[lesterkiwi]

Sounds like she was initially attracted to you, but not any more. If she was still interested in you she woud be responding. Shes NOT. Time to move on and find someone that will give you her time and devotion.

[lesterkiwi]

There is no more advice that me, April, or anyone else can give you to help. You KNOW what to do. You have to be STRONG and do it. In the long run you will feel better about yourself, and you will be helping her by not enabling her selfish behaviour. Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

The answer to your question is NO.
I would like to know what your definition of love is. Is it someone that is a mean, angry, verbally and physically abusive? I think you have no idea what a loving meaningful relationship is. You both need some counseling to get to the root cause of your anger issues and why you stay in this relationship.
The most disturbing thing here for me though, is your kids. You admit your anger may come from your childhood, because thats all you saw in your house. What the hell do you think your kids see everyday? Are you willing to continue to keep subjecting them to this NEGATIVE and TOXIC environment, so they can grow up and repeat the cycle??? Seriously, if you don’t want to leave for yourself then do it for them, and get some professional help.

[lesterkiwi]

The problem here is not her, it’s YOU. You want this girl to realize how bad she treats you? No problem mate, she already does, she just does’nt care. She treats you like crap because you let her. Here’s a little secret….this girl does’nt love or respect you. She likley resents you because you are a doormat.
In spite of the fact you know this girl is bad for you…..in spite of the good advice you are getting, you want to stay in this messed up relationship. Look in the mirror and ask WHY? Why do you stay with a lying cheating woman that treat you like crap? You’re insecure.
This girl wont ever love you, treat you well, or respect you, but you will likely stay in this relationship because secretly you don’t think you can do better. And you will be miserable.
If you do grow a pair, stand up to her and leave for good, she will probably tell you she loves you, wants to make it work, blah blah (sound familiar?) she does’nt care. She’s playing you, Why? Because you LET her. The difference between you and her..she has options…you don’t. She can go to any nightclub and find another you that will put up with her crap……and she knows it.
Look, I know by now you think I’m just being a jerk, but I’m not. I sincerely want you to get out of this relationship, do some soul searching, and work on becoming a better stronger person. Only when you like, respect, and are happy with yourself, will you find the quality woman you deserve.
Dating is a skill that can be learned. Put in the time to learn it. Once you become good at it you will have options. When you have options with women, you wont ever have to put up with being treated poorly again.
Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

The problem here is not her, it’s YOU. You want this girl to realize how bad she treats you? No problem mate, she already does, she just does’nt care. She treats you like crap because you let her. Here’s a little secret….this girl does’nt love or respect you. She likley resents you because you are a doormat.
In spite of the fact you know this girl is bad for you…..in spite of the good advice you are getting, you want to stay in this messed up relationship. Look in the mirror and ask WHY? Why do you stay with a lying cheating woman that treat you like crap? You’re insecure.
This girl wont ever love you, treat you well, or respect you, but you will likely stay in this relationship because secretly you don’t think you can do better. And you will be miserable.
If you do grow a pair, stand up to her and leave for good, she will probably tell you she loves you, wants to make it work, blah blah (sound familiar?) she does’nt care. She’s playing you, Why? Because you LET her. The difference between you and her..she has options…you don’t. She can go to any nightclub and find another you that will put up with her crap……and she knows it.
Look, I know by now you think I’m just being a jerk, but I’m not. I sincerely want you to get out of this relationship, do some soul searching, and work on becoming a better stronger person. Only when you like, respect, and are happy with yourself, will you find the quality woman you deserve.
Dating is a skill that can be learned. Put in the time to learn it. Once you become good at it you will have options. When you have options with women, you wont ever have to put up with being treated poorly again.
Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

Listen mate, I know exactly how you feel. I used to be extremely shy and scared to approach any women. Im here to tell you that with some hard work and diligence you can overcome your anxieties.
Here’s a simple excersize starting out, whenever you’re at a store buying something, and you’re paying the cashier, look at them, smile, and say “Hi, how are you doing today?” You will usually find they respond positively. Start doing this with all people you meet. Also start paying attention to peoples body language, especially the ones that are confident. You will quickly see a difference between people that are confident and the ones that aren’t. You will want to know this as a frame of reference for yourself. As you get comfortable, keep moving forward. Keep working just outside of your comfort zone. Don’t try to much too soon.
As far as this girl. I’ve been in the same boat, hating myself for not acting on a situation. Let it go and focus on developing your social skills. Another thing, don’t ever follow a girl and “hover”. Women are much more intuitive than us, and can tell when someone is hanging around wanting to come up to them. It can creep them out. I would stop focusing your energy on this girl. Work on yourself and when you get better at interacting with people you will have much more success. I hope this helps. Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

How old are you exactly? Im guessing mid 20s? Im not sure what your question is, but it sounds like you want advice on whether or not you should continue to see this girl. I think you answered a lot of your doubts in you own post. Reread it.
As far as my opinion on this girl, how much emotional growth can she really have gone through, if she is now a party girl? Party girls arent usually the most stable and responsible people. It’s not likely she has changed all that much. If you want to see her then keep it very casual and let her prove herself to you. In the meantime, make an honest list of your wants and desires in a woman, and go out and date. Once you have a clear idea of what you want, it will be easier to find a better girl. Don’t ever “settle” for someone because you are putting a timetable on your future.
Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

