Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › The sad truth

The sad truth

April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › The sad truth

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • July 25, 2009 at 2:38 pm #1104
    shalie
    Participant

    I’ve been seeing this guy for nearly some time now. He told me that he has no experience in relationships and that I am the girl he’s been dating for the longest. Our situation is very weird because he doesn’t flirt/compliment/ touch me. He rarely calls me and when we are online, he often ignores me or replies quickly and says he has to do something else and will be back later. He actually does come back later but does not come to chat with me. A male co-worker of mine told me to initiate some body contact with him and see if how he reacts and well, there has been either no reaction from him, or he simply retracted. I can always blame his lack of experience in relationships to explain all these situations but I think that it’s time for me to realize that this guy isn’t really interested in me even if he said he was. Guys’ actions speak louder than their words.
    I like the guy but I don’t want to be with someone who seems to be dating me maybe out of boredom or to gain some dating experience. I hope that I am not being too negative.
    Do you think that I should continue to see this guy and see if things eventually progress or should I simply tell him I want to stop everything, the next time I see him?

    Thanks

    July 25, 2009 at 5:12 pm #9692
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating this guy, but after a few dates, if there isn’t any chemistry and you aren’t sure there ever will be, it makes sense to move on. This guy may not be touching or kissing you because he isn’t interested in you. He may also have some deeper psychological problems that make it impossible or difficult for him to be physically intimate with anyone. Either way, it’s time for you to move on.

    Do not wait around to see if things get better. When you wrote that you’ve been dating him “for some time now” I assume it’s more than a few months. That’s plenty of time to wait and see if things get better. (And they haven’t.) Don’t make it easy for him by calling him to explain yourself or to try to help him. You deserve more than that.

    The best way to end things with him is to not call him or see him again. Don’t spend any more energy on him. If he calls or e-mails you to get together again, or ask you out, at [i]that point[/i], you can tell him that things just aren’t working out between the two of you enough for you to want to continue the relationship. Wish him the best in life, and end it. You’ll be doing both of you a favor.

    July 25, 2009 at 10:58 pm #9693
    shalie
    Participant

    Thank you for your advice. Another experienced person also told me to cut any contact with the guy and you are now confirming the best thing to do.
    He will maybe use his introversion and shyness as excuse but I really think that I am better off without him
    I am just wondering why some guys continue to date girls even though they are not really interested in them… Do they just do it because they have nothing to do or maybe because they can’t find anyone else?
    I think that it is a very unfair thing to do because when you date someone for a few months the person gets the message that you actually like her.
    Anyway as you said yourself, dating is a numbers games and hence, I guess I’ll have to keep on trying until I find the good one.

    July 26, 2009 at 11:31 pm #9795
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    You hit the nail on the head, yourself. These guys date women they’re not really interested in any long term, serious relationship with, because they’re bored or lonely. For some people, being with someone is better than being someone who’s right for them. Having company of any sort, may be better for these people than being alone. And it’s not just men who do this. Women do it, too.

    Whether or not it’s fair has nothing to do with love. In fact there’s this old saying: All’s fair in love and war. I think that’s what you were dealing with.

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