I need her..

i think she needs to build herself up. i mean yea shes been through a lot but u cant be the one to grow legs for her so she can stand up again [i]and[/i] feel bad about it. she shud realize everything thats happened to her in fact did happen for a reason..and she should be thankful for life, especially now that she has you.

i used to be this way..missing my bf[now ex] when neither of us could drive and we were in hs i’d put us through hell. our fone convos were dead and i was just moody all the time. i came to realize that i was being selfish, putting him through that. just gotta accept things for the way they are because truth is, things will get better!

my current bf and i used see each other everyday until 3 weeks ago. we’re on summer vacation from college now and im lucky if i see him once a week and that too, for 15 mins. its been a big change from literally living together to limited time together. we’re both upset and groggy-so upset & tired of it we’ll argue over the pettiest things. but we’ve something to look forward too. being apart gives her a lot of time for realization of who she is without you by her side. and with all those bad experiences shes been through, i think it would be beneficial to her. and you.
:ugeek:

First of all you need to use birth control every time you have sex without fail, if you’re going to have a sexual relationship. I’m not here to judge, but I am going to remind you that teenage pregnancy is going to be a BIG problem, so if she’s not pregnant, never leave your house without a couple of condoms. And if she is, then she needs to discuss that issue with her parents and decide what to do next.

If that crisis is averted, what you need to understand next is that she can’t get married at age 15. It’s not legal. No one will marry the two of you. So let that go. I know you think it’s going to make her happy and make you happy, but it’s not going to happen. So rather than be disappointed, be realistic. You have to be of majority to marry in America. In fact, if you turn 18 and continue to have sex with her, while she’s a minor, you could be in pretty big trouble for that, too. So think about it.

Having gotten the immediate stuff out of the way, please understand that her traumatic past has done some terrible damage to her. No human being of any age could go through what she did and not come out unscathed, so although you want to fix her and make her happy, you are not the person who can do that. She has to heal herself and while you can help her by being supportive and loving, she’s going to do the healing on her own clock at her own pace and you can’t rush her. It won’t work.

One of the ways you can help her heal, however, is to help her by example, understanding reality and boundaries. You can love her and be there for her on the phone and in person when you can get a ride or a driver’s license, but that it’s normal for 15 and 17 year olds who live 20 minutes apart from each other to be reliant on parents or parents’ cars or public transportation to see each other. Accepting these norms and working within them and around them is what will help her.

Love her and let her love you, but be safe and don’t promise or try to do more than is humanly possible. Being a teenager is very tough. You have raging hormones (and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way — it’s true and it’s very difficult to feel all the emotions and the flip flops they do) and a grown up body with a brain that isn’t finished growing yet. Be understanding of yourself, of your situation and of her, and be there, but don’t rush things.

I hope that helps you. And if you want more April and Ask April contact, please join me on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]. You can become a free member of my AskApril.com at Facebook group page.

The only ways you can make the time apart less painful for her, don’t work. 🙁 You’ve tried texting and calling her when you can’t be there in person and you said she shuts you out when you do so. 😮 Therefore, you can’t make it easier for her to be apart — because she refuses to accept your attempts to make it easier when you text and call.

People who are apart from each other send texts, e-mails, make phone calls, send love letters, flowers, gifts and photos. If she won’t accept these things from you, YOU have to understand that [i]she’s not ready[/i] to feel better. For some reason that has nothing to do with you, [u]the pain is more familiar to her, so that’s what she tends towards[/u].

You [i]can’t[/i] make it less hard on her when you don’t see each other very often because she shuts you down when you use normal means to do so. That’s why I wrote about helping her accept reality and working within the norm. You can’t make her feel the way you want her to feel or even the way she says she wants to feel. But you can help her accept the way things are and by understanding why she feels the way she does, she may find some relief from her pain, which I trust is what you want.

I’m glad I was able to help. You don’t have an easy problem in front of you because it’s always hard to see someone you love unhappy or in pain, but I think you understand the bigger picture here.

Good luck, and let me know how things go for you this summer.

Hope to see you on Facebook at this link, [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url], too! 😀