Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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BAD BREAK UP

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  • October 19, 2009 at 1:14 am #1334
    relationshipa1
    Keymaster

    HI i’m 21 and have been with my bf for 2yrs he is 23 we just recently had a bad break up due to me thinking he was cheating on me but found out he was not! i asked him to forgive me for my mistake but he said no it done an over with i then one day got the guts to ask him if he was with anyone he told me he was dating but at the time we started being friends and i did tell him i was not over him but slightly was(but he would text and talk to me during the night when he would be talking to that girl but we would only talk about things not our relationship)HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE HIM TO GET OVER ME THAT HE WAS ENGAGED TO ME AND THIS WAS OUR LONGEST RELATIONSHIP EVER? he also still has his belongings at my house that i have had for a month and have asked him to come pick up but yet has not(he tells me to wait that if i really want it gone to take it to his friends house but im only making it easier for him to talk and see me again WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY THIS SAYING? he wants time apart then we will get back together, now the longest i have not talked to him has been 2 weeks now due to our phones being turned of i have called and talked to his mother where he is staying at but only have spoken to her about her illness (which also before wen we broke up she would threaten to call the cops on me for calling and coming to her house)but now talks to me and i also take her stuff to her house for her(NO i have not seen him there when i go) i also asked her what i do about everybody’s Christmas gifts since i purchased them ahead of the holiday she told me to speak with him about it SO WHAT DID HE TELL HER THAT WERE FRIENDS OR HES GONNA GET BACK WITH ME? we have been through so much more what a long married couple goes through we lost our house we sold hi8s car so now he does not have one as well we both have a repo under both of our names and i had a miscarriage after our break up(he did not even tell his family he said he has to live with it not them)DOES HE EVEN CARE ABOUT ME STILL? I LOVE HIM MORE THAN EVER AND WOULD TAKE I BACK IN A HEART BEAT BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO IS THERE SOME WAY I CAN GET HIM BACK OR IS IT LOST FOREVER? PS i did also invite him to a Holloween party which he was going to let me know about but if he takes his date f he has one i will not be able to handel it but then again would he even have moved on that fast to already have someone else,and what if this is the right time for us to get back together if so WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS AS WELL?

    October 19, 2009 at 12:46 pm #10568
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    I’m very sorry about your bad break up after an engagement, a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage and some car repossessions. Wow. That’s a lot to happen within 2 years. I’m not so sure you’re hurt by the break up, as much as you are by all the life that seems to have descended on you like a heavy storm. It’s no wonder you’re looking for peace, comfort and love — but you’re looking in the wrong place. Your ex-boyfriend is not where you’re going to find what you’re looking for. And the more you stalk him, the worse things are going to get for you. I’m sorry to have to tell you that, but you really need to take a big break from your ex and find some peace and happiness elsewhere. 🙁

    Just because you are not over the relationship, doesn’t mean he isn’t. In fact, it seems that he’s moving on, in spite of talking to you now and then and texting you while he’s also texting other women. I’m sorry to tell you that that’s really not a commitment or even strong interest. While you’re tending towards him, he’s clearly tending away from you.

    He’s not picking up his belongings at your house because he doesn’t want to see you. When he’s asked you to take them to a friend’s house, that’s a really clear sign that he doesn’t want to see you. So I’d suggest you do what he asks, or just tell him that his items will be on the curb in a box on such and such a time and date, and after that day, you’re going to throw them out, so that if he wants to have someone pick them up he can. You need to stop holding on to his things, thinking that that will somehow bring him back.

    When he tells you he wants time apart — he means it. But when you end up going to his mother’s house (where he is living) and calling his mother, even if just to talk about her illnesses, you’re pretty much borderline stalking him. His mother was correct when she told you that the Christmas presents you bought the family (It’s only October!!) are a matter between you and him. My suggestion is that you return the items to the store, give them to other people, or donate them to a charity or hospital that collects gifts for unfortunate people during the holiday season. You have to let go of these Christmas gifts because they aren’t going to bring you back your boyfriend.

    It was a mistake for you to invite him to your Halloween party if you can’t handle him bringing a date, since you know there’s at least a 50 percent chance of that happening. Don’t bring up the party again, and prepare yourself for his being there with a date — or more likely, not at all.

    I know that you still love him, but he’s not returning the feelings. You have to accept reality. He’s over you. It’s time for you to move on, and start dating other people. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but if you continue doing what you’re doing, things are going to get worse, and dramatic. Nothing good will come of your continuing to pursue your ex when he doesn’t want a relationship with you. He’s trying to be nice to you right now, but eventually he will become so angry and upset that you’re not leaving him alone, that he’s going to lash out at you and never want to see you again.

    Take a breath, and understand that this break up is going to hurt — it’s supposed to hurt. But the hurt[i] will[/i] end. In the meantime, I want you to invite lots of wonderful, eligible, single men to your Halloween party, for you, and to come up with a fabulous costume that will leave everyone thinking how great you are, and who they know to fix you up with! You will find love with someone else — as soon as you let go of your ex. 🙂

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