- This topic has 5 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 4 months ago by
Alora.
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April 9, 2010 at 4:49 am #2162
Alora
ParticipantI have been best friends with a guy I went to middle/high school with since 6th grade. We tell eachother almost everything unless we feel it is not appropriate to tell eachother. I am having a huge issue because for YEARS he had a crush on me and his friends all made it very obvious and would announce it to embarass him. He is the “nice guy” type so he never acted on his feelings. The one time he did I told him I couldnt because I had just got out of an awful head twisting relationship and needed time to recoop. My issue now is that I’ve always told him we would always be just best friends. We party together alot and even stay at eachothers places because we both know we can completely trust eachother, intoxicated or not, and lately its been hard for me to refrain myself (when intoxicated) from kissing him. I am starting to really like him and I’ve always loved his family and they have always ripped on him telling him he’s going to regret not catching me for himself. As I said I am starting to feel attracted to him but my 2 issues are #1 The biggest one ever! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND IVE BEEN WITH FOR 3 YEARS!!!
😮 and #2 which would only be a big deal if i were single is that I know how my friend gets when he is dating girls he really likes. He gets WAY clingy and I know I couldn’t deal with that. I know that he would be good to me and we communicate soooo well so any issues we went through we would have no problem solving. BUT my boyfriend is the only person that hasn’t cheated on me yet and about 2 months after we started seeing eachother I ended up with nothing and he pretty much took me in off the street after being laid off and evicted. He has been so good to me and loves me for me. His family hates me though (except for his brother) and thinks I’m with him to try and take his inheritence. That makes me so angry. Well to get back on track I don’t know which boy to pick and dont want to play either of them. My boyfriend has always trusted my nights out with my best friend and the arguement has come up before and i said “You have nothing to worry about, we have been friends for 15 years and nothings happened yet so it wont”.😕 I have even had to go to the length of telling another one of my guy friends my feelings and to not let me travel into a room alone with Tim because I dont want to end up making a mistake
😳 What to do?!?!?April 9, 2010 at 2:26 pm #11461April Masini
KeymasterIf you’re so attracted to the guy you want but aren’t dating that you need a friend to keep you from being alone in a room with this guy because you think you’ll do something romantic or sexual with him, then the boyfriend you have now is not the one you should be with. A strong relationship means you respect and trust your partner, and if you don’t respect your partner enough not to be faithful without a bodyguard around you, then you’re not going to make it in the long run. This old friend who’s tempting you is just one of many guys who may be the one that you cheat on your boyfriend with. I think you need to be honest with yourself that you’re not completely committed to your boyfriend of three years and it’s time for you to move on.
Whether you end up dating this old friend or someone else, it’s important to be honest to yourself, first and foremost and to your partner, for sure.
April 11, 2010 at 4:44 am #13311ParticipantI have never cheated on anyone I’ve dated and never dated for under a year. I guess I mainly feel I need a “bodyguard” just when I’m drinking. I feel sexually attracted to him yeah but I know that I could trust myself alone with him. I just feel so awful because my current man is SOOO good to me and pretty much helped me off the streets. I just hate that he can’t keep a job and wont finish school. April 11, 2010 at 12:49 pm #12153KeymasterYour current boyfriend helped you out because HE wanted to. He made a choice in his life to do what he did. If you stay with him out of pity, you’re doing a disservice to him. Nobody wants to be a mercy boyfriend. Be appreciative of what he’s done for you while being respectful enough of him to be honest and move on when the relationship is over.
Your excuse of needing a bodyguard to keep you from cheating on your boyfriend ONLY when you’re drinking is a pretty lame rationalization. Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s time for you to be honest and respectful of your boyfriend and yourself.
April 12, 2010 at 3:15 am #11865Participant[quote=”April Masini”]
Your excuse of needing a bodyguard to keep you from cheating on your boyfriend ONLY when you’re drinking is a pretty lame rationalization. Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s time for you to be honest and respectful of your boyfriend and yourself.[/quote] I guess I’m not quite positive what your meaning by this but I know that I’m scared of losing him because there are so many things that I love about him. I’m not really sure if I will be able to feel “Love to Marraige” yet for a while, do to my last relationship. Also my other issue is that I AM attracted to my best friand but not sure if it’s just a crush I’ll get over. I really also don’t want to wreck our friendship. We have so much fun together and get along with all of eachothers friends because we have been friends for so long. He always asks if he can kiss me when he has been drinking so I try to keep someone around to help the awkwardness.
I also wonder if its the “cowboy” attitude to blame. Sounds rediculous but I have been training horses for a couple of years now and my frinds is pretty good with horses and has a couple of his own. My boyfriend on the otherhand enjoys video games and says horses stink. He is very good with helping me out with the horses when I need it and always is there for me when I ask. I guess my main issue is just that I have everything I could ever need with my boyfriend although he is pretty irresponsible. While my best friend is VERY responsible which is something I want on a guy. I just know he would be clingy which I cant stand and I don’t want to wreck our friendship.
April 12, 2010 at 11:45 am #11864KeymasterI’m not sure how old you are, but if you’re in your 20s or 30s or older, you need understand that just because you have feelings doesn’t mean that you should act on them. It’s normal to be attracted to people that you know, don’t know, see images of in magazines or on television or in the movies, but maturity dictates that you behave in a way that is socially responsible. You make a decision to commit to someone and then you abide by that commitment in spite of attraction to other people. If you don’t want to lose your boyfriend, then just don’t behave in a way that would risk losing him. If your best friend doesn’t respect your relationship with your boyfriend then choose to honor your relationship with your boyfriend first and foremost and don’t hang out with your best friend any more.
Life is about choices, and you don’t have to be a victim — but you can’t always have it all.
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