Is what she does OK? Am I wrong for getting angry?

Hello. This is my first post here, and one of the few times Ive ever tried something like this! But i really need some advice and I dont know who to ask anymore.

—-SORRY IF ITS A LITTLE LONG! I GUESS A QUICK SKIM WOULD WORK, BUT I CHOSE TO GO IN DEPTH, IF YOU CAN SPARE THE TIME, I WOULD BE VERY THANKFUL I NEED HELP————–

Ive been dating this girl for 4 months. I know its relatively early, and we are quite young, but we really really love each other. Initially, I fell for her because we just “got” each other SO much. We would have 5 hour conversations online and via phone nonstop, we had the same sense of humor, same thoughts, so many similarities. It was amazing. I remember running home after school to be there when she got online. So we started dating.

First problem. She had just gotten out of a really REALLY serious relationship. We were hooking up mostly and not yet in a relationship. Her ex started half stalking/emailing me at the time, telling me she still told him i love you. Eventually she told me she was ready and we started dating. Her ex wasnt out yet though, and i asked her if she was sure she didnt still love him. She told me she was certain, and that she wasnt leading me on, she didnt love him. I send him the snippet from the conversation to have him back off. He was convinced she loved him. Eventually i dont hear from him again. A few weeks later, upon sharing passwords, i stumble on an email between them where he shows her what i sent him. To that she replied something along the lines of “i only said that because I was angry.” Which basically meant she lied, and still loved him. I asked her. Showed her. she told me it was because she felt bad and didnt want to hurt him.

As things move along, he is fully removed from the picture, she finally stops talking to him after I make a really big deal out of it, although not very happy. Hes gone, we can move on.

Second problem. She starts acting like she doesnt care much. She lives far away from me, and so we dont see each other often. I was working one day and she happened to be right next to my restaurant after a night with friends celebrating something. So i ask her, why dont you stop by since i cant see you for a week? A quick hi, nothing more than a few minutes. She tells me shes tired and cant be bothered. This hurt. Especially since I was leaving for College in 2 months at the time, and wished to spend the most time i could with her. Thats when I made a really big deal and told her I was going to end it. Not only had she lied and kept leading her ex on, but she could never bother to see me when it wasnt a set date, it happened before. I was constantly going out of my way, not only paying for everything with her starting to basically request I pay, but also it started feeling that unless i DID go out of my way, nothing would happen otherwise.

To that, she changed. And to her credit, I noticed it although i didnt really let her know as much as i should have. She started putting in effort, paying for herself, and overall, acting like an ACTUAL girlfriend. but the intial spark, or thing that let us talk so much about nothing or understand each other fully left. Our conversations became somewhat dull, or at least, on the nowhere path.

By now we got to the i love you’s. And we meant it. Sexually, it had only happened once due to her choice, and It was relatively okay by me to wait. What wasnt okay for me, was the fact that she refuses to make out with me.
For me, a guy, making out with my girlfriend is expressing passion and desire to be with her. The lips, the long moments, the scent and closeness of each other. To her, its something you only do with hookups—and would rather just hold my hand or peck me. This especially in public. I felt like a nun in public. To the point my own friends were making fun of me. I know. Respect her feelings. But heres the catch. These *very* deep feelings she cant seem to move aside, even in my room, WERE moven aside for her ex, and a guy she made out with–not somewhere private, but in the middle of a CLUB. this means in front of EVERYONE. so essentially, i feel like not only is she denying me something so simple, something that could make me happy with little effort, but something she should want too. And especially, something that she has moved her “feelings” aside for, for OTHER guys. but not for her boyfriend, whom apparently, she loves. That made me feel HORRIBLE. The nights i just spent staring at the ceiling. The days i felt like crap because as a goodbye kiss i got a peck, and all she did was hold my hand. KNOWING i express myself differently.

Things started declining. She was constantly worries about what others thought around us. In a train she would give me orders on how to sit. Move your leg away. Do this. do that. When i laughed, or talked about something, or someone or stared or looked at people she would always tell me to stop. Act embarassed. She started acting differently. She wasnt herself, she was always overly conscious, like someone was rating her boyfriend. I had to stop being myself, or who i really am so she herself would feel comfortable. Gradually i felt like she wasnt dating me, but everyone else. And throughout all this, i kept going out of my way for her. Organizing things, getting her gifts, writing her little notes, taking her to romantic places, different restaurants. I even changed my look somewhat, due to her hating baggy jean, i went out and bought tight fits and made sure I always wore them with her. Yet, throughout all this, she could never bother for me. I told her time again and again i really really loved when she did pigtails. Everytime, she had an excuse. In 4 months, she wore it twice. Once on my birthday, removing them a few hours after. And once after a fight. She also knew I had a thing for a particular dress she had. She always refused that, saying it was revealing. Understandable, yet I had to argue to have her wear it in my own room where I would be the only one. It bothered me because I found pictures of her wearing it out how I liked it before i met her. And still, unless i did things, nothing would be done.

Eventually, we even stopped doing things. All she ever wanted to do was sit at home and watch movies. Sex actually increased, although I had to always beg multiple times to do anything intimate with her, even if simple things. When she did get in the mood after various attempts, many times she never wanted to return the favor. We started fighting almost once or twice a week.

But i know she loves me, everytime a fight would happen she would cry, she left me messages, she kept trying to apologize and make me feel better. I could tell it was genuine, and so were her apologies, but afterwards, when we would make peace, after a small period of time it would happen again. Something similar to what we fought about in a different context. And the fight would start again, and the cries, and the arguments, and the parents somewhat getting involved being worried.

Today, I got up at 6am to talk to her internationally via internet. Due to the break, we are in different countries.
I have been getting online at 5,6, and 7 am for a week now, because she cannot find time at around 3pm, where it would be more comfortable for me. Yet i have been doing it. The first time, i was paying by the minute at an internet point, I find out on my own she was talking to another guy at the same time we were talking. Hence, her slower replies. Knowing i was paying, and not having talked to me for about a week due to the travels. It hurt, I got mad. She apologized. It was okay. Today, I wake up at 6, we are msning. She starts taking longer time to reply. I ask. Shes talking to someone else. Again. A guy. An ex. While im there, sleepy and tired, for her.

I get angry. We fight. She apologizes. Again.

Its a limbo. I hate this. I DONT WANT TO FIGHT WITH HER. i love her, i know its mutual but she doesnt think before she acts. I dont want to fight, but everything always happens again. She does things that hurt me, or a girlfirend outright shouldnt do. I SHOULD be able to kiss my girlfriend. I SHOULD feel like she wants me both sexually and physically next to each other.

Most times i get mad at little things like these, she didnt want to make out with me. She wont send me a sexy picture while im away. she forgot to email me. She could have stayed longer but left earlier. She chats with others while chatting with me online.

Im not perfect, I know. But 80% of the times, she is the cause of our fights. She tells me i pick at little things to get mad and possibly leave her. I know she loves me, but many times, i really dont know what to think. I dont want to fight anymore, i cant do it, but i also do want to feel better about some things. Am i being selfish?