Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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She needs space

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  • November 5, 2009 at 6:24 pm #1464
    Michael
    Participant

    My (ex?) girlfriend and I began dating 2 months ago. By the end of the first month she was telling me she loves me and that she was sure I would marry her. She was amazing. The last time we saw each other was after she met my parents and especially my abrasive dad. On leaving, she kissed me deeply and said I love you. The next day she says we need a break—that she needs space—that she doesn’t want to break up she just needs to be alone. She says I’m great and it’s not me it’s her. She says she needs time alone because she is feeling depressed and unmotivated. Around the time of our break she got into a serious car-accident, has been on pain meds, not working and has cited all of these as contributing factors. She’s cancelled two dates we’ve had since our break on account of not feeling well. It’s now almost a month that we don’t see each other. I contact her often because I love to talk with her, but I can hear the distance in her voice. In the two months we dated I’d never known a more caring, honest, loving, compassionate, and truthful girl. Yet, she’s done a 180 and my head is literally still spinning. Can you make sense of what the hell is happening here? I’m pretty sad about it. Any advice? What should I do? Please help…

    Mike

    November 6, 2009 at 12:14 pm #10856
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    She may be caring, honest, loving, and compassionate, but she’s not into the relationship with you, so those qualities don’t carry any weight. The first thing that makes a woman a good girlfriend, partner or wife, is compatibility, and one of the most important facets of compatibility is availability. If a woman isn’t available to you, she’s not compatible and therefore, is not a good match for you. Sorry. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but you can’t live your life based on what you would like to happen. You have to live your life based on real behavior, and your girlfriend, told you she wanted a break from the relationship and she’s acting like it, too. Believe her.

    It’s normal to be sad when you get rejected, but it’s destructive to try and bend the truth so you don’t feel so badly — which is what you’re trying to do. You’re looking for all the reasons her behavior shouldn’t make sense. But the reality is, it does make sense.

    Try not to see rejection as a bad thing. The truth is it’s a gift because she had enough respect for herself and for you, not to waste either of your time, knowing she’s not interested in you any more. This sets you free to spend your time looking for Ms. Right.

    So feel badly about the rejection, but don’t turn it into a full blown pity party. You dated her for 2 months, things didn’t work out, and now you need to move on and find someone who is not just compassionate, caring, truthful and all those other wonderful things you’re looking for in a woman, but available and interested.

    Good luck, and let me know how things work out.

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