. You’re reacting like someone who wants to matter in the relationship. If she can’t see that, or won’t slow down long enough to hear you, that’s something you need to pay attention to.

Just be honest with yourself about how this makes you feel that’s where the truth usually is.

[Sally]

Fourteen is an age where everything hits deep, and when someone older pays attention especially a teacher you respect it can feel like love. But it’s not love in the grown-up sense. It’s more like admiration mixed with the comfort he gives you in class. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It just doesn’t mean what it feels like it means.

What matters most is this: it can’t go anywhere, and it shouldn’t. Not because you’re wrong, but because you deserve a love that’s safe and equal. A teacher can’t give you that, no matter how kind he is.

You don’t have to tell the whole world, but talking to one trusted adult maybe a counselor might help you breathe again. And you don’t need to stop talking to him in class; just keep it school-appropriate and let the feelings fade on their own. They will.

[Sally]

It feels harmless until you realize you’re checking their page more than you’re living your own life. So honestly? Deleting him was the healthiest thing you’ve done so far.
And no, you didn’t do anything wrong. If he wanted to keep getting to know you, he would’ve. That silence was your answer, even though it hurt like hell.

I don’t think you should add him again. Not because it’s dramatic, but because you’re finally giving your heart a little breathing room. If he notices, he notices. But don’t build your hope around that.

Sometimes removing someone is the only way to stop imagining a story they already walked out of. It gets easier, slowly.

[Sally]

Nothing about your marriage sounds loving or safe. When a man controls the money, cheats, and keeps you scared to breathe wrong that’s not a life, it’s survival. And staying because you don’t want to hurt him? That’s the kind heart in you talking, not the truth of the situation.

But the guy from Xbox slow down there. I’m not saying he’s bad. I’m just saying he feels like hope right now, and hope can make anybody look perfect. Don’t jump from one man to another. Get steady on your own feet first.

If you know the marriage is over, it’s okay to leave for you, not for someone waiting in the wings. You deserve a life that isn’t built on fear. Start there. The rest can come later, when you’re free and thinking clearly.

[Author]

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