is he cheating?

I’m glad you told me he’s your first boyfriend because that’s important! 🙂 When someone is your first kiss, your first date, your first boyfriend, it’s easy to feel like you’ve given him something private and special, and if you think he’s off with other girls, it’s understandable you’d feel disrespected and betrayed. But let’s not go there just yet! 😉

In high school there are so many opportunities for emotional upset because you are around so many people your own age who are mostly not in relationships and are looking for them! So it’s understandable that other girls are going to like and want your boyfriend — but that doesn’t mean that he’s cheating on you. It just means you’re in a highly charged sexual and social atmosphere, and you have something other people want!

What you need to do to get some peace of mind is to focus on HIS behavior, not these other girls. If it bothers you that he has conversations with them, befriends them or texts with them, then you may want to mention it to him without giving him an ultimatum. This mention gives him an opportunity for him to tell you how he feels about these other girls, you, himself and his relationships with friends as opposed to girlfriends. Remember — you’re both getting to know each other and how you each behave with other opposite sex people determines your compatibility together.

If he is just being friendly with these other girls (which to me, it sounds like he is), in spite of their intentions to date him (remember — worry about his behavior, not the other girls), then keeping the communication with your boyfriend and yourself may be all you need to feel better. If he can assure you he’s friends with other girls, but you’re his one and only girlfriend in spite of these other girls’ intentions and behaviors, then that may be enough for you.

However, if you really believe he’s easily swayed and may leave you then he’s not your best boyfriend ever! I don’t know how long you two have been together, but if he’s never given you reason to believe HE is going to cheat on you then you have to just understand high school dynamics. They’re intense and they’re dynamic — but that doesn’t mean you have to be.

I hope that helps.

I’m glad I was able to make you feel better about what’s REALLY going on with you and your boyfriend. It’s understandable that you’re anxious about sex because you are a virgin and so is he (sort of), and because his ex-girlfriend is tempting him with sex and sexual behavior that you’re not willing or ready to do yourself. So know that your feelings are justified, however, the way to calm yourself and feel secure in the relationship is to continue to talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. Continue to have fun, date, hang out and do what you’re already doing because it feels right for you, and the tighter the two of you get because of the intimacy you’re building (which does not have to be sexual — just genuine closeness), the less outside influences like his ex-girlfriend will factor into your life. Eventually she’ll realize she isn’t going to get anywhere with him, and she’ll move on to someone more vulnerable. Hang in there!