[Anne]

The amount and frequency of the deception is already too many to count, meaning it has happened so many times. There is nothing wrong with trying to fix family issues, yes your intention is good, but the question is—do they also want to fix it, or are you the only one who wants it? Because from your story, it feels like you are the only one holding on, and you’re becoming too much of a martyr if you keep enduring everything.

It is also not healthy anymore if your children are witnessing the conflicts in your relationship. So my advice is don’t just keep suffering—leave the relationship so you can learn and grow from it.

[Anne]

Leave him. You don’t deserve to be treated like that—he has shown so much disrespect to you and your family, especially since you already made everything clear before getting married.

Honestly, he doesn’t even seem to be a responsible or caring partner. He won’t even visit you when you’re sick. What kind of husband refuses to use his leave to take care of his wife who is ill?

In this situation, he is not bringing support or peace into your life—he’s only making it more miserable for you.

[Anne]

You’re not wrong. What you just want is clarity about what you both really have, and you also want to know that you’re on the same page—plus a sense of reassurance. That’s valid, especially since you’ve been dating for 6 months already.
And it already came from him that it feels like you’re basically together anyway. So what other reason is there not to make it official?
You said yourself you’re not materialistic and that you just want the label. If he can’t even give you that, then maybe he’s not fully sure about you or the relationship yet.

[Anne]

At first, you just wanted to explore—you basically just wanted to lose your virginity, and you chose him for that. So you shouldn’t really expect anything from him, because it was your choice, and he just went along with what you wanted at the time.
It’s clear that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for you, even after 8 months of this setup. My advice is to just move on. A friends-with-benefits arrangement usually doesn’t work in the long run because eventually it becomes personal and emotions get involved, and that’s where the conflict starts.

[Anne]

I think your problems with your family, your ex-wife, and your children are affecting her as well. It seems like she’s being pulled into situations where you should be the one directly dealing with them, not her, because honestly she doesn’t really have anything to do with those issues.
I think she made the right decision not to attend the meeting. That’s probably where she started feeling that everything is moving too fast between you two, and that things need to slow down a bit.
She does love you, but it seems like she’s just feeling overwhelmed by how quickly everything is happening, which is why she’s confused.

[Anne]

You’re not being replaced by Michael Jackson—you’re just using that as an explanation to try to make sense of why her feelings for you suddenly changed. And she also isn’t attracted anymore.
There’s no real reason she gave; she just said she’s not in love and not attracted anymore. I think the reason she has stayed single for a long time and still hasn’t gotten married, even though she’s not that young anymore, might be because of that kind of behavior—sudden mood changes and shifts in perspective.
I’m not sure, but that’s just what I can see from it.

[Anne]

Your ideas are actually okay—why don’t you try them first?

You could also wait for her at the bus station so it looks like a coincidence, then try approaching her again since your first conversation on the bus was already friendly and positive. Since your interaction was quite friendly, why not try asking for her number so you’ll have a way to keep talking and get closer?

Once you’ve gained her trust and she feels safe with you, then you can try inviting her out.

[Anne]

You didn’t do anything wrong, and your intentions were good. But I think you may have moved too fast—she just broke up with her live-in boyfriend. Even though she says her boyfriend was controlling and emotionally abusive, she is probably still confused about what she should do.
Maybe the reason she blocked you on Facebook is because she needs space to think clearly and figure out what she really wants. She likely needs time to process everything.

[Anne]

There’s nothing wrong with what you said. But you really did trigger her anger, haha. Maybe she just misunderstood you, because for me it actually sounds like a compliment. Or maybe she simply doesn’t like the idea of her pictures being displayed on a wall where anyone can see them.
It might also be that you just said it out of nowhere and didn’t really plan it, so it came off differently to her. She may have overreacted a bit, but we don’t really know her reason. It would be better to talk to her and ask her directly.

[Anne]

Just set boundaries with him. It’s clear that you’re no longer comfortable with what he’s doing. Sexting with other people isn’t really normal anymore—watching porn, okay, you can let that pass, but actually talking and engaging with other people like that is different. It could get worse and go somewhere you won’t be comfortable with.

[Member]

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