[Sally]

Loving someone and knowing you want a future, but feeling blocked by family… that’s painful in a quiet, constant way.
Here’s the honest part. In situations like this, love alone isn’t always enough. Her parents’ opposition isn’t something you can force away, no matter how good your intentions are.

What matters most right now is what she is willing and able to do. Not what she hopes will change someday, but what she’s ready to stand up for today.
Talk to her calmly and clearly. Ask her where she stands if her parents never agree. Would she choose you anyway, or would that be too much for her? There’s no wrong answer, but you deserve the truth.

Be patient, but don’t put your life on pause forever. Love should feel steady, not like waiting in fear. Take care of your heart while you figure this out together.

[Sally]

It sounds like he cares about you, but he’s also very comfortable. His house, his routines, his control. Asking you to basically live there without actually living there puts all the inconvenience on you, not him. Of course resentment is creeping in. Anyone would feel that.

Him saying “let’s go home” and using “your bathroom” might mean he’s getting used to you there, but getting used to something isn’t the same as choosing it. Right now, he gets companionship without having to fully commit or change his life much.

The bigger question isn’t when he’ll be ready. It’s how long you’re willing to live in limbo. Ten months is enough time to have a real, honest talk. Not hinting. Not hoping. Just asking what his timeline actually looks like.
You deserve a place to land, not a suitcase life. And it’s okay to say that out loud.

[Sally]

This is brutal, especially while you’re pregnant. None of this is okay, and none of it is because of how you look or who you are.
What’s happening here looks like panic mixed with avoidance. He talked big about the future, about marriage and a baby, and then reality showed up. Instead of stepping up, he ran. Some people do that when responsibility hits. They flip the script, rewrite history, and say cruel things so they don’t have to face their own fear or guilt.

The way he’s acting isn’t confusion. It’s cowardice. Changing his number, lying, insulting you, hiding you from other women that’s someone trying to escape, not someone telling the truth.

Please hear this clearly: you didn’t cause this. You didn’t change. He did.
Right now, focus on protecting yourself and your baby. Lean on family. Get legal advice if you can. And stop looking to him for answers he’s not capable of giving. I know it hurts like hell. But his behavior says everything about him not you.

[Sally]

This is more common than people admit, especially when you’re both new to sex. You’re not broken, and neither is she.
Pain usually means her body isn’t relaxed yet. Nerves, fear, pressure, and rushing all make things tighten up. The more you both worry about “making it work,” the harder it gets. Slow way down. Take penetration off the table for a bit. Focus on touching, kissing, being close, and helping her feel safe and calm with you.

Use plenty of lubricant. Way more than you think you need. Let her control the pace completely. If it hurts, stop. No pushing through pain.
If it keeps hurting after time and patience, she should see a doctor. That’s not embarrassing. It’s smart.
The biggest thing is this: don’t let sex turn into stress. Intimacy grows when pressure disappears.

[Sally]

Being newly married and already this drained hurts in a deep place. You didn’t imagine this. Constant negativity and weekly blowups wear a person down, even when love is still there. Especially when you’ve been the strong one for so long.

What stands out is that you’re doing all the holding. The support, the patience, the understanding. And he keeps saying he’ll change, but nothing actually changes. After a while, words stop meaning much.

Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to live in chaos with them. Wanting peace doesn’t mean you’re giving up on love.
I won’t tell you what to do. But I will say this: pay attention to how tired you are. That kind of tired is trying to tell you something important.

[Sally]

When someone says they like things how they are, believe them. Especially after two years. “I can’t predict the future” sounds gentle, but what it usually means is I don’t want this to change. And that hurts when you’re quietly hoping for more.

You’re not asking for too much. Wanting to build a life together isn’t needy or dramatic. But you can’t talk someone into wanting the same future you do.
The sleepless nights are your body telling you something isn’t sitting right. Love isn’t supposed to keep you stuck in limbo.

I’m not going to tell you to leave. But I will say this: if staying means shrinking your needs, that cost adds up. And you deserve a relationship that feels steady, not uncertain.

[Sally]

That kind of attention can feel really intense, especially when it comes in pieces and then disappears.
Here’s the hard truth, said gently. He told you what he wanted early on. He likes you, he enjoys you, but he’s not looking to build something. The age gap matters here, not because it’s wrong, but because he’s already living the life he chose. Moving cities, keeping things light, not getting attached. That’s not accidental.

The affection you felt was real in the moment, but it doesn’t automatically mean intention. Some people are warm and present without wanting more. That’s confusing, especially when you’re catching feelings.

You’re not wrong for wanting more. But chasing someone who stays distant will slowly wear you down. If you keep going, do it knowing it may never turn serious. And if that already hurts, it’s okay to step back. Protecting your heart isn’t weakness. It’s just honesty.

[Sally]

What went wrong isn’t that you agreed to a threesome. It’s that there were no clear limits, and once things shifted, you froze instead of speaking up. That happens when you’re shocked. It doesn’t mean you failed.

You weren’t wrong for not stopping it in the moment. You were trying to hold it together. But your feelings are still real, and they matter just as much as hers.
The hardest part is realizing she crossed lines she’s always drawn with you. That hurts deep, and it deserves an honest talk, not blame, just truth.

Don’t swallow this. Sit with her, tell her exactly how it felt, and listen too. If you can’t talk about it safely, it’ll rot. And yeah, couples counseling could really help here.

