Help

Since you want to honor your marriage, it would be a good idea for you to break contact with your former fling. It will show your vote of confidence in your marriage and your husband, and will send a signal to this other guy that you choose your husband. That should calm things down. As for your strong feelings for the fling, if you decide to stay in the marriage, then you really have to commit to it. It’s not fair to anyone for you to have one foot in and one foot out.

As for your son, what are you fighting about? Is it really about the boy, or is the boy just the lightning rod for the underlying anger you and your husband have about your relationship with this former fling?

I hope that helps.

Because you’re a parent, you have to put your feelings on the back burner and do what’s right for your son. 😉 Since you decided to get married, I think you should try to make it work for the sake of your son. It sounds like he’s been through the divorce you probably had with his father, and now, there could be another with his step-father, and the boy is only eight. 😳 Put him first. You can’t honor every feeling you have — instead, you have to honor your commitments and your responsibility. This is an important lesson about character that your son will be learning from you.

So, first, break off contact with the guy you cheated on your husband with. Until he’s out of the picture, it’s going to be very difficult to focus on your marriage, and for your husband to feel like you’re really committed. When you make things right with your husband, then he will probably feel more generous towards your son. 🙂 You’ve got to put yourself in his shoes — he’s hurt that you cheated on him, and hurt future that you continue to keep your ex around. This isn’t going to foster his best behavior, to say the least.

See if you can make the marriage work for the sake of your son, at the very least. It won’t have a fighting chance unless you let go of your ex. 😉

For your son, I think you should try and make it work with your husband, as I’ve said before. Arguing over how to raise a step-child is very, very, very normal. Blending a family requires work, and that means making compromises and trying creative solutions. If this is the only thing you’re arguing about with your husband, then I feel even more strongly that you should try to co-parent and really work on those issues (if you want to be more specific about them, I’ll give you advice on them).

It sounds like you’re still cheating on your husband with this other guy, and that isn’t helping with the fighting. If you want to make the marriage work, you have to commit, and let this other guy go. Stop seeing him. And stop fighting with your husband. It takes two people to fight. If he starts, just walk away, and if you feel yourself starting, walk away. The fighting in front of your son is no good. Nothing you’re fighting about is that important — and stopping the fighting is more important than winning the fight.

The reason I think you should try to make this work is that if you’re not willing to roll up your sleeves and try to make this work…. you’re going to run into these issues in future relationships. I know this other guy you cheated on your husband with, says he loves you and you love him, but it’s very easy to fantasize a love with someone you’re not living with! Living with someone, with a child from another marriage as part of the family, is a lot of work under the best of circumstances…..

If you can stop cheating, and stop fighting, and things still don’t work out down the line… then you’ll have given it a fair shot, but right now, since you’ve been cheating since right before the marriage, you haven’t really been giving it your all. Time to do that! And…. if no matter what I say, you’re really committed to running off with this other guy, then there’s not a lot more I can say, except that I’ll be here for you if you have problems down the line…