I noticed his email avoided answering your question about why he doesn’t initiate plans with you. The reason is, what April has been telling you, he’s not that interested in you. If he was, he would spend a lot more energy making plans with you. I have come to realise that, no matter what the circumstances, if you “really” are interested in someone you will make the time and effort to go out with them. He’s not that into you. If you want to see him, then that is your choice, but you should take Aprils advice and move on. You will eventually find someone that likes you as much as you do them, then you will see how a man will make time to be with you.
Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

Your biggest problem here, starts with you not really knowing what you want. You need to sit down and decide where you want to go with your dating life. Do you want to be single, or do you want an emotional realationship? Right now youre trying to have your cake and eat it too. What is the reason you havent told the new guy you still talk to your ex? Because he might get upset and possibly leave and you just lost your fwb? You owe it to the new guy to be honest. Give him all the information he needs to make an informed decision about where he needs to go with this relationship.

As far as your ex…. [quote=”edc1989″]I still love my ex, but we are done for now,[/quote][quote=”edc1989″]Seems to me he is your fall back option if the single life isnt what you thought it would be, or things dont work out with the new guy. You owe it to your ex to let him know you are seeing someone else so he can move on with his life.

Because you still have feelings for your ex, and won’t severe ties so you both can move forward, I feel you are being selfish. You have the best of both worlds, single but the benefits of a commited relationship. The problem with this is, you not being honest about your intentions (partly because you havent sat down to figure out what you really want). You have every right to live the single life…..as long as you’re upfront about what your expectations are to everyone concerned.

[lesterkiwi]

It seems to me that he has made it pretty clear that he isnt interested in you immigrating to his country, or that he is interested in you anymore. Look at the difference in how the both of you treated each other when you visited each others respective countries. He would come home late, not pay you much attention, spend time on the internet, etc etc. You on the other hand went out of your way to make his time here as enjoyable as possible and spent all your spare time with him. When you want to spend time with someone you will, if you dont you wont. Same thing with not being online for you…if he wanted to talk to you online he would make the time.
Calling you a ****** bitch shows how little respect he has for you. There are so many red flags here I would get carpel tunnel pointing them all out. Move on and find somone that is deserving of your affection.

[lesterkiwi]

My question to you is why are you letting this guy back in your life to begin with? People who are physically and mentally abusive rarely change their ways. If they do, its from them being honest with who they are, and a sincere desire to change. If he hasnt done this for his own benefit then its highly unlikely he is as different person. You’re likely setting yourself up for a repeat scenario of last time.

As far as your question…people like that are usually very manipulative and are masters at keeping women guessing and on the defensive. Who cares what he thinks. My advise to you…. tell him you need to see that he has taken positive steps to address his issues with a professional counselor before you can consider being his friend.

[lesterkiwi]

Dude, youre getting great advice but not listening to it. Stop making this girl so important. Figure out what you want, and if youre not getting it, (as in this girl) move on. If you stop being so available and needy, you might just find that she starts to pursue you…

[lesterkiwi]

If you’re going to judge your boyfriend (and you are), then judge him on his present actions and not his past. Apparently he hasnt judged you on your family history, and from the sounds of it, he has acepted you for all you have to offer. Im not trying to condone going to prostitutes, what I’m saying is he respects you and trusts you enough to be honest about his sexual history. Trust me here, most guys would not. In the big scheme of things, that is something that probably would have been better for the both of you if he had not shared. But he did so you deal with it and move on.
Apart from this issue, it sounds like you guys have a great relationship. Ultimately you have to do what you feel you need to. If you cant get past this, then even if you do stay together it will have an affect on your realationship. My suggestion would be for you both to get some counseling on this. If you are open to that idea and are honest with yourself, you might find some of your issues about his past start with you.
You seem like a good person and so does he. I truly hope you both can work through this. If you take the time to read some of the other posts here, you will see your boyfriends past transgressions are small compared to what other women have to deal with.
Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

Reading your post, it seems to me that the reason this girl doesnt open up to you and tell you whats on her mind, is that she doesnt want to hurt you with the truth. Its obvious that you are way more into her, than she is into you. While I’m sure you are a nice guy, and she truly does like you, she doesnt have the same attraction for you as you do for her. You are probably in the “friends” zone and not likely to get out of it.
As much as you want her to have feelings for you, like you do for her, you cant make that happen. You cant love someone enough for the both of you. Even if you were to pursue her to the point where she finally gave in and was with you, she would be settling for you. Not a good recipe for long term happiness.
Listen to Aprils advice and move on. Date other women. Get your focus off her. Find someone that likes you as much as you like them. Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

Listen mate,
Youve been getting great advice from April, but youre not listening. Right now you dont need dating advice, you need counseling. You have some serious self esteem issues. Who gives a damn if this girl forgives you. She should be asking for your forgiveness for lying to you and the other guy. At least he had the self respect to cut her out of his life. The only reason she LET you back into her life is because YOU let her walk all over you.
Until you get some self respect you will always be on this, or some other advice site, asking why your current girl is treating you like crap, and what can you do to get her to give you more of it.
Wise up and stop being so pathetic. I dont mean to be harsh…..well actually i do…. you need to hear it.
Get some professional help. I sincerely hope you do. Good luck.

[Member]

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