[Sally]

Someone from the past shows back up and suddenly everything feels loud again, even if you were doing okay.
What stands out to me is that you’re fresh out of a long marriage and still figuring out who you are now. That alone can make old feelings feel bigger than they really are. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong, just amplified.

The new guy sounds steady and kind. Six weeks in, it’s normal to still be sorting things out, especially after everything you’ve been through. You don’t have to have clarity yet.
As for the church guy, it’s okay to notice the feelings without acting fast. Coffee isn’t a promise, but don’t confuse curiosity or unfinished emotions with a sign.
Sometimes people come back just to remind us of a chapter we’ve already closed. Take your time. You don’t owe anyone a rush.

[Sally]

This kind of stuff sneaks up on you when you’ve been together a long time and you care a lot. You don’t sound mean to me, just frustrated and tired, and that happens when little things pile up. But I’ve learned that tone matters more than intent.

Even small words can land sharp when someone already feels tense. Slowing down before you speak sounds simple, but it’s hard and it takes practice. A few seconds can change the whole moment. Saying it softer doesn’t mean you’re wrong, it just keeps things from blowing up.

eeing a counselor isn’t a bad sign either. It doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes it just helps you catch yourself before the snap comes out. If you talk to him honestly and show you’re really trying, that effort counts more than being perfect.

[Sally]

What happened here isn’t that he suddenly stopped caring. It’s that he’s overwhelmed and doesn’t have emotional capacity right now. When you needed support, he couldn’t show up, and that hurt. When you questioned the relationship, he went straight to distance because that’s the only thing he can manage at the moment.
Your lighter response helped because it removed pressure. That doesn’t mean the issue is solved it just means you stepped out of panic mode.

Right now, the best move is to actually let the break be a break. Not a test. Not a strategy. Give him space and give yourself space too. Stop chasing clarity through texts.
When work eases and you reconnect, you’ll see whether he moves toward you or keeps you at arm’s length. That will tell you more than any conversation right now.

[Sally]

She does like you. That part is pretty clear. The smiling, the personal questions, the Netflix and chill comment, talking about you to friends that’s interest. But she’s also inconsistent and not being straight with you, and that’s the bigger issue.

It sounds like she either has a boyfriend she’s unsure about, or she likes the attention and doesn’t want to fully own either situation. When you confronted her, she got embarrassed and defensive, and now she’s avoiding you to save face. That explains the staring-but-running thing.

Here’s the real talk: attraction without honesty turns into drama fast. If you ask her directly right now, you’ll probably just get more mixed signals.
My advice? Pull back. Be polite, calm, not chasing. If she actually wants something real, she’ll come clean and step toward you. If not, you just dodged a headache early.

[Sally]

You didn’t do anything wrong by saying I love you. You weren’t being dramatic or naive you were being honest and affectionate. That’s not a flaw. The problem isn’t that he hasn’t said it back yet. The problem is that now he keeps saying it accidentally, then taking it back. That messes with your heart in a real way.

Getting yourself to accept “he’s not ready” took emotional work. Hearing the words even by accident rips that wound back open every time. Of course it feels like a punch. Your brain hears hope, then immediately has to shut it down again.

You don’t need to stop being loving. But you do need to protect yourself. It’s okay to tell him calmly that when he says it and apologizes, it hurts you more than if he just didn’t say it at all. Not to pressure him just to be honest.
Love shouldn’t feel like whiplash. And you’re allowed to need emotional safety, even this early.

[Sally]

What you’re really wanting isn’t an argument or a fight. You want acknowledgment. You want her to say, yeah, I didn’t show up for you the way I said I would. And it hurts because you were serious, invested, and you tried. That’s human.

People who don’t apologize in relationships usually don’t suddenly learn how after the relationship ends. If she couldn’t hear your needs when you were together, she’s even less likely to hear them now. Waiting for that apology might keep you emotionally tied to something that’s already done.

Trying to be friends while holding unspoken resentment is almost impossible. It’ll leak out eventually. So you have to decide what matters more: keeping a surface-level friendship, or giving yourself peace.

Honestly, it sounds like you weren’t compatible long-term. Not because either of you was bad, but because you needed mutual effort and accountability, and she operated from logic and self-protection. That gap doesn’t close with time.

You don’t have to bury your feelings, but you may need to accept you won’t get closure from her. Sometimes closure is just seeing the truth clearly and letting go.

[Sally]

What I’m hearing isn’t that she suddenly stopped caring. It sounds like grief and fear collided at the same time. She’s lost people she loved in traumatic ways, and now another loss in her family brought all of that back up. When that happens, some people shut down emotionally as a way to protect themselves. The back-and-forth explanations you got

never loved you, not in love, fell out of love don’t sound settled. They sound like someone trying to find words for something they don’t fully understand themselves.
The fact that she showed emotion only when you mentioned fear, and that she wants space but also told you to keep your vacation time, tells me she’s conflicted. Wanting to be alone doesn’t always mean wanting to be gone forever. Sometimes it means I can’t carry a relationship and my pain at the same time.

That said, you can’t fix this for her. And waiting in limbo will tear you apart. The healthiest move right now is to respect the space and focus on yourself, even though it hurts. If she comes back, it’ll be because she chose to, not because you held on tighter.
I know you want hope. Just don’t let hope stop you from healing.

[Member]

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