Confused and stressed.

This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 14 years, 1 month ago by April Masini.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)

Author

Posts
July 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm #3018

blondeboy
Participant

Hi everyone, so my girlfriend (18) and I (20) have been dating for around a year and a half now and have had a great relationship. We have had our fights and arguments but who doesn’t. Well about a month and a half ago we decided to take a break and fix some stuff that was hindering our relationship. For example I have some jealousy issues (which I’ve worked greatly on) and she has some problems like saying things that aggrevate me even though she knows thats exactly what it will do. Well the biggest point of this break we are on is to fix all these problems by ourselves so that we can give each other exactly what the other deserves. And we are at the point in our relationship where we want to take the next step and become more serious but we are still so young that we cant for many more years. She said not to expect it to happen quickly and it may be a year or however long till we can be back together. (Which is fine I’d wait as long as it takes) We are trying to be only friends and not say anything more which is very hard. I’m having problems with not saying sweet things to her and doing the normal boyfriend thing. Well lately we have been having quite a few arguments about the dumbest things and its really bothering me. I was wondering if the reasons for these arguments may just be us or if it could be something else. Like maybe the stress from not being able to say the things that we would normally say, or maybe the fact that she moved around 3-4 months ago about an hour away from where I live. I would like to know what everybody thinks about my situation. Like if us taking a break and trying to fix our problems independently is a good idea and if you think it will actually work, what you think the arguments could be stemming from. I would also like to know what I should do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you greatly.

July 23, 2011 at 12:06 pm #14834

victor rock
Participant

Confusion (from Latin confusĭo, -ōnis, noun of action from confundere “to pour together”, also “to confuse”) of a pathological degree usually refers to loss of orientation (ability to place oneself correctly in the world by time,[1] location, and/or personal identity

July 23, 2011 at 12:55 pm #15571

April Masini
Keymaster

I don’t understand what you’re doing to fix your problems apart. 😕 If you’re in a relationship and have problems, it would seem that you’d want to work them out together. Some problems like addiction to substances are problems that need to be worked out personally before being in a relationship, but I don’t think that jealousy issues and fighting are going to be worked out by taking a break from the relationship unless you’re hoping that you both mature enough to not aggravate each other, and then get back together — but that’s a long shot.

I never recommend being friends with an ex, and it’s clear that it’s not working with the two of you. It sounds like your fighting as friends is going to move you both towards a more permanent break.

The big problem you’re facing is figuring out what you both want. It sounds like you want to either live together and/or get engaged and married and she feels she’s too young for these steps. Unfortunately, I think that the two of you are incompatible because of this difference. It’s always hard to see an incompatibility when so much is good, but as you get older you’ll understand that what you want and what she wants out of the relationship is crucial. You can get along famously, have great sex, be emotionally intimate — but if you don’t both want the same thing at (relatively) the same time, your goal differences are going to be a deal breaker.

I hope that this explanation alleviates your confusion and stress. I’m sure you’ll be sad, but facing the facts can be a relief.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.
Author

Posts